He sits down next to me and rests his elbows on his legs. He turns and looks at me. I can’t maintain eye contact because I’m embarrassed about what we did, about what I did and how I left things. We hold each other’s gazes until I have to look away. I’m afraid if I stare at him too long, I’ll see something that might scare me, like the truth about our one night stand.
“I’m glad I ran into you,” he says.
“Oh yeah, why’s that?” I can’t imagine why he wants to even talk to me.
“I don’t like the way things were left the other night. That’s not who I am, and I’m pretty sure that wasn’t you either.”
I scoff. “It was me, I was there.” I play it off like our night together was no big deal. I don’t want him to see through me, to see the anguish I’m dealing with. The thought of him telling me to leave or him thanking me are other factors in me bailing as soon as he went to the bathroom.
He sits up, and shakes his head. “I’m not talking about that, I’m talking about how things were when you left.”
I turn slightly to face Xander and wish I hadn’t. Seeing him here like this and sitting next to me makes me wish the other night didn’t happen. But it did and now I have to pay the price. “Look, I’m sorry about last night. It never should’ve happened. I put you in a horrible situation, and that’s wrong. I can understand if you don’t want to be friends and avoid me like the plague until I’m gone. I promise not to make the holidays uncomfortable for you. I’ll be out of town in no time.”
Xander’s lips go into a thin line as he shakes his head. Disappointment masks his features. Who knew coming clean about being a psycho was a bad thing?
“Sometimes I think you talk too much. I don’t regret the other night. Yes, there are some things I’d like to change, but being with you, like that… I’ve never felt so out of control and completely calm in my life. You’re like this pint-sized hurricane that’s rolling through town, and I’m the weather man chasing the storm. I’m not gonna lie, last night was amazing — different, but worth it. You’re like a fantasy come true.”
Xander pauses and watches the shoppers. There’s a group of young kids, a few with their arms around each other that seem to be having a good time. They’re laughing and carrying on. One of the guys is even holding his girlfriend’s shopping bags.
“I think you and I got off on the wrong foot, and so what if we did things a little backwards? You’re here for a week or so and need to have a good time. It just so happens that I’m available if you’re interested.”
Xander juts out his arm, giving my hand a resting place if I chose to accept.
“One condition,” I say, putting the power back into my hands.
“What’s that?”
“That you don’t tell my brother, Liam or Jimmy what happened.”
Xander laughs that stupid guy laugh where he’s not sure if he’s been caught or if he’s heard something stupid. He picks up my hand and places his lips there in one of the sweetest moments of my life.
“I’d never tell your brother, or anyone else for that matter, about us. That’s between us, and only us. I know the guys gossip like women, but I’m still on the outside. And even though I have your brother’s blessing, I think I’d rather keep our escapades between us.”
“Excuse me, what?” I ask, confused as to why he was asking Harrison for his blessing. “You asked my brother?”
Xander puts his hands up. “It’s not what you’re thinking. He came to me, and said he wouldn’t have a problem if we dated.”
“Oh,” I say, immediately feeling stupid. “That’s just… I don’t have a dad, ya know? He died when I was a baby and Harrison has always been the man of the house. So, wow I guess he approves of you.” I try and force a smile, but fail miserably. Xander pulls me into his arms, and I use this to my advantage to smell his cologne. He smells like home. I know it sounds odd, but it’s the best way to describe it. I feel at ease in his arms.
“I’m sorry about your dad; Harrison never mentioned it. And for the record, I’m happy he gave me permission because I’d like to spend as much time with you as possible until you leave.”
I pull away and wipe under my eyes. I’m not crying, but my eyes are misty. “I think I’d like that too. It sucks being the fifth wheel.”
Xander laughs, and it’s the most beautiful sound I’ve heard in a long time. “You have no idea.”
Bumping into Yvie at the mall was not by mistake. Quinn is quite the little matchmaker when he wants to be. I know it’s wrong asking a child for dirt on his aunt, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I needed to see her, so I went to Harrison’s. She wasn’t there, but Quinn was all too forthcoming with the fact that she left to go shopping. Fate was on my side when I walked in and there she was, sitting in the “man” section as Liam calls it.
I stood there, watching her for a few minutes before approaching. Truth be told, I was working up the nerve to face her. What she and I did last night was every fantasy I’ve ever had, but I never thought it would play out like that. Now every time I close my eyes, I see her in the mirror begging me with her eyes. My gym will never be the same after last night. Her body is nothing like the women I see coming in and out of the gym. Her long legs and dancer body are a turn on, and I didn’t know that’s what I’d be attracted to until I saw her.
Sitting next to her, I find myself wanting to take her back to my house. Not for sex, although I wouldn’t rule that out¸ but just to be with her in private. To hold her, to be the shoulder she leans into when the movie we’re watching is too sad or she’s scared. I find myself wanting to cook her dinner and massage her feet after a long day of rehearsals. The latter is a long-term dream that I don’t foresee happening. I shouldn’t even be thinking past the end of the week. She’s not staying here.
The urge to hold her hand is strong, but I resist. I think she needs a friend, not some horny ass man trying to get in her pants. Besides, Harrison mentioned that her producer used to be her boyfriend. I don’t want to think that the other night was a rebound fuck, but the thought has been plaguing my mind.
Thing is, I can see Yvie as someone with whom to settle down. The only problem in my thought process is that she’s a big city girl who doesn’t need small town life. It has nothing to offer her and frankly, neither do I. When you’re someone like Yvie James – performing on Broadway – the last thing that looks appealing is a gym owner.
My problem is that I overthink everything. Yvie and I are both adults and capable of making our own decisions. I could go down the friends’ route and just hang out with her while she’s here, or I can break my own heart and put it all out there for her. The third option is to do both. Take whatever this connection is between us and make the best of it, and if that means we end up naked and on my weight bench with her legs straddling me, so be it. I’ll just be there when she gets on the plane and heads back to New York City.
I take her hand in mine and start walking. She has a list of presents to buy and if it means I get to spend the day with her, I’m going to brave the crowds.