same bed since I was three. You can’t sleep without me, and I can’t sleep without you.”
“It was fine when we were younger, but things are different now, Nova.” His eyes went to me then quickly averted to something else. “You’re not a little girl anymore. You’re…you. And if people found you in bed with me, they would think we’re….” He scrubbed both hands over his face in frustration.
“No one would think that,” I muttered, but still, I got out of his bed. It was obvious he didn’t want me there, and that hurt. Yet I wasn’t all that surprised. I’d known this day would come. Had feared it.
No friendship like ours had ever stood the test of time. I’d hoped that we would be different, but realistically, I’d known that a guy and a girl couldn’t be just friends their entire lives. My crush on him was proof enough of that.
“Nova, you’re only sixteen. If the wrong person found out you were sleeping in my bed with me—”
“What?” I demanded angrily. “What could they do, Ryan? No one would do shit, because they know us! They know you wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. And if they don’t know that, then fuck them. Because they don’t matter.” Walking over to the chair, I grabbed my bottle of lotion. “Just tell me the truth. You don’t want me to sleep with you anymore.”
“Yes,” he gritted out.
I was glad my back was still to him so he couldn’t see the tears that suddenly filled my eyes. Tightening my fingers around the little bottle, I nodded. “Okay, then. I won’t bother you at night again.”
Blindly, I made my way to the door, hoping with each step I took that he would stop me. When I touched the doorknob, I felt as if my heart were physically breaking.
“Goodnight, Nova,” he said from behind me.
“Goodnight,” I choked out.
* * *
Sleep didn’t come that night, despite how exhausted I was. Even with all the tears I cried, I couldn’t hide from the pain in my heart in dreamland.
I knew I was being ridiculous. I shouldn’t be this upset simply because Ryan didn’t want to cuddle with me at night. It made me feel like a whiny little girl, and that sure as hell wasn’t me. But I knew deep down that it was just the first step toward the end of our friendship.
First, would be not allowing me to sleep beside him. Then, he’d slowly drift further and further away from me. Before long, we wouldn’t even speak to each other on the phone like we typically did. It was only a matter of time before Ryan pulled completely away from me and moved on with his life. He was a man now, after all, and I was still a little girl in his eyes.
Deciding I would suck it up and take what I could get of him for as long as he gave it, I got dressed and went down for breakfast.
Ciana was already up and dressed in her work scrubs. She worked at a private clinic in the city and she seemed to enjoy her job, but I knew she wished she could work at a hospital instead. She’d worked so hard to become a nurse, but her parents had insisted she work at a private women’s health facility rather than where anyone could come in and possibly harm her. It was frustrating for her, because she had skills she knew could help others, but most days, all she did was take blood pressures and temperatures.
At least she was working with people, though, which was the biggest plus for her. Ciana thrived around people, which made being a nurse perfect for her.
“Good morning,” she greeted with a warm smile. “How about stopping by the clinic today and having lunch with me?”
“I was hoping to spend the day with Ryan,” I told her as I dropped into my usual chair at the table.
Her brows rose. “I thought he was going to be busy moving in to his apartment all day.”
“His apartment?” I repeated, every muscle in my body tightening painfully.
“Yeah. He barely stopped for a cup of coffee earlier, he was in such a rush. He said he and Garret were moving in to Tetka’s old apartment. You know, the vacant one right below Theo and Tavia’s?” When I just sat there staring at her, her cheerful mood seemed to evaporate. “You didn’t know he was moving out?”
“No.” Picking up a slice of toast, I took an angry bite, even though food was the last thing I wanted. But I needed something to do so I didn’t do something stupid—like start crying again.
“Nova—” she began, but I quickly cut her off, not sure I could withstand her sympathy.
“I would love to have lunch with you, Ciana.” Picking up a glass of juice, I stood. “I’ll meet you at the clinic around noon.”
“I’m sorry,” she called after me.
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” I told her and kept walking. “As busy as he’s been lately, I’m sure he needs to be closer to work. He just forgot to tell me. It’s fine.”
“Since when has Ryan ever been too busy for you?” she grumbled from the table.
“Since he became a man.”