“But nothing was okay. Cara was gone. She left me because I re-enlisted. She didn’t want to lose me the same way Ryley lost you, so walking away was easier for her. I asked Ryley what to do and she didn’t know. Her heart never healed after losing you. We were two lost people trying to raise a little boy who saw his little daycare friends call the other men in their lives ‘Dad’. He just followed them.
“Ryley and I haven’t been together that long. I’m assuming she told you that, but if she hasn’t, you can hear it from me. It was years, Evan, before she’d look at me, let alone another man. There would be days that she wouldn’t move from the couch, usually around your birthday, anniversary or the date you died. Songs would bring her to her knees or EJ would do something that reminded her of you and she’d be right back in a funk.
“I’m not her magic cure, I didn’t make missing you any easier. I’m just the guy who knew how she felt and was willing to love her regardless of her loving another man. I know I’ll never be number one in her heart and that’s something I knew when things started changing for us. But seeing her smile, hearing her laughter after a corny joke, or watching her eyes light up when she had good news was worth every bit of herself that she shared with me.”
Birds chirp around us, keeping the awkward silence at bay. Evan sighs heavily next to me as we stand over his grave. The flowers that I brought when I returned have wilted and are falling over. His American flag is off center, likely from the landscapers. I want to fix it, but at the same time I don’t know if the man buried in the coffin is worthy of a flag. I don’t even know if there’s a body in there.
“Are you going to let her go?” It’s not the question I thought he’d ask, and frankly I don’t have an answer for him. I sigh and keep my gaze on the ground.
“I still hate you,” he says after a moment, “but I understand. Thank you for telling me.”
I nod due to the lack of words I have to say right now.
“Is that why you brought me here?”
“No, I’ve needed to say that to you for a while, but we’re never alone and the last time we were was after you tried to kill me in a bar fight.” I laugh, but the situation we’re in isn’t funny. “I brought you here because if we’re being followed or trailed, they’re not going to look for you here. The last place, at least in my opinion that a man wants to go hang out at is his grave. Cara and Carole are on their way here.”
“Tell me about Cara?” he asks as a slight smile forms on my face. Just like Ryley is Evan’s favorite subject, at one point Cara was mine. Some habits, like smiling when I hear her name, are hard to break.
I shake my head. “You died and everything changed. Being a SEAL’s wife didn?
??t appeal to her anymore so she left and I let her go. I didn’t ask her to stay because the rejection, I think, would’ve been worse and I didn’t want to hold her back either.”
“The letters that I received, they never talked about Cara. I was so happy to hear from Ryley that I didn’t think about what Cara was doing or what you were doing. Hell, I didn’t even know that Carter and Lois had a kid until the other day. I wrote you, though. And O’Keefe assured me that you knew what was going on... that you were keeping Ryley safe.”
Looking at Evan as he stares at his grave makes me wish he had those letters. “He lied. I know you don’t want to believe me, but I’m telling you the truth. If I knew what was going on, I would’ve done something. Carole would’ve done something. After you died, she looked into everything, trying to figure out why you guys were over there and found nothing.” I shift my stance, kicking some grass as I do. “Do you remember any of those letters?”
He looks up and shakes his head. “I wish. I memorized the important things like EJ’s birthday. Sometimes the letters were short, others were long. They were all typed. Then there would be months when we wouldn’t get anything and now that I think about, we’d ask about getting the hell out of there and suddenly a box would come. We’d get pictures, letters, sometimes clothes and our favorite foods all days later after asking. It was like whoever was behind this had a team with them. I don’t know.”
The crunching of gravel sounds around us, causing us both to look. Cara and Carole get out of their shared car and make their way over to us. Carole stands next to Evan, while Cara takes my side and even though it’s been years since she and I have been together, the urge to grab her hand is there. I’m thankful I’ve left my hands in my pockets or I’d have some explaining to do.
“Why are we here?”
“Thought we’d dig up my body,” Evan says as he laughs, earning a slap from Carole and an eye roll from Cara. “Sorry, I found this under some towels in the bathroom at River’s house. As I was holding it a text message came in. I haven’t looked at the messages on there because honestly it’s been some time since I’ve touched a cell phone and I didn’t want to risk erasing something.” He holds the Blackberry in the palm of his hand and the indicator light blinks rapidly.
“There are more messages or alerts,” Cara says as I look at her questioningly. “What? Mine blinks like that.” She says, shrugging.
We stand around Evan and his outstretched hand as if he’s holding a timer to a bomb. I don’t know if we’re waiting for it to go off again or what, but none of us are moving.
“Evan,” Carole says his name so calmly, I feel like she’s about to deliver bad news. “Have you prepared yourself for the possibility that we could look at that and find out that River is involved?”
He shakes his head, clasping his fingers over the phone. “I don’t think he’s involved.”
“Why?” I ask.
“If he were, he wouldn’t let me stay at his house.”
“Good point,” I say, looking at everyone. “I figured this is the safest place right now. I want answers. I want to know who did this to us.” When I say “us”, my eyes find Cara’s. Last night I thought about how things would’ve been different. In all likelihood she and I would be married by now and living in Virginia. But someone decided to screw with my family and now they must pay.
“We could put a tap on the phone and put it back,” Cara offers.
Evan shakes his head. “I want to know now.”
It’s been days since Carole took the cell phone from us. We were tempted to read it all right there, but she wanted everything from it, including emails and internet searches. Carole has a friend in NCIS who is helping her, someone she trusts. The hard part was letting go of what we considered a huge piece of evidence and probably the key to discovering who is behind all of this.
I reported for work, keeping up the guise that everything is fine. A few team members had a lot of questions, but others just sat there, likely contemplating how something so fucked up happened to someone they know. Believe me, I’ve been asking myself the same question over and over again.
Evan didn’t return to River’s and I told him that he could stay with Ryley and EJ, and I’ll stay at Carter’s. It’s not ideal, but my brother doesn’t have any place to live so it is what it is… for right now. Evan also hasn’t informed River, McCoy or Rask about the phone. He’s not sure who he can trust right now and feels that keeping a low profile is better. The one thing he has done in the past few days is finally got his own cell phone.