“I’m not trying to, and I didn’t really mean to say anything, but it just came out. Dad, I overheard her husband on the phone—he was horrible. I feel bad for her because his ways led to her addiction, but he blames her.”
“And you say she has children?”
“Two of them. I know one is a girl because it’s her birthday, but I’m not sure about the other one. Plus she was a stay-at-home mom, so her job skills are lacking.”
He nods but otherwise doesn’t say anything. I can’t imagine he’ll tell me no, especially since I’ve already opened my mouth, but I could be wrong. Bringing home an addict isn’t always the best thing to do.
We go back to the bench, where my mom and Susan are in an animated conversation. This is the first time that I’ve seen Susan smile. I imagine before the drugs took over her body, she was probably very pretty. But the drastic weight loss and effects from the meth have taken their toll. She’s rail thin and hardly eats. I imagine she’s depressed too, which probably isn’t helping her situation.
My dad and I linger for a bit, not wanting to interrupt them. When Bruce comes along, my dad disappears with him, lea
ving me to fend for myself. I should be pissed that my mom is paying more attention to Susan than to me, but as I look at my mom and Susan talking, I know it’s a good thing—Susan can probably use it a little more than I can.
—
I dive into the pond, reveling in the tepid water. It’s warmer than I thought it would be, but still a reprieve from the smoldering heat. I stay under until my lungs burn with desire for air before rising to the surface. The giant gulp of air I need isn’t lost on me as I float on my back to relax. Out of the corner of my eye, the sunset is showcasing an array of colors. The rich reds, oranges, and hints of pink cast an eerie glow over the sky, making it seem magical. For whatever reason, the sky reminds me of Kimberly. Every time I see her I feel better. I feel like I’m not at rehab but at a retreat where I’m learning how to work. She doesn’t treat me like I’m a drug addict or in recovery.
As the sun starts to disappear, I know it’s time to head toward the dock. I haven’t broken a rule yet, aside from finger-banging Kimberly out in the woods, and tonight won’t be any different. I’m so grateful for all the help I’ve been given, and the last thing I want to do is piss off Bruce or Dr. Rosenberg.
I swim a few laps before heading toward the dock. There’s a shadowy silhouette on the dock, and I’m unable to make out who it could be. When I climb up, my question is answered. Kim is standing there with my towel in her hand. The smile grows across my face before I’m even out of the water.
“Thanks,” I say, taking it from her and drying off.
“I heard what you did today.”
I nod, not wanting to go into it. By the time it was all said and done, Susan and my mother had become fast friends, and my mom was none the wiser until my dad filled her in on their way home. I imagine my mom will be back here again to see Susan now that she knows what she’s going through.
“It was nice, Bodhi. You can take credit for doing something nice for someone. Susan is your friend.”
“She’s not my friend, I told you that. I don’t want any friends from here. It’s not like I’m going to come back here for a reunion or exchange phone numbers with anyone. Outside of here they’ll only want to be my friend because of my connections. The only thing we have in common is that we’re addicts.” As soon as the words are out of my mouth I want to take them back. Kimberly looks like I’ve just popped the balloon she got from the fair. She sees things so differently than I do. She lives in a world where everyone helps one another, whereas my world is about who is going to scratch your back and whose ass you need to kiss.
Kimberly turns abruptly and walks away, leaving me standing on the dock. I hate watching her leave. Suddenly I realize that she thinks I meant to include her in my comment about people wanting to be my friends only because of my connections.
“Kimberly, wait,” I call, loving the way her name sounds as it comes out of my mouth. I rush up to her and step in front of her, halting her movement. “What I said back there isn’t entirely true. You’re my friend. I mean, I think of you as one and want to stay in touch with you, but these others…” I pause and shake my head. “We don’t fit into each other’s worlds. Hell, you probably don’t fit either, but I want you to.”
“We’re different,” she says, stating the truth.
I shrug. “Who gives a fuck? Opposites attract and all that shit. The other night felt pretty fucking good if you ask me.”
She blushes and I love it. I pull her close, only to realize people are probably watching. “Is there a place we can go?”
Kimberly shakes her head and avoids making eye contact with me. I run my hand through my hair as a flood of emotions starts to take over. The thought of never getting to see her again sends a gut-wrenching pain through my body. I know it’s been only a little over a week and the circumstances suck shit, but I have to tell her. She has to know what I’m feeling.
“I want to see you outside of here, show you the world I live in and have you experience the glitz and glam of Hollywood and the music world. I know you probably think we’re all screwed up, and maybe we are, but you’re teaching me how to be a better person. I know what I did for Susan was a good thing, but I didn’t do it so people could make a big deal about it. I did it because she’s trying to get better and has no one in her corner once she leaves here. I can’t imagine that. I can’t fathom what it must be like not to have a support system when you walk out of rehab. She needs that. I’m just in a position, because of who my parents are and what I do for a living, to give that to her. Whether she takes me up on it or not is yet to be seen.
“But you…you’re important to me. So important that I can’t think straight sometimes, because I have so much fear that if I leave here I’ll never see you again. I’ve dreamt about you from the first night I was here. The other day, when you took me riding, you shocked the shit out of me, but the way you made me feel, giving yourself to me like that…” I shake my head. “Fuck, Kim, that was the sexiest thing I have ever done. So what’s my alternative? To keep using so that I can see you? Or pray that you’ll come see me when I’m out of here?”
The way she looks at me, with the moon casting a glow on us, makes it seem like we’re in the middle of a movie set. The only thing missing is the cheesy music put over the clip to alert the viewers that a kissing scene is coming up.
Kiss her.
I lean forward, listening to my heart, and press my lips against hers. They’re soft and mold to mine perfectly. I step toward her, closing the gap, and place my hand on her hip, bringing her forward just a hair. My tongue reaches out to test her willingness to kiss me, gliding along her lower lip. She places her hands on my chest and her fingers brush over my skin, sending shock waves to my core. And the burn…the burn I felt from the moment I shook her hand is there and it’s strong. I have never believed in fate or destiny, but maybe that burning feeling is a sign that this is the right path for us.
This kiss is different from what happened the other day. That one was rushed, our hunger for each other playing out. Tonight I’m trying to show her that I can be sensitive and romantic. I can kiss her under the moonlight if that’s what she needs.
“Stop,” she says, pushing me away. I do as she asks, not wanting to upset her.
“I’m not sorry I did that, Kim.”