It didn’t take a genius to do the math. He left work early to do this for us, unless, of course, he had someone go pick it up for him. Either way, it was the thought that counted, and Ruby was happy to spend a little bit of the afternoon with her father.
You can’t pretend happiness. I was delighted he was there. The coy touches he used in church graduated to not so subtle when he pulled me into his arms and kissed my neck. His soft, gentle lips pressed against my skin reminded me of when we were younger and life was simpler. After he left, I cried for an hour, unsure of what I should do. The logical answer is to give him another chance, but there’s something inside of me that fears he’ll revert to his old self, and that’s not something I can handle.
I stare at myself in my bedroom mirror. My hair is in a French twist, and a red pendant my grandmother gave me years ago accents my black dress. Tonight is the Christmas party for Rory’s company. I hadn’t planned to go, but I don’t have a valid excuse why I shouldn’t. He’s trying to be a better husband and father, and if I hold him back, I have no one to blame but myself. Still, I’m nervous. I don’t know what to say when people ask if we’re back together. Mostly because I’m not sure. Yes, I love him and want to be his wife, but he’s only reformed his workaholic tendencies a week ago. Does that make him a changed man?
“Mommy, you look beautiful.” Ruby’s voice startles me. I jump, and my hand swats my perfume bottle. Luckily, I’m able to catch it before it crashes to the ground. After setting it back on my dresser, I hold it tightly while taking a deep breath to calm down. I don’t know why I’m so nervous. It’s not like Rory and I haven’t been on a date before.
“Because this one is different,” I mutter to myself. Tonight is a turning point for us.
“Mommy, are you are okay?”
I nod and finally look at my little girl, who’s dressed in elf pajamas, complete with a hat. She makes me laugh on a daily basis, even when she’s frustrated with the situation Rory and I have put her in. I don’t pretend to understand what she’s going through, because my parents and grandparents are still married. “I’m fine, sweetie. You just caught me by surprise.”
“You look pretty.”
“Thank you. Are you ready for your fun night with your cousins?”
“Yes, but are you coming home?”
I go to her and crouch down, which isn’t easy in a dress. “Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I come home?”
She shrugs. “Because when Daddy tucks me in at night, he’s not here for breakfast.” Her voice cracks at the end. I hadn’t thought about how she’d feel when he’s here as opposed to when he’s not. Rory’s made it a point to tuck her in
every night, but I hadn’t thought about what she’d think or expect in the morning. I was just happy he was here for her. I need to make a decision and stick to it, because the back and forth isn’t good on Ruby. It’s not good on me, and I imagine Rory feels the same way.
I scoop her up, bring her over to my bed, and sit her on my lap. “Do you remember when we talked about Mommy and Daddy needing some time apart?” Ruby nods. “Well, what I didn’t tell you is that Mommy and Daddy have been trying to spend some time together, to work on the things keeping us apart.”
“Frankie says her mommy hates her daddy. Do you hate Daddy?”
Why would any parent say that about their spouse or ex? I shake my head and fight back a wave of tears. “I love your daddy very much, and he loves me.”
“I think he loves me more,” she says without missing a beat.
“You’re probably right. You’re his favorite.”
“That’s because I don’t make him pick up his socks or wash his coffee cup and you do.”
Oh, how I want to tell her that these little things go a long, long way in a relationship. That romance isn’t just giving your wife a kiss good-bye in the morning or thanking her for keeping your house tidy and making your dinner; it’s taking an extra step to help out, to be there unexpectedly. It’s putting your wife and family first; it’s pulling your wife into an embrace because she’s standing there and you can’t resist her. All things Rory was good at in the beginning. All things I was good at too. He’s not the only one to blame for these problems we’re going through.
“Well, have you smelled his socks?” I ask her. “P.U.” I wave my hand back and forth in front of my nose, which makes her laugh. “No one should have to touch those stinky things.”
“Daddy doesn’t smell.”
“How do you know? Have you been sniffing his toes?”
She laughs. “No, but when I hug him, he smells good.” Yes, yes he does. Since the time we started dating, Rory has always worn some musky scent of cologne. It didn’t matter what the scent was, I was putty in his hands.
“Why don’t you—” My words are cut off by the sound of the doorbell ringing. Ruby is off my lap and running toward the stairs, yelling that she’ll get it before I can even move a muscle. I follow her down the stairs as quickly as possible. She swings the door open, and Rory is standing there dressed in a black tuxedo with a bouquet of flowers in his hand.
“Daddy!” she squeals, and jumps into his arms. I stand there with my heart beating out of my chest, my mouth parched, and my palms sweating. He bends down to give her a kiss but keeps eye contact with me. Butterflies flutter in my tummy, and my knees go weak. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that I’m in love with this man, but I have to be one hundred percent sure that he’s in love with me.
Rory moves away from Ruby and stalks toward me. I hold on to the railing for support. Not because I’m going to fall, but out of fear I may throw myself at him.
“You look …” He takes a step back, pulls his lower lip between his teeth, and shakes his head slightly. “I’m not sure you should be out in public like this.”
It takes me a moment to find my voice. “What, why?” I ask, feeling for a hair that might be out of place, automatically assuming something is wrong.
“Because every man at the party is going to be looking at you, and I’m not sure I have the energy to keep them away.” He steps closer, cupping my cheek with his free hand. “I’m having a hard time here, Gwen.”