She thought about her life back in London. Her friendship with Aimee. Her job. Her mother fostering children as a way of giving and receiving love. She felt a million miles from everything right now but that was her reality, not this. This was a potential fantasy and what had happened to her resolve to never enter into those again …?
Her sigh broke the silence and she stared at a point in the middle distance, despair weighing her down. She heard Leo move and glanced back at him. He was a man in pain and her heart gripped. She couldn’t give up on him just yet.
‘I realise that this is an intensely painful subject for you, but I think it’s eating you alive, Leo. And I think you’re still suffering from your mother’s abandonment of you at a time when you needed her most.’
‘She didn’t have a choice.’
‘So you keep saying, but …’
‘I was responsible for Sasha’s death.’ The harsh words seemed wrenched from some deeply hidden place inside him.
‘What do you mean?’
‘I was supposed to be looking after him that night.’
His voice held a wealth of self-recrimination and Lexi’s brows pulled together. ‘Where were your parents?’
He made a harsh sound. ‘Fighting. It was always my job to look after Sasha when they fought. Only that particular night I couldn’t be bothered. I was more interested in my computer game than my baby brother.’
He stormed back into the bedroom and Lexi heard the sound of him dressing. His revelation had been shocking and her heart went out to him.
She got up slowly and went to the doorway. He ignored her and continued to button his shirt. ‘Leo, you weren’t responsible for your brother.’
He continued to ignore her.
‘Your parents were wrong to burden you with his safety. You’re not to blame for his death. You know that, right?’
When he looked at her his eyes were bleak. ‘None of that changes the fact that he’s gone. That I let him down. That he would be here now if not for me!’
Lexi felt a lump form in her throat at his hoarse tone.
‘You didn’t—’
‘Enough! I’ve dealt with all this; it’s in the past.’ He tucked his shirt into his trousers and stalked away from her.
She hesitated briefly before persisting. ‘I don’t think you have dealt with it.’ She eyed him carefully. ‘Not if you think Sasha’s death was somehow your fault.’
He stopped dressing. ‘I was old enough to know better.’
‘You were ten!’
He ignored her and Lexi shook her head. Did he seriously believe he should have known better? ‘You were only a child yourself. But even if you refuse to see the truth in that, what does it mean? That you have to pay for Sasha’s death for the rest of your life?’
He stopped and stared at her and Lexi felt a spurt of hope that he was hearing her. ‘You have to forgive yourself, Leo. You have to stop playing God. But you also have to forgive your father. If you don’t, you just might become him. A lonely, empty man who was obviously filled with anger and hate.’
His blue eyes were icy as he looked at her. ‘Are you done?’
‘Leo, Ty needs you. I n—’ Lexi stopped on a sudden inhalation. What had she been about to say? That she needed him? No. She didn’t need him. She loved him. There was a difference. One created a dependency, the other a partnership. But he didn’t want that and she did. More than ever with him. ‘I know you can be a great father to Ty and, no matter what you think, you deserve to be happy.’
‘I asked if you were done.’
Lexi wrapped her arms around herself in an attempt to stop herself from going to him. She loved him and he was in pain and she felt it all the way to her bones.
‘Leo, I feel sick to think of what you must have gone through as a child, but you don’t have to live alone like your uncle, and you would never hurt Ty.’
He made a brittle sound in his throat. ‘You say that with such confidence, angel.’
Lexi felt him slipping away from her. ‘Because you’re different from your father, Leo. You’ve already made different choices in your life but for some reason you refuse to see that.’ She felt a spurt of anger at his cold detachment, desperate to reach him any way she could. ‘You know I’m starting to think you like hanging onto the pain of your childhood. I think it gives you an excuse for never taking a chance on love.’