“Speaking of,” she said, “what lesson are we working on tonight? Since I’m all dressed up for it.”
The thought died at her words. She thought this was a lesson. Because…of course she did. That was what she’d asked for. Just like a year ago when she’d asked for two months of carefree sex, and I’d given it to her. Until we both caught feelings, and that had been thrown out the window.
She wasn’t ready for a relationship. She’d said that, but I’d ignored her. Hoped that these lessons would bring us together again like last time. Not that I’d force her into a relationship she wasn’t ready for. But I wouldn’t settle for just this either. Not with how perfect we were together.
“No lesson,” I said finally.
Her nose wrinkled in confusion. “Oh? I figured the clothes and dinner went together.”
I laced my fingers with hers in the back of the car. “No. The clothes were a lesson. And you look stunning in them. This…the rest of this, is just a date.”
Her cheeks colored. “Oh. Well, I didn’t realize…”
“I wanted to take you out. As long as that’s all right with you.”
She paused as if debating whether or not it was okay with her. I wasn’t used to this feeling. Like I had to work for the person I was interested in. But I was interested in Natalie and only Natalie. A year without her had shown me that. So, I would wait. I’d be patient. I’d wait for her to be there, too.
“That sounds nice,” she finally said with a hesitant smile.
“Good.”
We’d get there. I knew there was so much more that she wasn’t telling me. So much more that she was holding back. But how could I even blame her?
Sure, I was pissed about Lewis. But I’d fucked things up with her first. With that goddamn bet. Then Lewis had shattered her trust, too. It was amazing that she was even talking to me. Let alone going out on a date with me.
We just had to take the next steps together. Prove that we could move on from what was holding us back. The lies that had torn us apart in the first place.
Chapter 13
Natalie
Tension settled in between my shoulder blades. There was no reason for it to be there. I’d been calling our date a date all day when talking to Jane. I was excited about it. But I just hadn’t put two and two together that this was a date, date.
I didn’t know why it even mattered. Penn and I had been seeing each other for a few weeks. We’d been staying at each other’s places, gone to the charity function, and been having a lot of incredible sex.
But all of that had had the sheen of him teaching me, of these lessons. They’d kept a certain level of separation. Even if it was imaginary separation. Because there was so little that actually separated me and Penn.
Now that I knew this was a real date, no lesson at all, I felt a little unsettled. Like I should have anticipated this. Thought about what I was going to say over dinner or something.
God, I needed to shake this off. I’d never had a problem being around Penn before. Not seven years ago as we’d walked Paris together. Or in the Hamptons when we’d cohabited for a few months. Not even when I’d been dating his best friend. There had been other nerves for that, but I’d always been comfortable around him. Even when I hated him.
“Breathe,” he said softly into my ear as we reached the host at the front of the restaurant.
I inhaled and then let it out slowly. I was being ridiculous. This was Penn after all. It was just that relationship stuff so soon after Lewis, even if I wanted it, made me nervous. I wasn’t the Natalie he’d wanted before, and he didn’t know all the deep, dark edges of me yet. The parts I wasn’t ready to look at in the light. The ones that said to burn this world down. That nothing could make up for what they’d done.
“Ah, right this way,” the host said with a smile.
“Are you okay?” Penn asked, gently taking my elbow as we followed the host to our table.
“Just a little nervous,” I admitted.
He grinned. “Since when do I make you nervous?”
“Have we ever gone on a date before?”
“Hmm, maybe not. Though I think there’s another reason for your nerves.”
I tried to force the smile on my face. How did he see through me so easily? See to my anger about Lewis. I didn’t want to ruin this date, even before I had known it was a real date. I wanted to do it even less now by telling Penn what had transpired.
Penn pulled my chair out, and I sat across from him. The restaurant was exquisite. Low lighting with flickering candles on every table. Everyone was dressed to the nines, and the room was crowded with young couples holding hands and glowing. This wasn’t a first-date kind of place. This was a place where you put your name on the list six months in advance and hoped you could get a table. This was a place that guys splurged on when they were proposing.