And now with him standing in my room, I want nothing more than to be with him, to fall asleep in his arms and to hold his hand while we tour Paris and he falls in love. Except, he’s not here to sightsee or fall in love with our surroundings. Even I know that. The proverbial elephant sitting in the corner with its trunk in the air is reminding me of that. But my plan is to ignore everything and just live in the moment. I don’t want to know when he’s going home or what he’s really doing here. Those answers will come in due time. Right now, its just Tyler, me, and the city I’ve fallen in love with.
He looks around my room. It’s different from the one I have in Texas, but a lot like the one I had in New York. I found the tapestries at a farmers market during my first weekend here. I had to have them and loved stopping at every stand that I went to that day. I didn’t do those things in Texas. I barely left the ranch. I don’t know why, either. I was either afraid or just not willing to unless it was to a mall, but when I arrived here and came upon the market, it felt right. It’s what I wanted to do. It’s what I imagine myself doing every weekend.
“This is what I’m like,” I tell him as I let the fabric run over my fingers. “In New York I decorated my room with art, tapestries and lights.” I walk over to the other side of my room, which is just a fabric-covered wall. “At my mom’s, this wall had a bookshelf on it. I would look through second-hand stores for old books. Chaucer, Bronte… anything I could find.”
“Did you ever read them?”
I shake my head as my fingers move along the wall. Tyler needs to know this about me. He needs to know the real me. Not the girl that was sent to her Uncle’s ranch for breaking the rules. Not the girl who wore cowboy boots and cleaned horse stalls. That wasn’t me.
“No time,” I tell him. “There were parties and social gatherings that had to be attended. Shopping had to be done. Teachers didn’t care about our homework, just who our parents were. The firm my mom works for, they’re the legal council for the school so I had a free pass. A bunch of us did. There was the Senator’s daughter, the CEO’s son. It didn’t matter as long as the school saw the money.
“So we partied, and we went to clubs. Everyone slept late on Saturdays except for me. I’d wake up and take the train out of town while all my friends slept it off. I’d find a farmer’s market and just spend hours and hours looking at everything. My mother hated everything I brought back and so did my friends,” I trail off. He knows about my so-called friends. The moment shit went south they bailed and acted like they didn’t know me.
“I like your room. It’s different, but I like it.”
“It’s me. The pink room with the box full of My Little Ponies isn’t me. I’m sure it could’ve been had I never moved, but New York is so cultural, so diverse. One weekend, I sat in Central Park and listened to an African band play for hours. I just sat there and when I got home my mom was livid because the maid hadn’t shown up yet and she needed coffee.” I laugh even though it’s not funny. If the maid wasn’t there, it was my responsibility to keep her focused on her job and if that meant she needed coffee, I was to get it for her.
“You could –”
“Don’t say it,” I say, as I step in front of him and put my fingers to his lips. “I don’t want to talk about why you’re here. I just want to be with you. I just want to hold you, touch you.” My fingers trail down the front of his shirt pulling each button. “Tomorrow I want to be like those other couples I see at the Eiffel Tower, kissing in the sunset. Can you give me that?”
“I’ll give you anything you ask for, Savannah,” Tyler says as he walks us backwards toward my bed. “I think you know that.” He stops when I fall onto my bed. He finishes unbuttoning his shirt, rolling it over each shoulder one at a time. His sculptured chest beckons as I let my lips press against this skin.
Tyler lifts my chin, pulling me away from him. “Where’s the lady you live with?”
I sit back on my bed and pull him with me. We both lay on our sides facing each other. I have to put a pillow between us because his chest is distracting and I need to focus on him and not his body.
“When I left you at the airport, I wanted to turn around. I wanted to go back to you and ask you to take me away. It didn’t matter where, just away from Texas, New York, even here, but I knew you wouldn’t leave the ranch and I could never bring myself to be selfish enough to ask. So I got on the plane because that’s what my mother wanted.
“When I arrived, I was in the city I had only dreamt about...the city I wanted to be in even though I had only seen it through pictures. My first weekend, as you know, was everything I thought it would be. But then the workweek came around and Alexis disappeared. She works more than my mother does and I never see her. I’m alone again at dinner and on weekends, left to figure life out on my own.”
I’m ruining Tyler’s surprise with my less than stellar parental life. I can see the anguish in his eyes as he keeps eye contact with me. His touch is soft as he pushes my hair behind my ear. I turn slightly and kiss his palm as it rests on my cheek.
“What are your dreams now, Savannah?”
I close my eyes as tears start to flow. He’s my dream, but I’m not ready. I’m not yet eighteen and have always said I don’t want to end up like my mother. What if I grew to resent Tyler when he’s been nothing but good to me? I’m not sure I’d be able to live with myself.
Then there’s the ranch. He loves it. I outgrew it. One of us would have to make a sacrifice and I’m not sure I can do that.
“I’m not sure my dreams are worthy of what dreams should be,” I tell him.
“Everyone’s dreams should be followed.”
“What if they hurt the ones you love?”
He knows what I’m talking about and doesn’t pull away knowing that we could end here. “If you love someone, you let them follow their dreams and hope that eventually their dreams lead them back to you.”
“When did you get so smart?”
“I’m not Savannah, I’m just scared of losing you forever, so I’m willing to let you go in hopes you’ll come back to me in the end.” Tyler trails his hand down my side until it’s gripping my hip. “I know we’re different, but we haven’t always been. I know I can make you happy if you give me the chance.”
“And what if I can’t make you happy?”
“Impossible,” he says, as he kisses my nose.
“Tyler…”
He stops what I’m about to say by sealing my lips with his. The pillow separating us is thrown across the room and before I can catch my breath I’m under him. Tyler pulls away, but not before grinding into me.