“We have a leak and a missing child,” I tell Joey. Her eyes go wide and her hand covers her mouth.
“Shit, who has the baby?”
“Millie,” I reply, as Joey turns toward their house. I go into the house and look for the leak. Nothing on the first floor indicates running water, and climbing the stairs I dread where a leak could be. The bathroom and our bedroom show no signs of water, leaving only the baby’s room. When I open the door, I see the rain from outside pelting down onto the crib.
“You’ve got to be kidding me. This is exactly why I’ll never own a home.”
I can’t call a contractor, because according to this game I wouldn’t be able to afford it. So I move the crib out of the way to at least save that stuff.
“Wow,” she exclaims from behind me.
“I know.” I sigh. “What are we supposed to do?”
“I think use our friends. Cole is a contractor.”
“Do you want to quit?” I ask her. “I don’t care about winning right now. This won’t be our life.”
She looks from me to the doll in her hands to the bulging belly. Her nod is slow, but it’s there. I never thought I’d quit any game in my life, but this one has to stop. I barrel down the steps and out the door to find Gary, Cole, and Bronx all heading to the buzzer. I step back in as coyly as I can and whisper for Joey to come downstairs.
“Everyone hates this game,” I say into her ear. “The guys are out there right now pressing the button. Let’s wait five minutes.”
Sure enough the buzzer sounds three times and Patrick is on the loud speaker proclaiming us the winners. I have a distinct feeling this game did not go as they thought. Their idea to beat us down and cause situations that aren’t necessarily going to exist doesn’t make much sense.
I help Joey out of the fat suit, which is a little harder than helping her put on it. I do my best to shield her from the cameras. I really don’t want anyone looking at her body other than me.
“I’m so happy to be out of that thing.”
“I have to say I like this Joey much better. The other was miserable, and it hadn’t even been twenty-four hours yet. Imagine if it were the real thing.”
As soon as the words are out of my mouth I want to take them back. She visibly freezes and avoids eye contact. “Are you ready?”
“Um, yeah,” I say as I walk in front of her. Foot in mouth should be my new name.
When we step outside happy, but exhausted friends greet us. Even Bronx offers us a congratulatory pat on the back. This challenge was hell. I don’t look back at the pretend home that could’ve been my realistic doom as I enter the house. None of our furniture is back, but I don’t care. I’m in need of a shower, or a bath. A nice long bath with my wife sounds pretty amazing right now.
Bringing my hand out of the warm water, I let my finger dangle over her chest. The water trickles down, beading on her skin. Joey’s head rests on my shoulder and her legs are locked under mine. This is one of the most intimate moments of my life and it’s happening during a TV show. The rest of our time here can’t go fast enough. At this point, it doesn’t matter if Joey and I win, I just want to get her alone. I want to be free to explore her body without having to be in the shower or winning a competition. I want to hold her without being interrupted.
First things first, as soon as I see Jason, I’m telling him to tear up the annulment papers. I hope he and Matt won’t be waiting for me, but if either of them is, they need to know that Joey isn’t going anywhere. Jason is going to pop an artery. He’s all about pre-nups, clauses, and amendments. Even if Joey leaves me six months from now, I’ll give her anything she asks for. She’s with me because of me, not my checkbook.
“I’m filming a movie in Alabama a week after the tour is over.”
Joey adjusts slightly, water sloshing around. “You’d think with me being your number one fan, I would know that. I’m off my game.”
I wrap my arms around her, pulling her closer. “I’m thinking that you could head up my fan club. As president, I’d offer you some fringe benefits.” That was corny, but didn’t sound so bad when I was running those words through my head.
She turns in my arms, her breasts on full display and begging for me to touch them. I hold back though because she has a serious look on her face.
“You don’t know anything about me.”
Her statement confuses me. She’s right. I don’t. “You know what, you’re right. We’ve spent all this time together and I haven’t asked you the important questions. You know everything about me, so why don’t we change this tiny tidbit?”
“Tiny?”
I lean forward and slide her over my legs so she’s straddling me. “I say tiny because nothing you tell me now can change the way I feel about you. I know the important things, like what happened with Tony. One thing I don’t know about you is where you’re from or when your birthday is.”
“Okay, well I’m from Springcreek, Oregon and my birthday is September eighth.”
“Hmm,” I say, moving her wet hair behind her shoulder. “So we could be on our honeymoon and celebrating your birthday, huh?”