“I love her.” It’s difficult to talk to someone who isn’t here. I did this with Peyton when she was lying in her bed, wondering if she could hear me. Over the past few months, I’ve dropped hints about things I told her, hoping she’d remember or feel like I’ve said these things to her before, but she hasn’t said anything.
I read a book on dying and the afterlife, wondering what Peyton might be experiencing, and also curious if she saw anyone. Where was she? And is there a bright light waiting for us? I don’t want to ask her though because I feel like it’s her personal journey, something only she can relate to. It’s not like taking a trip to the zoo and sharing it with your friend who has also been there.
But this journey I had to take alone. I can’t recall the last time I visited Mason’s grave. Probably with Peyton on his birthday before I left for college. Even with Katelyn living in California, Mason’s marker and plot are taken care of. Mr. Powell is too old to do it, but I know Katelyn pays for someone to make sure it’s pristine.
I lay next to him with my ankles crossed, telling him about Peyton, and how amazing she is. I want to believe he knows this, and that maybe he was there with her in the hospital. Would he have told her to stay? Or encourage her to come with him? The latter I can’t even think about because not having her in my life would kill me.
“She’s beautiful and smart. You’d be so proud of her,” I tell him. “I’m sure you never thought I would be here to ask this, but I’m seeking your permission to marry Peyton. Now you’re probably thinking I’m nuts because I’m older and we grew up together, but I’ve been in love with her as long as I can remember. I want her to be my wife, have my children, be my voice of reason and call me out on my shit when I need it. You know, she’s really good at that, by the way. My girl doesn’t have an ounce of fear in her body.”
The cemetery is peaceful. There are a few people milling around, but no one bothers you here. The trees sway in the wind and off into the distance car doors slam, music plays softly and voices carry over the acres of land. I don’t expect an answer or a sign, but knowing I’ve been here and have asked the question; it gives me a peace of mind. I imagine I’ll have to tell Peyton about coming here, and have a feeling this is where we’ll get married… Beaumont, not the cemetery, so she has both her dads with her on her big day. Honestly, I wouldn’t want it any other way.
She covers her face once more, hiding the tears I know she’s shedding. But it’s in that moment where I’m watching her and she’s watching me, that the sky opens up and the sun starts to shine, and everyone in my family turns their faces toward the warmth, welcoming Mason to the game.
The End.