Harrison and I stare at each other. The black beanie that he always wears is mocking my imagination of what his hair looks like. I’ve only seen him without his hat through pictures, never in person. I’m the first one to look away because I can’t take the intense way he looks at me. Or maybe it’s because I can’t understand the way I look at him. Or the way I want to know more about him.
Liam kisses me on the cheek before heading upstairs. He declares it’s lunchtime before I have a chance to say anything. Jimmy and Tyler move faster than I’ve ever seen them before, leaving me with Harrison.
“Should we go into your office?”
I look up quickly, expecting him to smile or change his expression, but he doesn’t. I remind myself that this is my job and he has the answers I need to get my job done; and as much as I don’t want to sit in my office with him while he leans over me, it has to be done.
I nod and lead the way. I count the steps to my office and then to my desk; twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two. He pulls out my chair. I make the mistake of looking at him as I sit down. The slight turn of his lip tells me that he’s happy to be here. He beat me into my office and I don’t know how. Was I really walking that slowly?
He pushes in my chair slightly and leans over me. I try not to breathe in his cologne. I don’t want to know what he wears, but he smells good. I lean away, closer to my screen, and he leans in too. I wonder if he knows what he’s doing to me. Doesn’t he know I’m trying to avoid him? That we can never be anything?
Harrison tells me what site to bring up and I do. Except my fingers aren’t working and I have to type the web address repeatedly. He moves his fingers over mine. I pull them back instantly, afraid for him to touch me. My hands rest in my lap.
“Sorry, I was just trying to help.”
I nod and realize how stupid I’m being. We can be friends, right?
He brings up the website and walks me through how to order a custom charter. He says that they’ve used this company before and to call and ask for Larry; he’ll make sure we get what we need and in time. I write down what he tells me and he laughs. I turn slightly, but think twice and focus on my paper.
“I think I can take it from here.”
“Katelyn?”
The sound of his voice, the way he says my name, low and sweet with just enough mystery, makes me look up at him causing me to mentally kick myself.
“It’s lunchtime and Linda doesn’t like to leave out food for too long.”
He’s right. I slide my chair back. He moves one-step back giving me some space. I was hoping I could follow hi
m upstairs, but he doesn’t move or lead the way. He waits for me.
I feel stupid for feeling like this, but it’s too soon after Mason. In fact, nothing will ever happen with Harrison. I know how he feels, but it just can’t. Not only because I love Mason, but because he’s not my type. I would never date a man who is covered in tattoos, wears a beanie and shorts all the time. He’s the quintessential rocker and doesn’t fit my life.
I don’t care that the way he looks at me makes me feel wanted.
I don’t care that the way he looks at me makes me feel desired.
I don’t care that the way he smells makes me want to crawl into his skin until I’m enveloped in his scent.
I don’t care because he’s not Mason.
I pick up a sleeping Quinn from Liam’s guest bedroom. I left him here early this morning after we finished loading the tour bus. It didn’t make much sense to wake him just to bring him back a few hours later. He’s used to this life, the constant touring, late nights and hotel food. He’s had a nanny before, but she traveled with us. I didn’t want to be away from him for more than a day.
Katelyn offered to stay home, but Liam was adamant that she comes with us. Said she needed to learn the ropes. She balked, but when he tossed out words like family vacation and Disney World, she agreed. Now I can’t get the vision of Katelyn in a bikini out of my mind.
I have a hard enough time, literally, when she’s dressed in her work clothes. Always a skirt, the length changes, but one only notices that if they are paying attention, and I am. All the time. My imagination is running wild and I have to fight every urge I have to reach out and touch her. To feel just the smallest amount of her skin against mine. The casual brushes of my hand against hers; or when I lean in and her hair tickles my chin. Any moment I can steal to tide me over until the next time.
The only problem is there aren’t enough moments. She avoids me whenever possible. Even when I catch her looking, she averts her eyes the moment they meet mine. Why does she do that? I get that she’s still hurting over her husband. I’m not a complete ass to think she’s over him, but I see the way she looks at me. The way she fumbles over the smallest things when I’m near her. If she doesn’t like me, I shouldn’t affect her in this way.
Quinn wakes as soon as I set him in his bunk. He smiles before rolling over. I suppose he’s too big for me to carry, but in my eyes he’s still my baby. He’s on the bottom, with Noah taking the top bunk. Noah’s excited to be going on tour, and I can’t really blame him. He spent all of last night asking Quinn questions about the different hotels, the concerts and what he does when I’m not on stage. Quinn was a sport and filled him in, even telling him which foods to avoid when on the road. I know this tour is going to be different from before. For one thing, we all have families, aside from JD and Tyler. I can see most of our free time will be spent sitting poolside while the women shop.
I step off the bus just as Katelyn pulls into the driveway. I don’t hesitate. I jog to her car just as she opens the backseat to pull out one of the twins. The only way I can tell them apart is by the way they are dressed. I go around to the other side and open the back door. Peyton is out cold in her booster seat, her football tucked underneath her arm. I’m not sure how sleeping with a football can be comfortable, but it was her dad’s so I understand.
I look over at Katelyn who stops unbuckling Elle when I reach for Peyton’s buckle. I smile at her because frankly, I don’t know what else to do when it comes to her. She doesn’t smile or show any type of recognition whatsoever. To say I’m confused is an understatement. If I was Liam, she would’ve smiled, winked and probably blew him a damn kiss as a thank you.
But not me, I get nothing but a blank stare. And that is something I want to change.
I maneuver the seatbelt around Peyton’s head and let her fall into my arms. She doesn’t wake when I pick her up and I’m careful to make sure she doesn’t drop her football. I remember what it was like when Quinn was little and he’d lose his blanket. I’ve been on the receiving end of night terrors and endless tears and Peyton doesn’t need that right now, and neither does Katelyn.