Quinn looks around, turning his head from side to side. He does this often, especially before he’s about to sing or when he wakes up. He says it’s to loosen the muscles around his throat. I think it’s a nervous tick, but who am I to argue.
“Let me get this straight.” Quinn leans forward, bowing his head so only I can hear him. “You’re planning on dropping out, days after I told you Mom and Dad aren’t happy with you, to pursue a managerial role in music with no one currently signed under your company? Do I understand you correctly?”
I nod. I smile. My heart drops when I see Quinn’s expression change from contempt to annoyance, maybe even anger.
“What?”
Quinn shakes his head and throws his hands up in the air. “What part of this makes sense to you, Elle? From day one, our parents have pushed our educations on us, making sure we had a backup plan. Pushing us to be better than them at everything we do so we’ll never have to struggle.”
“Are you serious right now? We have trust funds, Quinn.”
“And you think the money will last forever?”
“No, but—”
“There are no buts, Elle. This is real life, and right now, I think you're a coward. You messed up, and instead of fixing it you want to quit. You want to throw in the towel and have a pity party for one.”
“Two,” I counter. “Ben will back me up.”
“You don’t get it.”
“I do, Quinn. I’m supposed to be perfect like Peyton. I’m supposed to be this good little girl who never steps out of line.”
“Peyton isn’t perfect. Neither am I. No one has ever said we have to be perfect. Yes, our parents have expectations, but whose don’t? You know what, don’t answer that. I’m sure your friends’ parents don’t care what they’re children do. Ours do, and I feel like I’m beating a dead horse.”
“Well, stop.”
He nods. His lips form a fine line. I know I’ve won this battle. “You’re right, but since you’re going to be a college dropout, I’m not comfortable with you taking on the role of m
y manager, so… yeah.” My mouth opens as Quinn stands, avoiding all eye contact with me.
“You can’t be serious?”
“I am, Elle. There’s a reason you followed me here. It’s because of the education and what you’re learning. Having a network already bodes well in your favor, but being business smart makes a manager more attractive in my opinion. I want someone who is going to protect me, and right now, you’re a bit self-absorbed for my liking.”
Quinn walks away before I have a chance to form a comeback. He’s wrong on so many levels. I don’t need a college education to be a good manager. My compassion should be enough. My love for music and knowledge of the scene should be the driving force behind any musicians or bands’ desire to work with me. However, I was relying on Quinn to be my first client, to be my flagship star. Together, I expected us to move mountains.
Digging my cell phone out of my bag, I turn it on. As soon as it comes to life, messages roll in. Most of them are from my friends, or the people Quinn says are using me. One message catches my attention. It’s from Peyton, asking me what I’m doing for Ben’s birthday. Quickly, I go to my calendar because surely I haven’t forgotten my best friend’s birthday. The date, today, glares at me, mocking me for being so lost in my own world I’ve completely spaced off his most important day. I have to fix this because Ben deserves better.
I type my reply to Peyton: Super short notice. Finals have me cray. Surprise party on Friday. Can you come?
Yes. Noah says we’ll be there. We’ll stay at Mom and Dad’s though.
Thank you! Party of the century!!
Oh, Ben will love this… not!
She’s almost right. Ben will love having a birthday party, but it’ll be low key and our close friends and family. I’ll force Quinn to be there if I have to, but having Peyton and Noah come to town will make Ben’s day. It’s important to me he’s happy. I know I don’t always show him how much I care or what our friendship means, but he was my rock when Peyton had her accident. If it weren’t for Ben, I don’t know how I would’ve made it through the ordeal. There were countless nights I cried myself to sleep with his arms wrapped around me, holding me. His words were comforting, reassuring and hopeful. Ben is every bit my best friend, and I’d be lost without him.
4
Ben
It’s been my norm to stay on campus as long as possible after class. It’s easier to study here, and I have unlimited access to the library. Plus it gives me the opportunity to be a college student. Something I’ve missed since I’ve lived off campus this entire time, and while I like where I live, the complex is noisy, and there are far too many distractions, Elle being the biggest one of all. She knows I’d drop everything for her, but she’s also aware my grades are important to me. We’ve often joked about how our futures could align, with her in the music industry and me doing all her bands’ marketing.
I suppose there’s a chance those jokes or even dreams won’t come true if I don’t take the internship. I can put my dreams on hold and follow her around. It’s what I’ve been doing since we graduated college. I never wanted to come to UCLA, but it’s where she was going and the thought of not seeing her every day physically pained me. I know it’s not normal to feel this way about someone, especially when I’ve been so clearly friend zoned, but I do. If asked, I’d move heaven and earth for her. I wish I could say she’d never ask, but the thing is, she would and likely will someday and with my current mindset, I’d do whatever I could to please her.
The letter Professor Jacobs handed me the other day sits on the table, most of it underneath my textbook. I can see the address of the firm, peeking out. It’s one I memorized the day I figured out I wanted to work in advertising. To have the ability to create and engage an active audience through visual technique and words is fascinating. To learn from the best would be career defining. It’s my dream, and yet I haven’t told anyone about it. I wish I knew why.