Hadley pulls back. She reaches up and moves my hair out of my face. “I don’t like him, not even in the slightest and I would never do anything to disrespect you.”
“But you loved him at one time.”
“I did, but he broke my heart in the worst way and I would never do that to someone I love.”
I lean down and kiss her softly, which is too much for me to handle. I want so much from her, but not sure how to make that happen. I hate that I’m inexperienced and that everything I’m feeling is so foreign to me. I don’t know if what I’m doing is right. It’s times like this where I need my dad to be somewhat approachable. I know discussing girls with him is off-limits and he’d ban Dylan from coming over. I need someone to talk to, though. Maybe Dylan, she knows
how I feel about Hadley and I know she’s done things with guys before.
I kiss her again before pulling away. She looks like a beautiful drowned rat. Her hair is plastered to her face and her nose is red. I want to wrap her up in my blankets and keep her warm, but that’s not an option. I pull her hand into mine and walk us to her car. I reach for the driver-side door, but she side steps and opens the back door and crawls in. I don’t hesitate and follow her, shutting the door behind me.
She climbs forward and turns on the car, blasting the heat. I can’t believe she left her keys in the ignition.
“That’s not safe, you know.”
“I wasn’t thinking,” she replies as she sits back. She’s pulled her bag from the front seat and unzips it, pulling out some dry clothes. “Can you turn around?”
“No,” I say. I adjust so I can watch her. She looks at me through squinted eyes. I should feel like a shit for denying her, but I want to see her. I can’t help it. She looks down at the shirt in her hand and back at me.
“You should take off your sweatshirt before you catch a cold.”
I nod and pull my wet sweatshirt over my head. I push my hair out of my face and stare at her. Her mouth drops open. I chuckle. She probably didn’t think I’d be shirtless, but she texted me when I was in bed and I came right here to see her.
Hadley clears her throat and looks at her shirt before setting it down and peeling off her sweatshirt. The t-shirt she’s wearing underneath is white and very see-through at the moment. She crosses her arms. Her fingers grasp the ends of her shirt and lift it up and over her head.
“Don’t,” I say as I set my hand on hers before she can put her dry shirt on. I want to see her, hold her, like this. There can’t be that many consequences. I’m almost eighteen, she can’t go to jail for something I’m asking for.
“I shouldn’t be like this.”
“No one is going to know, Hadley. It’s not like I’m going to tell anyone. I love you and you love me. How can this be wrong?”
I pull the shirt gently from her hands and set it on the console. My arm reaches around her waist and I pull her toward me, her back resting against my chest. I’ve been waiting to have this feeling, being skin to skin with her. I let my fingers glide along her arms, feeling as her skin pebbles. She links her hands over the top of mine and brings them over her, showing me where touch her. I can’t help but groan when she pushes down on me. Wearing sweatpants was the best decision I could’ve made.
I bite down lightly on her neck as she moves against me. My eyes close as she moves my hands to her breast. She holds us there, adding pressure to my hands. I inch my hand into her bra and feel her for the first time. I can’t… I don’t… the feeling is too much. The fire in my stomach, I feel like I need to let go, but not here. Not like this. I need to stop this even though I want her, even though I’ve been begging her to let us be like this.
“Hadley…” She turns, cutting me off with her mouth. The kiss is deep, urgent. I can feel her need in the way she’s moving. She maneuvers around, straddling me. Her hands move along my chest to the waistband on my sweats. This is it. She’s not going to stop and I’m powerless to stop her.
CHAPTER 28
Hadley
The feel of Ryan’s skin against mine set everything in motion. I’ve wanted him since the night of my show. It was the mere mention of him being in high school that stopped me from pursuing more from him and now here I am, in love and in desperate need to feel him against me in any way I can.
I have a burning desire when I’m in his proximity. I can’t deny my attraction. It doesn’t matter if he’s standing across the room; he spurs enough emotion in me to make me lose my mind. I can’t make proper decisions when he’s around. When he pulls me against him, when he touches me so lightly that I have to have his hands on me, I know I’m in too deep to stop.
The way his hands feel against my skin, they’re perfect. Showing him the way to touch me is one of the most intimate things I’ve ever done. I didn’t mean to push against him. The thin fabric of his sweatpants urged me. He groaned. He freaking groaned and all I can think is that we are in the backseat of my rental car. Why did I get into the backseat? I did this. I put us in this situation.
The way my name sounds as it rolls off his lips spurs me into a decision I know this is wrong. I seek out his mouth, letting him know that I’m in this. I’m not saying no this time. I turn and straddle him, he feels good and I know he wants me. I know he wants this for us. I know it shouldn’t happen, not like this. Not here and not after I flew here to see if he still wanted me.
I can’t help it. I need to touch him. I explore his chest. My lips follow the path my hands make on his skin. He pulls away from me when my hand touches his waistband. I sit back and look at him. His eyes are hooded.
He wants this and so do I.
“Let’s go to my house,” he says so quietly, it's as if he’s trying to keep his words a secret. I know it pains him to say those words. Bringing me home has never been an option and it’s something I’ve accepted. I know he’s embarrassed by his home. I get that. For him to suggest we go to his house shows me how much he loves me, how much he’s willing to put his feelings aside so that we aren’t having sex in the back of my car, in the church parking lot.
Ryan pushes my hair off my shoulder. He’s so tentative, going with what feels natural when it comes to us. “I want to have sex with you, but not here… like this. I can’t offer you much, but I can at least offer you a bed.”
“We could get caught.” I know we’ll get caught. Parents have a sixth sense when their child is having sex in the house, although it could be the squeak coming from the bedroom that is the dead giveaway.