“Elle, your mom and I love you more than words. We only want the best for you, and if that best isn’t college, tell us now so we can help you transition into a different field.”
“Okay.” The right answer would be for me to tell him I want to stay in school, but the truth of the matter is, I don’t know that I do. Right now, I hate it, and maybe it’s because I need a break or something, but this place fills me with so much dread, it’s like I’m on autopilot. I show up because I’m supposed to, but mentally I’m completely checked out.
“I suppose I ought to get to class.”
“That’s probably best.”
“I love you, Dad.” I hang up before he can respond. I’ve cried enough in the last half hour or so, hearing him tell me he loves me will surely rip my heart to shreds. Before I even move, I send a text to Ben, asking him if he wants to have dinner tonight. I wait for the chat bubbles to appear, but they don’t. I have a feeling this message will go unanswered like my phone calls.
12
Ben
Oddly, I feel at peace with the decision I’ve made about the internship. Happy, even. I’m looking forward to the challenges that lie ahead, but also terrified I won’t live up to the standards my professor is holding me to.
Right now, I’m trying to pass my final. I wish I could say my mind is clear and completely focused on the task at hand, but it’s not. It’s having an internal battle with my aching and likely broken heart. I want to tell Elle about the offer, but the nagging fear that she’ll negate my success plays a huge part in why I haven’t said anything. What kind of friend does that make me? A shitty one, if you ask me. For all of Elle’s faults, her qualities are double. She’s just lost right now.
Which
is why I haven’t told her. She’s dealing with enough of her stuff to have to worry about what I’m doing, and it’s not like I’m a priority for her. The text messages she’s sent me the past few days have all been complaints about her teachers, classes and her parents. Not a single one asking how I’m doing or where I’ve been. Even her phone calls are straight to the point, “Call me.”
I can’t.
Elle James is a weakness I need to overcome.
Yet, I wish she were with me right now, helping me pick out a new wardrobe. Brad used to tease me about my savings, telling me I can’t take the money with me so I might as well spend it. My rainy-day fund is coming in handy. According to the packet of papers Professor Jacobs gave me, the dress code is business professional. The bonus is, Fridays are the firm’s casual day, which means I can dress down slightly in something like a button-down or sweater vest.
I laugh aloud in the store, garnering odd looks from a few of the other patrons. I can’t help but think about Elle’s reaction to a sweater vest. One Christmas her father wore one, and I thought the world was ending. Granted, it was an ugly Christmas one, but still, Elle was beside herself, calling Harrison an old fogey. She had everyone in stitches, laughing at the way she was dissing Harrison, even Katelyn.
“May I help you?” the store clerk asks as he straightens out the vest I so haphazardly placed back on the pile.
“I need to buy some work clothes.”
“Of course, and where will you be working?”
Working. I’m going to have a job, in the real world. As that thought settles over me, I’m forced to take a deep calming breath. When did I grow up and become an adult? Wasn’t it just yesterday, when I shyly approached the twins at school? That day was life-changing. When the twins could’ve shunned the new kid, they didn’t.
“Hey, do you remember the assignment we have for Mrs. Rudolph’s class?” I ask the beautiful girl that sits in front of me in biology. I came up with this icebreaker last night while lying in bed. I figure if I can ask her about our homework, she’ll talk to me. It may be the third day of my freshman year, but I’m already smitten.
She looks at me without breaking her stride. “I don’t have a class with Mrs. Rudolph.”
“Third period. Biology.” I leave out the part where we’ll have to partner up when we study the human anatomy. She approaches her locker, which isn’t where I thought it was yesterday. Maybe she requested to have it moved? Is someone bullying her? I could step in if that’s the case. My brother Brad and I don’t stand for that type of crap. Once she pops the lock and opens the door, I see it’s completely covered in pictures of some football player. “Boyfriend?” Please say no. Please say no.
She pauses and looks at the door. “Friend,” she mumbles.
Thank you!
“So about our homework?”
She slams the door. “I think you have me confused with my sister.” She turns to walk down the hall, making me rush after her. I’m about a foot taller than her, forcing me to look down at the top of her head. Being the smooth teen I am, I step in front of her and backpedal down the hall. My ego’s hurt a bit by the annoyed look on her face.
“Can I help you with something?” she asks, stopping in the middle of the hallway.
“Hey, Peyton, do you know if your dad is touring soon?” another girl asks. The gorgeous girl in front of me rolls her eyes and mutters no. The classmate doesn’t say anything before walking away. So, her name’s Peyton. Different, but I like it.
I make the mistake of watching her classmate and almost lose Peyton slipping by me. However, I’m undeterred and quickly catch up. I follow her to the loud cafeteria because I’ve been so determined to speak with her, I haven’t stopped at my locker to dump my books and grab my lunch. It’s okay. I can eat later.
“Hey, this guy is looking for you.” Peyton steps out of the way, and that’s when my eyes land on another version of Peyton. I don’t want to say she’s prettier, but… yeah, she is, and the way she’s looking at me with her Caribbean blue eyes has my heart beating faster than it ever has and my throat feels like it’s closing. Great, I lay eyes on the woman of my dreams, and I’m going to die.