“Today, your mom and I got to see the baby. Would you like to know what we’re having?”
“A monkey?”
“Noah,” I say with a hint of displeasure in my voice. I know it’s hard to make this adjustment, but sometimes changes are good for people, for families.
“What?” he says with a hint of laughter in his tone. “A monkey would be great then we could watch it pick its own butt.”
Liam isn’t taking Noah’s bait and looks at him sternly. “It’s a boy.”
This time Noah rolls his eyes and pushes away from the table. “Great. Now you can start from the beginning and be there for everything that you missed with me. That’s why you’re doing this, right? So you can make up for what you missed? This baby isn’t even going to look like us. You’re taking some stranger’s baby and the only reason she’s giving you her kid is because you’re famous.”
I gasp and Noah looks at me. There are tears in his eyes. I shake my head, but he’s already storming out of the room. Liam goes to stand, but I stop him.
“Are we making a mistake?” I can’t believe the words that come out of mouth. My heart’s breaking in two right now, half for my son who doesn’t understand and half for the little boy who has yet to be born and is in need of parents who will care about him.
“Josie, we’re not making a mistake. He’s right though. I can’t help but feel like this is my chance to make up for what I missed. Even now, there’s so much that I don’t know about having a pregnant wife. I can’t feel your stomach or ask you how my baby is doing. I don’t even get to go to the store and buy you pickles and ice cream only for you to tell me you don’t want them anymore. I won’t be able to hold your hand while you’re in labor or be there to cut the cord.”
I stand and force my way into his lap. I hold him to me, stroking the back of his neck while I think of what needs to be said. I can’t change the past and I know he’s not asking me to. I don’t want this baby to be a substitute, but if that’s how Noah’s looking at it, maybe we haven’t considered everything.
“We want this baby, right?” he asks, pulling away slightly so he can see me. I nod and attempt to blink away my tears. “I have to find a way to help Noah understand that I’m not replacing him. The last thing I want is for him to run to Nick.”
Threading my fingers through his hair, I look deeply into his blue eyes. “He won’t run to Nick.”
“Don’t be so sure.”
I rest my forehead against his and sigh. Our lips meet briefly before I pull away and look at him. “Aubrey’s pregnant. If Noah is acting like this with us, he’ll do the same with Nick.”
“I’m going to go talk to him,” Liam says tapping my hip to get me to stand.
“No, I will. I need the chance to still be his mommy.”
There isn’t a handbook on how to handle something like this and no o
ne I can really ask. Harrison and Katelyn merged their families nicely, but there wasn’t a baby involved. Even when Eden is here, Noah doesn’t pay attention to her. I chalked it up to being a boy, but maybe it’s something different. I don’t want to think that Noah’s jealous, but maybe he is, although most of us are jealous of the attention Eden receives. She has each of the guys wrapped around her finger.
I knock once before twisting the knob and pushing his door open enough to peek in. He’s lying on his bed, tossing his football in the air. He looks so much like Liam at this age - even though he and I weren’t friends back then, I still saw him around town. Katelyn and I used to watch him and Mason play football on Saturdays, riding our bikes over to the park. Then, high school changed everything for me.
Noah doesn’t stop when I sit down on the edge of his bed so I do what any mom would do; I lie down next to him and catch the ball. I think it’s funny, but he doesn’t and lets out a huge overdramatic sigh.
“Life sucks, doesn’t it?” I hand him back his football, knowing he likes to feel the leather against his fingertips.
“No.” I pause, wondering if he’s being truthful or sarcastic. At this age, it’s hard to tell.
“Noah, I’d really like you to give me full answers. I came up here to talk to you. I know you’re going through a lot of changes and if you don’t want to talk to me, you can talk to your dad.”
“I don’t want to talk to him.”
I roll onto my side and turn his face toward me. His blue eyes glisten with tears. “Why not?” I try to keep my voice stoic because he can’t know that I’m falling apart on the inside.
“He wants to replace me.”
“Oh Noah,” I cry out with my hand covering my mouth. “That isn’t true. Your dad loves you so much. This baby isn’t going to change that.”
“Yes, it will. He’ll want to be with the baby instead of throwing the football around or coming to my games.”
I shake my head. “You’re his best friend, Noah, and a baby isn’t going to change that. It’ll be years before he can do the things that you guys do together and when the baby is ready, you’ll be off in college.”
“Why do you want a dumb baby anyway?”