“Look at yourself!” he shouted in my face, a small vein popping out in his forehead. I almost laughed again, because I got that same vein when I was angry. Why the fuck was he angry?
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“What the fuck is wrong with me?” Dawson let go of my shirt. “Emmett, look at yourself! You’re falling back into old habits, drinking when someone breaks your heart. I thought we were done with this shit after Carrie. But here we are, in the same goddamn situation. I knew this little thing with Fallon would turn ugly. I fucking knew it.”
I pushed him hard. He flew across the pavement and glared at me from down below.
That was when the realization hit me.
Jesus Christ. No wonder she left. Look at me!
I huffed out several breaths, squeezing my fists and eyes together simultaneously. I let the calm take over my body and pushed away the anger—the anger that I held for myself and no one else.
I had no one to blame but myself.
I slowly walked over to Dawson, making sure to keep myself steady so I didn’t appear as drunk as I felt, and reached my hand down to him. He was still glaring, his jaw set in a firm line, but he took my hand anyway and got to his feet.
“Sorry.” I looked out into the parking lot, feeling as useless as an elephant in a minefield. I was a fucking mess, and it was absolutely pitiful, but I couldn’t stop replaying Fallon’s and my conversation. The devastation on her face, the internal battle she was clearly having with herself, trying to decide what was right and what was wrong… it almost brought me to my knees.
I couldn’t stop thinking about her.
Wondering if she was okay.
If Derek had given her a ring yet.
“So what happened?” Dawson leaned back on the brick, hiking a leg up behind him.
“She’s gone,” I said matter-of-factly. Maybe if I acted as if it didn’t bother me any longer, I’d start to believe it.
“Well… you two weren’t a forever thing, right? From what I remember you telling me.”
“But…” I started, feeling my heart grow colder in my chest. “I think I wanted it to be.” Not think, you knew.
“Did you tell her that?”
I shrugged. “It was complicated. But I think she knew. I gave her an out, and she didn’t take it. She turned her back on me, and I can’t blame anyone but myself for feeling like this.”
Silence passed between us. The door of the bar opened and closed several times, laughter from sloppy drunks filtering through the air. Dawson pushed away from the building, and I glanced up at him.
“Let me ask you something, Emmett. Does the heartbreak outweigh the feeling you had when you were with her?”
I paused, my mind focusing on his words. I thought to myself long and hard, repeating his question. Does the heartbreak outweigh the
feeling you had when you were with her?
Not even a chance.
Did this hurt?
Yes.
But what I felt for her went deeper than I had ever even thought possible. I didn’t just feel her inside my chest, I felt her everywhere.
My brother slapped me on the back, guiding me to his truck. “That means she was worth it, bro.”
That… she was.
Chapter Twenty-One