our relationship, in your attraction to me. It doesn’t make me feel threatened if you’re attracted to Griff, too. I love Griff; I want good things for him. You’re the best thing I have.”
She rolls her eyes. “It’s just more complicated than loaning him your favorite dinner jacket, Sebastian. This could harm our relationship.”
“We won’t let it,” I assure her, even though I had the same thought.
After a brief pause, she asks, “You really want to do this?”
“It’s worth a try. If we don’t, we lose him anyway. If we try and it doesn’t work out, if there’s no spark or he’s worked it all up to something in his head that can’t stack up… well, then we had an adventurous experience and it’s over. We move on with our lives. It’s you and me forever, sweetheart, for better or worse. I wouldn’t tell you to do this if I didn’t believe in my ability to handle it.”
She stands quickly, like she has to, or she’ll change her mind. “I’m going upstairs. I’m going to take off my clothes and get in bed. Whatever happens after that is up to you. If you want to send Griff up, send him up. If you change your mind, come up yourself. I don’t know how I feel about this, but I don’t want Griff to leave us, either. I don’t know.”
7
Moira
I don’t know if it’s the chilly weather or fear that makes me shiver as I step out of my panties and reach behind my back to unclasp my bra. I feel vaguely nauseous.
I can’t shake the feeling that this is a terrible idea, but it may just be because this is outside my comfort zone. I have always been a firmly monogamous person. I’ve never even dated casually, so when Sebastian slipped the platinum band on my finger, that was it for me. I don’t struggle with attractions to other men. I don’t spend a moment of time wondering what else is out there. I am overwhelmingly happy with the amazing man I married. There’s nothing missing from our relationship or my life. We don’t need this.
We don’t, but Sebastian might.
I worry that if Griff leaves, something important will go missing from Sebastian’s life. If Griff leaves now, maybe Sebastian blames me. Even if not intentionally—he may still feel it’s because of me he lost his best friend, his only family. He won’t even be wrong. It is because of me. Not because of anything I’ve done, but because of me, nonetheless.
This is a unique predicament I’m in.
Then there’s Griff himself. I don’t want him to be unhappy either, but I don’t know if I can make him happy. I’ve only ever thought of Griff as a friend. Sure, he’s a wonderful, handsome man—as I saw a few weeks ago when I helped him out of his shirt, a very handsome man—and I enjoy his company, but having a sexual relationship with him is another matter entirely. Plus, I know Griff; it won’t just be sexual. He’ll need an emotional connection, too. He’ll need a full-blown relationship.
I’ll have two relationships with two different men. I did not sign up for that.
I pace around the room and debate locking the door. Finally, I follow my husband’s directions and slide into the king-sized bed where Sebastian made love to me just this morning. Flashes of this morning come to mind, Sebastian’s kisses on my neck, his hands roaming my body. It makes my stomach sink. Only Sebastian should be in this bed with me. Only Sebastian should have my body. I don’t want my husband to lose his best friend, but I shouldn’t have to do this to keep him here. Sebastian told me to, though.
I go over the same confusing thoughts and feelings while I wait. I talk it to death inside my own head. Perhaps I should have stayed downstairs and taken part in this conversation. This is about me too, after all. Sometimes Sebastian gets a little heavy-handed in matters like these. I don’t mind overly much, but it annoys Griff. Ordinarily, I defend Sebastian’s more domineering impulses, but ordinarily it’s something insignificant—what we should have for dinner, what color of lingerie he wants me to order. Not the parameters for my sexual relationship with another man.
I’m playing in another league tonight, and I never even went to a try-out.
The sound of knuckles rapping lightly on the door draws me out of my thoughts and kills my last hope that Sebastian might come up and save me from all this. Sebastian would never knock on our bedroom door—he would stroll right in.
So, of course when the door eases open, it’s Griff. He looks confused. I am, too. I have no idea what he and Sebastian discussed. Does he even know he’s here to potentially fuck me? I say potentially, but I’m naked in this bed—how many other ways can this go?
Oh, my God.
Another man’s dick is going to be inside me. A man who isn’t my husband.
Griff eases inside the room like he thinks he might be in the wrong place. “Uh… Seb said you wanted to talk.”
My heart thumps loudly in my chest. I swallow, tightening my grip on the sheet around my breasts, and nod my head. His gaze drops to my bare shoulders, to the way I have the sheet wrapped around me. I can see by the way his face freezes that he’s realizing I’m naked underneath.
He clears his throat. “Am I interrupting? I can… this can wait.”
My stomach feels all fluttery, but I shake my head. If Sebastian wants me to do this, then… well, I’ll try. “Come over here,” I tell him, patting the empty space on the bed next to me. Not Sebastian’s spot—my side of the bed, if we kept to sides. We don’t. Sebastian and I sleep snuggled up against one another, but I can’t think of that right now. I’ll never be able to go through with this if I do.
Maybe that means I shouldn’t.
As I grasp for a way out of this situation, Griff looks reluctant to even enter it. He looks anywhere but at me, like he’s invading my privacy. We don’t speak. He eventually takes a seat on the edge of the bed, but I pat it again and he moves full on it next to me, stretching out his long legs. He stares straight ahead.
“What did Sebastian tell you?” I ask, watching him closely.
“Not that you would be naked,” he states. “He said you wanted to talk to me. This part he left out.”