I have a feeling Nate is planning on asking Cara to marry him, which means he’ll be moving to the East Coast once his enlistment is done. He’s leaving the Navy too. Nate tells me things, we gossip like high school girls, but it’s mostly for advice. We’re still best friends, and Evan knows that will never change.
My SEALs, my warriors, have chosen home as their battlefield.
“I’m going to miss my parents, though.”
“They won’t be far behind us,” he says, as he kisses my shoulder. “We can stay until your mom retires, if you want.”
“No, I want to be settled before EJ starts school. We’ll fly down. Besides, it’ll be awhile. She’s not ready to quit, not now.”
Evan and I sit in a peaceful calm, watching the sunset over the ocean. I am going to miss this, but I think getting far away from Coronado is for the best. I want to put all the bad memories behind us and start over back where Evan and I began.
I shift in his arms, dropping the folded piece of paper I’ve been holding.
“What’s that?” he asks, picking it up from the sand before I can. I place my hand over his and shake my head. “What’s wrong?”
“I was going to bury it out here tonight.” I adjust so my legs are wrapped around him, so I can look him in the eyes and tell him how I feel. “Before you left for basic, you wrote me a goodbye letter and gave it to Nate. After you came home, he found it and gave it to me. I never read it. I didn’t want to because the words wouldn’t have any meaning since you were home.”
Evan holds the folded square between his fingertips as if he’s trying to read the words. Part of me is curious to know what he wrote. Did he tell me to move on? Avenge his death? Did he promise to come home and never leave me?
“Do you want to read it?” he asks.
“No, I don’t. I have you so that letter is meaningless and you’re never leaving me, so I don’t need it anymore.”
Evan slants his head and kisses me softly as if he’s trying to memorize my lips. When he pulls away, he rests his forehead against mine. “I have an idea,” he says as he uses his strength to pull us up. He carries me to the fire he started earlier and once we get there, he taps my bottom and I unlock my legs so I can get down.
“The night I wrote this letter you tried to break-up with me, that’s about all I remember. I’m tempted to read it, but that would be morbid and probably bad luck and with us driving to Washington tomorrow, we don’t need anything bad happening. So I’m proposing that we burn this so we never have to see it again.”
My heart skips when he says propose. I thought for sure he would’ve asked me to marry him again by now, but he hasn’t. He could consider us already engaged and might be waiting for me to throw a date out there. I’m too much of a chicken shit to bring it up because it’s possible he’s suffering from PTSD and getting married is the last thing on his mind.
I cup my hand over his and smile. “Let’s burn it,” I say as we toss it into the flame. The paper is old and takes no time to ignite and turn to ash. I like knowing that I’ll never know the words that he wrote and I love that he’ll never have to say them again.
“Hey,” Evan says as I stretch in the passenger seat. I smile and look out the window. We’ve driven through most of the major cities and almost out of California. As soon as we were off our block I closed my eyes. I couldn’t say goodbye to the home we shared, the place where we blossomed as a couple. Even with all the bad, Coronado kept us together.
“I’m sorry, I just couldn’t watch as we left. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“It’s okay, babe, but would you mind driving for a while?” he says as a yawn takes over. I nod and he signals, taking the next exit.
Evan pulls over at a convenience store which is perfect because I’m hungry and need to use the restroom. I rush in, praying for no line and am ridiculously pleased when there isn’t one. It’s the small things in life when you’re traveling that mean the most.
When I come out, Evan has his arms full of snacks; candy, chips, cookies and nachos. “I thought you were tired?” I ask as I steal one of his cheese covered nachos.
“I am, but I’m also hungry and you have to be starving.”
“Ah you love me,” I say, reaching up for a kiss.
“I do,” he says with a smoldering look that promises to deliver later. I wink at him as I walk away, heading for the coffee counter. I’m not sure where we are, but the coffee will help keep me alert if he’s sleeping.
After everything is paid for and the car is full of gas, we’re back on the road. Evan is talking about anything and everything he can think of, mostly about EJ starting school soon and our new house that we’ve only seen through pictures. When we decided to move, it was a mutual decision and one we didn’t think twice about. As much as I love the warm weather of San Diego, it’s hard to accept all of the pity from everyone again.
With everything that has happened, the publicity became too much. We couldn’t leave our house without someone taking our picture or sticking a microphone in our faces. The media disgusts me really. They were nowhere to be found when Evan and the guys came home, but once Lawson and Ingram were arrested, we were primetime news. After a few interviews, I had enough. We needed this attention when four SEALs returned from the dead, not after the perpetrators were arrested.
It doesn’t take long for Evan to fall asleep, leaving me with my thoughts. They’re scattered all over the place ranging from: Should I find a job? Is Evan’s business plan going to work? Does EJ miss us and is he taking care of Deefur? Is EJ driving them crazy, yet? Does Evan want another child, or maybe two? Before Evan was taken away from me he planned to knock me up every chance he could so he could make his own football team, but with the age gap we’d have with EJ, that’s not possible. Not that I’d let him anyway, but another child would be nice.
I know that Evan wants to help Tucker McCoy as well as my mom’s contact at NCIS. I know that Evan helping means he might have to leave, but I keep telling myself that it’s not a deployment and Evan has free will. He no longer belongs to the military, but to himself. Helping McCoy is the right thing to do especially since Evan has found his happiness. Now it’s McCoy’s turn.
The city skyline gives way to vast open land and I try to read each passing billboard to pass my time, but one catches my attention. I look for the exit and take it immediately. There are signs guiding me to our destination. One that Evan will be pleased with, I’m sure.
The dirt lot gives way to bright lights and lots of laughter. I pay the parking attendant and follow the guy with the red flashing light to where I need to park. As soon as I shut off the car it dawns on me that it’s dusk and this is perfect.