now you don’t know who he is –”
“Wait, I’ve heard that name… Rick, he said it. The guy is from Florida or something like that. Rick says he was here about a month before we left and he hadn’t seen him again until a few weeks ago. What does he have to do with this?”
“Ingram is Lawson’s father and while it may just be coincidence, I don’t like it. Things aren’t adding up – and why would the Commander be here?” Carole asks, as she stands and starts to pace.
“Nothing has been adding up since we deployed,” McCoy states, earning an ominous look from Carole. River has even stated that our orders seemed a bit out of place, but we didn’t question them.
I think it’s time we start.
THERE HASN’T BEEN A time in the past six years that I haven’t jumped when Ryley has called, until today. As much as I want to sit down and talk with Evan, spending the afternoon with him is not high on my list right now, especially with his team members and Jensen and Carole around. Jensen has never been shy about his feelings toward me. Evan was, and probably still is, the son he’s always wanted. At best, he tolerates me because he has to. But now that Evan is back, I can’t imagine Jensen wants to pay attention to me at all. If that’s not going to be awkward, I don’t know what is.
I walk to the back gate instead of through the house. I don’t know why, but with Evan here, it feels like I shouldn’t. After giving Ryley the letter that Evan wrote, I’ve been second-guessing my spot in Ryley’s life. Maybe it was my subconscious that forgot about the letter. It had been so long since he gave it to me that I just didn’t remember it until yesterday. I knew that as soon as I handed it to her, I’d be sealing my own fate. He was madly in love with her at eighteen. I can only imagine what that letter says.
Steeling myself for what’s surely going to be a rocky afternoon, I open the gate and walk into the backyard. Deefur is the first one to greet me. At least he’s happy to see me. One can always count on man’s best friend. Ryley walks over to me and I pause. I can be like Evan and take her here, piss on her leg and show him that she’s mine or I can treat her like I’ve always treated her - with respect.
The respect always wins out where I’m concerned and I kiss her lightly on the cheek. “These are for you,” I tell her, showing her the flowers I’m holding. Her hand caresses mine as she grabs a hold of the packaged stems. Her eyes never leave mine as she inhales the flowers’ fragrant scent.
“They’re beautiful.”
“Not nearly as beautiful as you,” I say and this time I ignore the people in the backyard and pull her into a kiss. When she pulls away there’s a smile where my lips just were.
“I’m going to go put these in water.” She’s gone before I can respond and even though her family and mine are mingling in the backyard, I feel utterly alone. Jensen and Evan are deep in conversation, and it makes me wonder whether my showmanship was even witnessed. Did Evan see Ryley react to me? Did he see how good Ryley and I are together? And then there’s my sister, hanging on every word coming out of Evan’s mouth right now, laughing at anything he says. Where’s my greeting? And more importantly, where’s my son?
Climbing the steps of the deck, I step into the house. Ryley is standing at the sink with her attention focused on the backyard. I want to be in her head right now. I want to know what she’s thinking. I want to know where we stand because we’re supposed to be getting married and she’s still wearing my ring.
I place my hand on the counter and press my chest against her back. Whispering against her neck, I say, “Penny for your thoughts?”
“Is that all I’m worth to you, a penny?” she laughs softly and leans into me. “Do you remember when everything was simple?”
I sigh and sag against her. “Do you mean before I left on this last mission?”
Ryley shakes her head. “Before, like when we were teenagers and it was spring. Do you remember that day it rained –”
“We lived in Washington, Ry, it rained all the time.” She turns in my arms, her face full of excitement.
“That day we all went to the beach and it started raining. We were covered in sand and Evan was freaking out because your mom had told us ‘no sand in the car’. You started snapping us with the towel to get the sand off not realizing that the wet towel, mixed with cold air and sand, was leaving welts on everyone.”
“My dad was pissed when he got calls from all the other parents.”
“I want to go back to those days where everything was simple.”
“We can’t,” I say as I pull her into a hug. “There’s so much I’d love to change, but we can’t.” When she pulls away there are tears in her eyes.
“Let’s change the one thing we have control over. You know I love you and want us to be a family. We talked about getting married and I know you asked for space, but you’re still wearing my ring. Call me stupid, but that gives me a ton of hope.”
Ryley shakes her head as her tears fall. “I can’t, Nate. Not yet.”
“I know,” I say as I cup her cheek. “It was stupid of me to ask, but I had to because I made a promise to you that I’d take care of you and I’d never lie to you.” Taking a deep breath, I ready myself for what I’m about to say. “I’ve received my orders, and I’m set to leave at the end of next week. I can’t leave knowing things are up in the air with us.”
Ryley looks down at her hand before her tear-stained eyes meet mine. “You can’t leave. You have to tell them no, or tell them that your brother is home and it’s just not possible. Evan left and didn’t come back... you can’t leave me. Not now.”
I pull her back into my arms to curb the panic attack. I should’ve known this would be the result. It was never going to be easy telling her that I was leaving, but it’s not like I can keep it a secret.
“Nate, promise me that you won’t leave.”
“Ry –”
“No, promise me,” she demands, pulling away from me. “Evan just got back. You both need to repair your relationship and call me crazy and paranoid, but if you leave, what guarantees do I have that you’ll come back?”