“No, sweetie, it’s just us.” His eyes are kind when he looks at me. He stands, opening his arms. I can’t move fast enough. I collapse into his arms as he holds me tight in his embrace. I don’t care how bad I’ve screwed up; a girl always needs her daddy and I’m so thankful for mine.
He rubs my back, shushing my sobs. “It’s going to be okay.”
I shake my head. “No, it’s not. I messed up so bad, Daddy.”
“Everything will be fine. Come on. I’ll make you some lunch and we’ll talk.” He wraps his arm around my shoulder, guiding us into the kitchen. He pulls out the stool for me, just like he does for my mom, and waits until I’m seated before walking around to the other side. I watch as he looks through the cupboards and refrigerator searching for something to make. I can’t help but smile when he pulls out the makings for tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches.
I like watching my dad cook. While I was growing up, he would cook once a week. Mom and I would get pampered and served dinner. He’d set the table with candles and flowers and it didn’t matter what he served, Mom always said it was the best meal she’d ever had. That’s what I see when I look at Ryan – a lifetime of memories waiting to be discovered.
When I close my eyes and think about him, I see him walking around our kitchen, the morning sun shining through the window. He’s in boxers and a white undershirt standing at the stove, cooking. If I let my imagination wander, I see a little girl running and attaching herself to his leg. I stand off to the side and watch. That vision will never happen, especially after what I’ve just done. He’ll never forgive me. I won’t ever forgive myself.
Dad sets a bowl of soup in front of me and a plate of quarter-cut sandwiches in between us. He hasn’t cut my sandwiches since I was ten years old, a time when everything in life was so simple and my one dream was to become a singer. Now my dreams are a pile of nothing because the one person I thought I could share them with, isn’t here and it’s my fault. Even if I apologized I don’t expect him to forgive me. I did the one thing I asked him not to do: I broke his heart. I could see it on his face when he called out my name. It pained me to not smile at him, to hold back from running into his arms.
“Ian called,” he says this in a tone that would suggest Ian calling is an everyday occurrence and it may have been at one time, back when he was trying to sell my brand, but I can’t imagine he keeps my parents up to date on me. That’s my job and recently I’ve been failing.
“I figured.” I take a deep sigh, turn and look at my dad. “I fell in love and made some terribly wrong decisions.”
“You’ve been in love before.”
I shake my head. “Not like this. With Cole, I think I loved him because he was there and we had spent so much time together. Our love grew that way, but with Ryan…” I pause and smile at that sound of his name coming off my lips. “With Ryan, it was instant, like a bolt of lightning passed from him to me.”
“So what’s the problem?”
I look at my dad in questioningly, furrowing my brow. “Ian didn’t tell you?”
Dad sets his spoon down, picking up his napkin and wiping his mouth. “He said that you’ve gotten yourself into a bit of trouble with a guy and that you were coming home and that he’d be here tomorrow. Being in love isn’t trouble if you ask me.”
“I am in love, but it’s wrong.”
“Love is never wrong, Hadley.” He says this with such confidence I almost believe him.
He picks up his spoon just as I blurt out: “It is when he’s only seventeen.”
He looks at me and tomato soup drips down his chin
. I grab my napkin and wipe it away. He sets his spoon down again and turns. “Seventeen?”
I nod.
“Why?”
Shrugging like a child would be the easiest answer to give, but I’m not going to discount what I feel for Ryan. That wouldn’t be fair to him. “I know it deep in my heart that he’s the one for me, regardless of his age. When I first saw him, Dad, I knew. It was later that night that I found out his age and by then I was so lost in him that I couldn’t see straight.”
“Hadley –”
“No, let me finish. I want to get this all out there so you know why I’m here and why Ian is coming. We met at a show. His friend won a contest and she brought him. I had Alex talk to him and then I had an after-party so I could spend time with him. We spent all night talking and I fell asleep in his arms. When the sun woke us up, he kissed me. It was his first kiss and for me, it felt like I had never been kissed before. I asked him to the charity ball and he came. I went to church with him, I met his mom and everything felt so good.”
“I hate asking this because I know you’re an adult, but did you have sex with him?”
“No, I wouldn’t, but when Ian invited Cole on this tour, things changed for us. Ryan became jealous, not that I could blame him, and we were fighting, so I went to see him, to tell him how I feel. I wanted to be with him so bad. We were in my rental and I was pushing for it, but he stopped me. We were about to go to his house when the cops showed up.
“His dad had reported him as a runaway and I was arrested for harboring him. We weren’t running anywhere, but the officer didn’t believe us and now… I did the worst thing I could’ve ever done to protect him from my crazy world.”
“What’s that?”
“I made him sign a no-contact order until he turns eighteen, which is just a few weeks away, but the worst part is I shut off his phone. I was paying for his cell phone because his parents won’t allow him to have one and I needed to talk to him.” I cover my face and break down. When I say it out loud it makes me realize I chased this boy. I gave him no option but to fall for me. “I’m so stupid.”
Dad wraps his arms around me. “Come sit down, let’s talk.” I follow him back to the living room and sit next to him on the couch. I pull my leg underneath me and he mimics my position. It’s funny, my dad with his salt and pepper hair sitting just like me. “Sounds like love got the best of you and that’s okay. Sometimes you feel so much that common sense goes out the window. The important thing moving forward is that you’re making the best decisions. Everyone has an error in judgment every now and again. You just happen to live in the limelight so when you, or someone like you, does it, the consequences are greater.”