“Say it again,” I plead, needing to hear her say the words that will make us parents, the words which are going to change everything for the better.
“I’m pregnant,” she says, shrugging with a look of sorrow across her face, obviously expecting that I’d be upset.
“I’m going to be a dad?” I ask, for reassurance. Penny nods hesitantly and that’s not good enough for me. I pick her up and twirl her around the kitchen, laughing. “I’m going to be a dad!”
I put her down and drop to my knees. “I’m going to be a dad,” I whisper against the skin protecting my unborn child. I kiss her softly, resting my forehead there for a brief moment before standing back up.
“I love you, Penelope.”
“Are you sure you’re okay with this? Some of the other wives said it’s not a good idea to be pregnant so early in our marriage.”
“Are any of those women sharing our bed at night?”
She shakes her head.
“Are any of those women our friends?”
She shakes her head again.
“Well then you let them worry about their own marriages and we’ll worry about ours. I’m fucking ecstatic. You have no idea how happy I am that we’re going to have a baby.”
“Yeah?” she asks, sniffling.
“Yeah, now lets go take that shower so I can show you how happy I am.”
I take her by her hand and lead her to bathroom, kicking the door to as I go by. As soon as we step into the bathroom, I pull the straps on her bathing suit.
“Wait, I saw this news report where this lady was pregnant by two different men. Can that happen if we have sex right now?”
Penny shakes her he
ad and pushes me toward the shower. “No, Tucker. But I hear that I’m going to get really, really horny.”
“Well shit, more sex for me. Bring it on, baby.”
I hate waiting. I feel like I’ve been waiting my entire life to see my family again. For me it’s been a lifetime. The pictures I received didn’t do the longing justice, and each time I think about one of the packages that was sent to me, I wonder if that’s what Claire even looks like. That’s why Cara had the age progression done—there isn’t anyone we can trust. I take out the last photo I have of Claire and study it. When I left her, she looked like me, but does that mean she still does? The picture tells me she does, but how I can be sure?
I can’t. I can’t know for sure until I see her with my own eyes, until I can feel the contours of her face with my fingertips. Even if I see her today, it’ll likely be years before I get to hug her. She doesn’t know me. She won’t remember me.
And worse, she calls another man dad.
I won’t hear that word from her today, probably never, and I don’t know if I can cope with that. It would be one thing if I had done something to hurt her, to lose her desire to refer to me as her father, but I didn’t. I went to work, expecting to return quickly. And when I finally came home, I expected my family to be waiting for me.
A car door slams and the gravel in the parking lot crunches underneath their heavy footfalls. I remember walking up the steps to this room and imagine whoever is outside doing the same.
I stand to go to the door, but Nate steps in front of me and Evan puts his hand on my shoulder.
“Let Cara and Ryley do their jobs,” Evan says lowly. Right now I want to break him; tell him to get out of my way so I can go to Penny. No one stopped him from running to Ryley so why can’t I go to my wife?
“I know she’s next door. I can feel her, Archer. My heart is racing with anticipation knowing she’s just beyond that wall. She doesn’t know I’m alive and won’t believe Ryley. What if she leaves? What if she runs before I get a chance to show her I’m alive? You got these moments with Ryley, why deny me what you had?”
“It’s not that, McCoy. Think about what Rask is going through with his parents. Think about your daughter. She was a toddler when you left, she’s not going to remember you. You can almost guarantee that Penny didn’t bring any pictures of you with her for fear that Claire would say something. Imagine Penny living in fear for the past six years, always wondering who was behind her. Imagine her looking at Claire and seeing you. Or her daughter calling another man dad. I’ve been there, McCoy. I’ve experienced it firsthand. The one I was destined to be with was engaged to another man. I’m there now with my son calling another man dad and waiting for him to say those words to me. Each time EJ looks at me, I think this is going to be the day that he says it, but he doesn’t. He either calls me Evan or doesn’t say anything at all. Part of me wants to demand that he call me dad, but the other part of me wants him to do it on his own.
“This can’t be you, McCoy. Think about Penny and what she’s being told. Think about the shock of knowing she’s been found and what’s going through her head. Her only goal in life is to protect Claire from Lawson and the only way she knows how to do that is hide. We need to treat the situation with kid gloves and trust Cara and Ryley to convince her that they’re safe.
“Penny thinks we’re all dead and yet here we are, McCoy. She doesn’t know if she can trust Ryley and probably doesn’t remember Cara. If you go over there, she’s going to panic and that will be the last time you see her.”
He’s right and I hate it. I hate that Penny is over there and three Navy SEALs are here holding me captive. One of them I could take, but not all three. I’d be down on the ground in the matter of seconds with my hands pinned behind my back. And I’m pretty sure Nate is packing.