“I am,” she replies. “But I don’t want this night to end. I’m not sure what the morning will bring.”
I pick up her phone and look at the time. It’s about three in the morning. The sun is going to be coming up soon. I’m curious as to why Dylan never came out here to get me. Did she even know I was gone?
“I can leave you if you want to go to sleep.” I offer this solution, praying she’ll say no.
“No, but I have an idea.” If her idea is letting go of my hand, I’m not a fan. She stands quickly and walks to the back of the chaise lounge and pulls the top portion down until it’s reclined. She’s back before I can comprehend what is going on. She’s kneeling in front of me, before she sits down. She pulls her dress down as far as it will go. I wonder if she’s cold and wish I could offer her a jacket, but I just have on my dress shirt.
I watch as she lays down, her eyes on me the whole time. She’s on her side, on the edge, leaving space for me. I unbutton my shirt and pull it off, thankful that I’m wearing a t-shirt underneath. I lay it across her legs before turning on my side to lie next to her. She immediately pulls my hand into hers and sets them between us.
“The sun is almost up.”
“That means the night is almost over and I’m definitely not ready.”
“Me neither,” I say. “Can I try something?”
“Sure.”
I sit up slightly and pull her up a bit with me. I slip my arm under her head and she falls into the curve of my elbow. I lie back down and pull her closer until her head is resting on my shoulder. For the first time I’m holding a girl in my arms. Something I’ve only dreamed of.
“Is this okay?” I only ask for confirmation. She seems very comfortable with me holding her like this. I know I like it, I just hope she does too. I dread the sun coming up because that means everything ends. At least right no
w I feel like I’m someone special with her.
“This is perfect,” she says, wrapping her arm around my waist. I set my head on top of hers and hold on for this emotional ride I’m about take myself on. I already know I’m going to miss her tomorrow when I have to face reality.
I fight the urge to close my eyes, but it’s a losing battle. I want to prolong this night because I know that when the sun rises, it’s all over and tonight has been one of the best nights of my life. She’s going to go on to her superstar life and I’ll return to the dirt road and house that I share with my parents. School will start and I’ll just be another body in the cesspool of high school. Back to wearing clothes from the second-hand store and eating lunch at a table in the corner.
Hadley will return the stage and find herself a man that is capable of and deserving of being seen with her. I know I shouldn’t be thinking like this, but I can’t help it. What if… what if I was Hadley’s boyfriend? Images of us standing side by side while she gets her photos taken flood my mind. They call her name and she looks only at me while flashes of white light go off repeatedly.
Her image quickly changes to dust as realization slaps me in the face. I can never be that guy on her arm. She’d be embarrassed by me. She needs someone who can complement her in every way and that is just something I can’t do.
Tonight is a fantasy. Something everyone dreams about, but only few can enjoy. No one will ever believe me. Not that I have anyone to tell. Dylan probably knows, but she won’t say anything. Or maybe she will. For all I know she could be jealous that I’ve spent all this time outside with Hadley while she’s been stuck inside. It didn’t escape my attention that only the server came out here. No other fans or her best friend.
I rest my head upon her and breathe in her scent. I don’t know what perfume she’s wearing and I can’t describe what I smell. I’ve never been this close to a girl to learn all the things I should know about them. Seventeen years old and I’ve never been kissed. You’d think that is something a girl would say, but sadly that is my life. Having Hadley in my arms is surreal. I close my eyes and think about what it would be like to do this every night.
CHAPTER 8
Hadley
I have never felt so warm before in my life. The early summer heat is flickering down on my arms and my back. I open my eyes carefully so the sun doesn’t blind me. I’m met with a white shirt as it stares back at me. My eyes trail up, squinting as the sun becomes brighter. I slowly emerge from his cocoon. He looks peaceful and content.
I would’ve never imagined him as the man he portrayed himself to be last night, especially when he took off his shirt and used it as a blanket to keep me warm. No one has ever done something like that for me. And he did it after only knowing me for a few hours.
Looking at Ryan, I’ve come to the conclusion that I need him in my life. I definitely want to spend time with him because last night was not enough. I’m not sure how to make that happen, but I will. Ian is going to flip. The age difference alone is enough to cause issues, but I don’t care. Ian is going to have to accept that Ryan is my friend… for now.
I shift closer hoping to remember what his body feels like against mine. He sleeps so softly as if he doesn’t have a care in the world, but I know that’s not true. He has dreams, even if it’s just to move to a city, they are still dreams he should follow. My hand inches higher up his back and I wonder at what point in the past few hours did my hand move under his shirt and if he minded. I know that I don’t. Feeling his soft skin and the outline of his shoulders against my fingertips drives my thoughts to places they shouldn’t go. He whimpers softly and I remove my hand, not wanting to wake him. I’m enjoying the calmness that he’s sharing with me.
My hand doesn’t stay still for long as I find his hair. It’s a bit shaggy, the in-style right now with teens. He at least has that going for him, aside from the fact that he’s gorgeous and makes my heart flutter every other second. My fingers push through his mane, massaging his scalp. He adjusts, leaning somewhat into my hand. I feel his body relax as he tries to move closer to me. His hand grips my hip tightly. I realize that this is turning him on. I know I should stop, but I can’t. Knowing I can do this to him, for him, encourages me.
Has anyone ever done this for him? It’s a question plaguing my mind, but also one I don’t want to know the answer to. I know he said he hasn’t had a girlfriend, but what about a fling or a hook-up? I want to be the one who fulfills every fantasy that he has. Ryan buries his head into the crook of my neck, his nose skimming along until he’s rested by my ear. If I had any reservation about him, it’s gone. I thought he’d wake up and wonder where he is, but he knows. I have to fight the urge to take over, to guide him. I know nothing can happen. I have to remind myself over and over again. It has to become my mantra.
“Can I try something?” he whispers, clearly awake and aware of what I’ve been doing. I nod, unable to find my voice. I don’t know what he’s going to try, but I’m eager and afraid all at once to find out.
His lips touch just below my ear in the softest of kisses. He does it again and this time his fingers spread over my back, holding me to him. I know I should stop him. My mind is yelling for me to put on the brakes, but my heart is screaming for me to turn just slightly so that when his lips touch me again they will be pressed against mine in what’s surely going to be the most sinful kiss I’ll ever experience.
I do as my heart commands, turning slightly. When his lips touch mine, he pulls back. His eyes are questioning me. I offer only the smallest of smiles and nod, hoping he understands that he can continue. That I want – no, I need – him to continue. I won’t be able to make the first move, but I can’t resist him if he does.
Ryan’s kiss is soft and hesitant. He’s unsure of himself. As much as I want to take over, I don’t. I want to learn with him as he explores. He’s shaking, his nerves trying to get the best him. He kisses me once, twice, before pulling back. His eyes shine in the early morning sun as he stares at me. No words, but I can see the emotion written across his face. My fingers leave his hair and trail down his face, along the scruff of his cheek.