I stop and pull back. This is exactly why we can’t work. Someone like Hadley Carter shouldn’t have to stoop to be with someone like me.
Looking into her eyes, I want to get so lost in the magic they hold. I drop my hand from her cheek, her expression changes immediately and she steps back.
“If you don’t want to be here, Ryan, then just go.”
“It’s not that. Believe me when I say that. I’m just confused.”
“About what?”
“This,” I say, motioning between us. “It doesn’t make sense.”
Hadley steps forward and picks up my hand. She places it over her heart, my fingers brush against her breast. I attempt to control my breathing in front of her. I’m having so many firsts in such a short amount of time and each one with her. She makes me feel amazing.
“Do you feel this?” she asks as she taps my hand with her fingers. She smiles when I nod. “You do this to me.”
“But –”
“No buts. Just hear me out. I heard what you said the other night and I remember. Material things don’t mean anything to me. This…” she rests her hand against my heart. “Means everything to me. It’s one thing if you don’t feel the same as me – and if you don’t, I’ll walk away, but I have a feeling that you do.”
“You could get into trouble.”
“It’s a risk I’m willing to take. We’ll be careful.”
“My parents won’t like this, they won’t approve.”
She steps closer, my hand moving with her body, cupping her neck. “They shouldn’t. I’m too old for you, but I’m willing to try and play by the rules for the next few months.” Hadley kisses me full on the lips. I wrap my other arm around her, pulling her as close as I can.
“Can I see you tomorrow?” she asks, breaking our kiss.
“I have church.”
“I like church.”
I can’t help but smile and start nodding like a love-struck teenager. Now I know why Dylan acts the way she does when she says she’s in love. I’m not sure how it’s going to work, but I don’t want to fight her. She drags me over to the love seat and we sit and talk about my town and how behind-the-times it is. When I put my arm around her, she snuggles into my side. I rest my head on top of hers and close my eyes, dreaming of what life can be like with Hadley.
CHAPTER 12
Hadley
“How do I look?” I ask Alex as I straighten out my dress. Alex French-braided my hair this morning before we made the two-hour drive to Brookfield. Ryan wasn’t lying when he said time had forgotten his town. Half of it’s modern and thriving, but the other end is full of dilapidated housing and buildings that look like they’re functioning, but barely able to stand.
“You look fine.” Alex slams the car door and meets me in the front. She’s none too thrilled to be going on four hours of sleep and about to sit through a church service. I can’t remember the last time I went to church, maybe for my cousin’s wedding. I thought Alex was going to kill me when I told her we were going. I believe her eyes turned red.
“I’m nervous,” I say as I adjust the large hat I just put on. The last thing I want is for people to recognize me.
“You should be.” She links her arm with mine. We start walking toward the church. People stop and stare as we pass by. I’m not sure what they are looking at. Maybe the fact that we're wearing sunglasses and the sun is still sleeping. Or is it simply because we don’t belong here?
“I can’t believe we are doing this,” she mutters as we step into the church. It’s small compared to the church my cousin was married in. This has about twenty pews on each side and there isn’t a balcony like the churches I’ve been to in New York. There is a choir singing. They're all wearing white robes. I didn’t even ask Ryan what denomination he is, not that it matters. I just hope we aren’t inside some voodoo sect.
After I convinced Ryan that I wanted to attend church, he finally relented. He probably thinks of me as some stalker willing to attend a service just so I can see him. I’m not, at least not yet. I think as long as I figure out a schedule that works, I’ll be okay.
What worries me is the rest of my tour. I’m not sure how I’m going to handle the next month. I’ll be on the west coast, a place that I used to love and look forward to visiting, until now. Alex asked me on the way here, “why Ryan?” And all I could say was, “why not?” I can’t describe how he makes me feel and I’m not talking about when he touches me, but when he looks at me. It’s like we were meant to know each other. Maybe not be together, but definitely be part of each other’s lives forever.
Although, not being with him isn’t an option for me, at least not right now. Last night when he was with Alex, I felt anxious and uncomfortable being in that room full of people. In a matter of twenty-four hours I’ve become dependent on someone. Someone that society says I can’t have.
I spot the back of Ryan and tug on Alex’s sleeve as I start moving toward him. This part isn’t planned. We didn’t talk about what I’d do when I got here. We walk around the back of the church, staying clear of the center aisle. My eyes are trained on Ryan as he sits forward, either mesmerized by the choir or asleep. If it were me I’d be sleeping. I walk in first, my movements catching his eye. His expression is one of shock and quickly changes into the smile I’ve grown so quickly to love.
I sit next to him and look at his parents, but keep a safe gap between us. This is as close as I can get. His mom wears her blonde hair down, the top pulled back into a barrette. Her dress is gray, solid in color and she holds a Bible in her hands. His father is in an old, brown suit jacket. The color is so faded the elbows look almost white. I look around and see others similarly dressed on this side of the church, but on the other, people are dressed in new, flashy clothes.