“What did you tell these guys?” I whisper to her as she sits down. She shrugs and starts unpacking her lunch. I poke her in the side, but all she does is smile.
I’m included in conversations like we’ve always been friends. I don’t think I’ve ever listened to what these guys talk about. The guys invite me to a party this weekend and Dylan tells them that we’ll be there. I’m not so sure how I feel about that. I don’t know what the shift is. I haven’t changed. But maybe I should enjoy it and think about staying in school for the rest of the year.
I walk into my mom’s office. Her eyes light up as she rushes around her desk to give me a hug. Her arms wrap tightly around my neck and she holds me, much like she did when I was a baby.
“I’m so happy to see you. I miss you.” She steps back, leaving her hands on my shoulders and looks at me. I know she sees my new clothes and if she’s upset, she doesn’t show it. She looks behind her, probably checking to see if her boss is coming before le
ading me over to her desk. I know her boss is strict, but I have a feeling this is the only place I can see her without seeing my dad.
“I miss you, too. Is everything okay at home?”
“Things are fine, Ryan. You don’t need to worry about me.”
“But I do.”
She rests her hand on my cheek and smiles. “You’re such a good boy, you didn’t deserve what happened.” I have no reply for her because I don’t think anyone deserves to have that happen. It’s one thing to lose your girlfriend; it’s entirely another to have your dad turn violent on you.
“I’m scared for you,” I say. Her lips tighten into a faint smile.
“Listen to me. I can take care of myself. You don’t have to worry about your dad. The Rosses, they have my permission to let you stay at their house. You’ll be eighteen soon and can do anything you want.”
“What about you?”
She shakes her head. “He doesn’t touch me, I can promise you that.”
“If he does, will you leave?”
“Yes, Mr. Ross and I discussed that this week. You’re very lucky to have them. They love you, but not as much as me. I’m so sorry, Ryan. I should’ve been a better mother.”
I’m not sure if I should believe her or not, but I do. I tried to be mad at her for the way she acted, but Mrs. Ross explained how when someone emotionally abuses you they take away all your self-esteem and that it took a lot for my mom to call Dylan that day.
Her eyes glisten and I smile at her, hoping to keep her tears at bay. This is the most talkative I’ve ever seen my mom and I like it.
“I’ll come by next week,” I say as I stand and give her a kiss. “I love you, Mom.”
“Love you, too.”
I wave as I walk out the door and head for home. Home… such a strange word for me now. When I pass the newsstand, the familiar blond hair mocks me. I know I shouldn’t stop, but I have no control over my feet. She’s there on the cover with him. The headline blurs. All I see is her on her tiptoes, kissing him.
CHAPTER 34
Hadley
Standing off to the side of the stage, I watch as Cole interacts with his fans. The female contingent is in full force for this show and he loves every moment. For the most part the tour is going really well. Each show is sold out and we've added more dates. I think Ian was shocked when I didn’t refuse the additions. Truth is, I love being on tour. Being on stage gives me such exhilaration. I need it to feel satisfied. It keeps my mind off things.
I didn’t want to come back here, to Jackson, but Ian insisted. I balked at doing this show, begging Ian to cancel, but when the show sold out within minutes, Ian wouldn’t budge. Alex is supposed to be here already and I’m starting to get nervous. Her plane landed over two hours ago and it doesn’t take that long to get from the airport to the venue. I didn’t have to ask her, she just knew I’d need her, especially since the day is tomorrow. I’ve tried not to think about how things ended with Ryan. In fact, I try not to think about him period. Out of sight, out of mind, right? It’s easier this way, better really.
Ian surprises me when he drapes his arm across my shoulder. He’s been happier, too, since the tour started and I’m sure it’s because my issue no longer exists. I also think he’s over the moon about the display Cole and I have been putting on. Well, more of a display for me, not so much for Cole. Late night conversations with Cole lead me to believe he wants more. I wish I could say that I’m immune to Cole, but the truth is, I’m not. I never have been and it’s always been a fight. But I’m not in love with him. Not the way he wants me to be. I care for him and he’ll always be a part of my life, but that’s all I can be for him.
Ian whistles – you know, that annoying loud thing people can do when they put their fingers in their mouth – right in my ear. I elbow him and he just smiles. This is the nice side of Ian. I know he wishes he could be like this more, but I stress him out. I cause him more work because of my inability to think straight. I made a vow when the tour started that I’d work hard and be America’s sweetheart.
I’ve been waiting for that reporter to renege on his deal with Ian. Each day I scour the Internet looking for anything related to my time in Brookfield, even though I don’t want to remember the result.
“You ready?”
I nod. I’m always ready when I’m about to perform. Cole and I recorded some duets when we were dating, but never released them until now. That was part of the agreement. I would sing with Cole and Ian would make sure we had everything we needed on this tour. One thing I asked for was no Anal Anna and Ian agreed. It just means he lost interest and I’m okay with that.
The fans chant my name. I close my eyes and savor the sweet sound of their voices. It’s moments like this where I can forget everything. Word spread fast that Cole and I are performing together, giving me this surreal feeling. It’s not that I don’t like performing with Cole; it’s just that the song means something different now. The fans though, they think we're together and believe we’re singing to each other. Ian pushes me lightly, getting me moving. He’s had to do this a few times. When I open my eyes, Cole is beckoning me out on stage with a wicked smile on his face. The crowd erupts. I look and see both of us on the jumbo screen. He looks like he’s in love and for a brief second I wish I could return the sentiment.