I was eighteen years old, I felt free to be sensual, to be sexual, to be a woman.
We collapsed on the bed, our bodies shaking from our orgasms as Derek pulled me into his body. Our foreheads connected, our lungs panting for air as the ocean backdropped our noises. I could feel him leaking out of me as we lay there, his hand pulling a blanket up over our bodies.
Then his fingertips started dancing along my scars, along the rigged, rough skin of my back and on my sides, and along the divots on my thighs and the newest one on the upper part of my arm.
It was like he was trying to reinforce something, only I was swirling with too much passion to figure out what it was.
“Can I tell you something?” Derek asked.
I nodded as my body snuggled closer to his.
“I have feelings for you, Sam. And they’re strong. Getting us in this environment and away from all that shit has only served to strengthen them. Even though we’ve only been here less than a day.”
I closed my eyes, hoping and praying he wasn’t going to say what I thought he was going to.
“I think I’m falling in love with you, Sam.”
And there it was. The one thing I was afraid of more than anything. My client had fallen in love with me, attached himself so effortlessly to the person he was conjuring me to be in his mind. But I wasn’t this person. I was riddled with alcohol and acting on instincts of impulse. This wasn’t who I was on a daily basis, nor was I a bodyguard on a daily basis.
He had no idea who I was, and if I had it my way, he would never know.
His feelings weren’t real. They couldn’t be. It wasn’t possible for a logical, successful man like him to partner himself with the likes of me. I hunkered deeper into his embrace, pressing my face into the crook of his neck to try and distract him from his train of thought.
I kissed his skin, feeling his hands continuing to smooth over my scarred back.
It didn’t stop me from wishing it was real, though. It didn’t stop me from wishing my life could be like this. In another time, with another childhood and another personality, maybe it could’ve been. Maybe in another realm, I could’ve been the kind of woman a man like Derek Steele was looking for. But our paths were set, and our skill sets were defined, and there was no going back. I was traveling down a very different path from him, and after Jacob was caught, they would never intersect again unless he found himself in more trouble.
I felt Derek’s breathing evening out, and it provided me some relief. I turned around in his arms, feeling his embrace tighten around my body. I pulled the covers up to my chin and fell asleep with the ocean waves breaking in the background, the sound lulling me into a peaceful slumber.
And that night, another first occurred.
For the first time since I was eighteen, I slept without a nightmare.
Chapter 9
Derek
THE RESTAURANT NEAR the bungalows served meals all throughout the day. I woke up to the ocean greeting us sweetly and Sam’s light snores pulsing on the side of my neck. Feeling her warmth wrapped around me was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. I could feel the strength of her muscles and run my fingertips along the softness of her skin. I lay watching her naked chest rise and fall with her even breaths.
She was content. Peaceful. Beautiful in ways no words could describe.
Instead of waking her up for breakfast, I simply left her a note. I wanted her to sleep in after everything we had been through. Between pulling all-nighters at the office with me and taking a damn bullet in the arm to keep me safe, she had more than deserved it.
But I wanted her to know she wasn’t alone and that I hadn’t left her side all night.
However, breakfast only served to bring up worries about the prior night. The sex was wonderful, more explosive and passionate than it had ever been. She didn’t need permission to do something, and it was the first time she had initiated anything. I wasn’t concerned about what we had engaged in, but I was concerned about my admission.
About telling her I was falling in love with her.
She hadn’t said anything back. She only placed a kiss on my neck, and even then, it hadn’t felt quite as intimate. It was almost as if she was trying to use her body as a distraction, as a way to derail my thoughts so I wouldn’t notice that she didn’t answer. I felt closer to her than I had ever felt to anyone last night, but I was slowly beginning to get the feeling all of this was very one-sided. It wasn’t unlikely that she had, in fact, convinced herself what I was feeling couldn’t be real.
I ate breakfast alone and in silence. Every once in a while, someone would look my way, and I would see the pity in their eyes. That was the thing about being as rich and prominent as I was. I could run to any corner of the world, but someone would always recognize me. And with the way the media was hacking into my world, they would always know my deepest, darkest secrets.
Like this shit with Jacob.
“Guess who?”
A pair of soft hands came down around my face, but the voice wasn’t Sam’s. I tensed, my fists balled up and my legs ready to stand to attention. Thoughts of who this could be were running through my head as my mind registered the voice. Part of me thought I was going to be attacked. Right here in the damn restaurant less than three minutes away from the bungalow where Sam slept.