I don’t blame him.
I’ve seen him every day since we met at the tower. He’s fun to be around and I like him. He’s different from Tyler and there’s a side of me that finds that refreshing. I haven’t told him about Tyler, not that I need to. I don’t ask Zach if he has a girlfriend because I assume if he did, he’d be with her and not with me. We are in the City of Love after all.
He was only supposed to be in Paris for three days, but decided to stay longer. I tell myself it’s because of the magic of Paris and not because of me, but I’m lying to myself. Just as I’ve been lying to Zach about whom I am. He should know that I’m only seventeen.
Today, I’m full on American. Since I’ve been here, I’ve been trying to blend with the Parisians, not today. Ball cap, khaki shorts and a t-shirt. We’re going hiking. I’m not a fan, but I’m willing to try anything once. Zach assured me that with his survival skills, if we were to get lost, I’d be in good hands. I fear those hands. I’ve tried to shy away from physical contact, but it’s impossible. I’m gravitating toward him and before I do something stupid, like kiss him, he needs to know everything about me. I vow to make today the day and hope he doesn’t leave me in the woods.
Zach knows where I live. It happened just like I thought it would. We were supposed to meet at a café near my house and I was running late. I stepped out, and he just happened to be in front of my door, walking along. He jumped, and I laughed at the absurdity of the situation. I don’t mind now that I know him a little better, but it’s still awkward. He’s ever the gentleman, though, walking me home at night and making sure I get in safely. And in true romantic fashion, I open my window to tell him I made it safely into my apartment instead of texting him.
The first time I did that, I watched him walk away, wishing he were Tyler. I want to be enough for him. I’m just not sure who I am at this point in my life. Tyler knows what he wants – the ranch. He’s was born and bred to do that where I wasn’t. Every part of Texas was taken out of me when we moved to New York and I don’t know if I fit there anymore. I love the solitude that the ranch has to offer, but working there every day is not what I had envisioned for myself.
Zach isn’t offering an alternative. I’m not asking him for one either. He is opening my eyes to other possibilities. Making sure I know there’s more than just the high society bullshit that my mother spews. Speaking of, I missed my weekly phone call with her and I fear if I don’t call her soon, she’ll show up. Alexis is none the wiser to my daily activities. She’s more absent than my mother is. Score one for Savannah in the parental unit category.
“What happened to your dad?” Zach asks as we walk along the dirt trail. The sun is out, but the temperature is cool. It’s perfect hiking weather according to my human survival guide.
I knew it was only a matter of time before Zach would start asking questions about my life. I step off the path and find a place for us to sit overlooking the town we’re in. Each town is almost the same, churches, mansions and cobblestone roads. Everything has been preserved inside the smaller towns, but upgraded with modern conveniences.
“I wish I had a life full of memories like you do with your mom. I don’t though. I don’t even remember my dad. The only way I know what he looks like is through pictures that my aunt and uncle kept. And even those are yellowing from age.
“When I was two, he just didn’t come home one day. It wasn’t until later, maybe when I was ten or so that my mom told me he had died from cancer. I was just too little to remember the agony he was in, or how sick he was. We lived with my aunt and uncle and my dad was going to take over the ranch when Uncle Bobby died, but once he passed we moved to New York and my mom started over. Even changed her name to something that she deemed more acceptable.”
I move some branches with my shoe and gather my thoughts. “Everything that I am today is not who I was supposed to be. My daddy wanted a Southern Belle and so did my mother for a while. I don’t know what changed with her or why Rivers Crossing wasn’t enough.”
“You know the way you just said ‘daddy’, it’s the first time I heard a hint of a southern drawl from you. You’re very good at hiding it.”
I chuckle and groan. “It’s not by choice, believe me. I was as twangy as the girls you see on television, but my mother – who used to be ‘Momma’ – wouldn’t hear of it. She put me in speech classes to remove any signs of Texas. She thought people would look down on us if I didn’t pronounce my g’s.”
“Do you miss Texas?”
What a loaded question that one is. I think about whom I miss, not necessarily the town or the state. If I could put Tyler, Aunt Sue, Uncle Bobby and even Jeremiah in another location, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Thing is, they’d hate New York. Except for maybe Jeremiah. The girls there would flock to him because of his charisma and good looks. He’d just have to bat his eyes, and they’d come running.
“I miss my family, but I’m not a country girl. The idea of waking up before the sun is out doesn’t appeal to me. But the bonfires at night and the stargazing are things I’d never pass up.”
“Do you have a lot of friends there?”
I shake my head. I’m sure I would’ve but I wasn’t there long enough to get to know any of my former classmates. “No, just a few,” I say without using Tyler or Jeremiah’s names. The less he knows the better. It’s not like I’ll ever see him again after he’s gone.
“No boyfriend waiting at home for you?”
“I don’t have a home,” I tell him. “My mother doesn’t want me in New York and she doesn’t want me in Rivers Crossing, either. I’m here because she doesn’t have to worry about me.”
“Let me hear you say something with your accent.”
I look at him strangely and wonder if he’s mocking me. It’s not like people from Michigan don’t carry a different dialect. Each region does.
Sighing, I try to think of
the most ridiculous thing I can. “I’m fixin’ to get all gussied up for the hoedown at the honkytonk.” I turn away with embarrassment and cover my face.
“I happen to think Southern girls are cute,” he says as he turns me around and pulls my hands away. I wish he hadn’t because I know what’s coming next. His lips brush against mine while his warm hand caresses my cheek. He doesn’t rush nor does he care about the people walking by. His lips are soft, inviting and everything a first kiss shared between two people should be, except this isn’t what I want. Any type of first kiss should be met with lightning and fire. When he pulls away, he’s smiling.
“We shouldn’t do this,” I say, watching his face fall.
“Tell me why not.”
“Because I’m only seventeen.” The words are out of my mouth before I can sugarcoat them. I could’ve said it differently, but the verbal vomit has its own ideas. Zach looks away briefly before getting up and heading to the trail. I let him go. He needs to digest what I just told him. From his stories about his life I can easily put him at least at twenty-eight, if not older. A man like him will want nothing to do with a girl like me.
Tyler