She dropped her beautiful ruby-red lips into an O. “Why on earth would you say that?”
I let out a scoff. “Because it’s true, that’s why.”
“Isn’t that for me to decide? I chose to put my trust in you, and you didn’t let me down. We’ll try another time. It doesn’t matter.”
“It matters,” I said. “There are things you don’t know.”
“I’m right here. I’ve got two good ears, and I’m a good listener. Tell me anything. I promise it won’t affect how much I love you or trust you.”
I let out a heavy sigh. “Something happened to me… Some unimaginable things.”
“What kinds of things?”
My vocal cords froze. Chills dashed through my neck, and I was paralyzed, unable to speak further. After a moment or two of silence, she crawled toward me and snuggled up to my body, her skin like silk.
“I will never pressure you to say anything you’re not ready to say,” she said. “But I can promise you that nothing will change my feelings about you.”
And in that moment—that moment where she had showed me the ultimate trust—I actually believed her.
“Last time at the end of our session, we decided we would talk about what happened to you when you were ten,” Dr. Carmichael said.
I sat in the usual spot, clenching the arms of the hunter-green recliner. I nodded.
“Do you want to go there today? Are you feeling up to it?”
I couldn’t help chuckling. “If I waited to until I felt up to it, I’d be dead and buried before it happened.”
“I understand. We will get to it, Talon, but it’s not absolutely essential that it happen today.”
“So you’re letting me off the hook?”
“You’re not on any hook. What you say here is your choice. If you’re not ready to talk about that, would you like to try the guided hypnosis today? Maybe we can find out what you were dreaming about when you ended up with your hands around Jade’s neck.”
I didn’t like the idea of someone inside my head any more than I liked the idea of talking about certain things, but I desperately needed to figure out why I had ended up in that position with Jade. I had to, if I wanted a future with her. As it stood now, I would not spend the night with her again until I was certain I would never hurt her.
“All right,” I said to Dr. Carmichael. “Let’s try it today.”
“Some people are more comfortable on the couch during this kind of session,” she said.
The idea of being on a shrink’s couch freaked me out a bit. “I think I’d rather stay in the chair.”
“Why don’t you pull the handle to let it recline. I need you to be relaxed, Talon, or this won’t work.”
I released the lever and let my feet rise. “Understood,” I said.
“I’m going to dim the lights, and then we’ll begin, okay?”
I nodded. Now or never.
Dr. Carmichael came back and took the chair opposite me. “Are you comfortable? Do you need a pillow or a blanket?”
“I’m fine.”
“All right,” she said. “The first thing you need to know about hypnosis is that it’s more than a state of relaxation. It can be any state where you disassociate and become more focused and more suggestible. Do you ever have flashbacks, Talon?”
I fidgeted, gripping the chair as usual. I nodded slightly.
“I understand that’s a difficult thing for you to admit. But I’m asking because I want you to understand that during those flashbacks, you’re most likely in a state of self-induced hypnosis. I think it’s necessary for you to know that before we proceed.”