“And?” she asked excitedly.
“And his name is Jason Hayes. Apparently his daughter is friends with the girls?”
“Oh yes! How did I not figure that out?” She exclaimed. “He’s so handsome, Sam. And such a good dad. All the moms have a crush on him.” She laughed. “So, tell me what happened!”
I rolled my eyes dramatically before telling her about the afternoon. “So, yeah. I bolted.”
“Oh, Sam, come on. Why would you do that?”
“I don’t know!” I replied, flustered. “He asked me what my favorite Christmas memories were, and I froze. Look, you know how I feel about this topic.”
“Sam, I’m so disappointed,” she said. It felt like a knife in my stomach.
“You’re disappointed? What is that supposed to mean?” She’s my sister, and not having my back was devastating.
She placed both of her hands down on the counter as if she were trying to calm down. “Sam, I love you. You know that I do. But give me a break. This whole ‘I hate Christmas because my parents are dead’ routine is getting old.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“
No, Sam, I’m not kidding. I’m not saying that you can’t wish they were here—hell, I wish they were here—but they’re not. And you being some kind of Christmas phobic to everyone is just …”
“It’s just what?” I interjected.
“It’s childish, Samantha. You don’t have to forget about them, but you do have to move on for crying out loud. Make some new memories. The holidays are supposed to be about sharing and giving and loving. All you’re doing is making yourself miserable, and frankly, making the people who love you miserable.”
She ran her hands through her hair and continued. “You need to get it together, Sam. I love you. I love you so much. But honestly, you have to move on. At this point, it’s become a choice. You’re not a little girl anymore. You have the ability to cherish their memories and move forward, it’s up to you.”
“I cannot believe you’re calling me childish because I didn’t want to tell a complete stranger my favorite things about Christmas. You cannot be serious right now.”
“I’m completely serious, Sam. It’s Christmas. That’s what people do. They exchange stories about their family traditions. They bake cookies for each other. What the hell is wrong with you?”
She was right. I knew that every single thing she was saying was true, but I didn’t want to hear it. I wanted to retreat, not face my feelings. My immediate reaction was to pack my things and get on the first plane back to Florida to be by myself, to wallow in my misery. But I knew better.
Robin paced around the kitchen, nothing left to say, so I had to speak up. “Look, Robin, I’m sorry. He’s just a guy I met. It’s not that big of a deal. I will try harder.”
“Sam, he’s not just some guy. He’s our friend. And his daughter is friends with our kids. Do you not see how your behavior impacts others?”
“I’m sorry,” I replied.
“Look, the girls are going to be home any minute, and we’re going to get ready for the open house tour. I’m planning to make this Christmas, like every Christmas ever, special. If you want to come, then go get ready. But you need to put on a good face for my kids, okay?”
“Do you not want me to go?” I asked. I was hurt that she seemed to not want me there. Her tone was frustrated, and I understood it, but she always tried to make me feel better in the past. This time was different.
“Honestly, Sam, it’s up to you. I wouldn’t have asked you to come here for the holidays if I didn’t want you. But seriously, figure out how to fake it, or better yet, move forward like the rest of us have.”
She walked off, and I let her go. It was clear that we both needed some space, and I wanted some time with my thoughts. I went to my room and flopped down on the bed, trying to decide if I should stay away for a bit or if I should put on my big girl pants and just make more of an effort to keep my feelings to myself. Originally, I thought that I could just be myself and be sad when I wanted, but that clearly wasn’t the case. I didn’t know how to get out of my funk, though, and pretending was going to take some real effort at that point.
The girls came home, and I could hear them running around and getting ready. The Christmas open house tour was basically going from historical house to house to view their decorations, have a drink and a snack, and then move on to the next. Friendship had a decorating contest for the participants, and they received a trophy or something, and of course bragging rights. It was a fun way to stop by your neighbors’ houses and catch up while checking out their decorations and spreading some holiday cheer.
Inhaling a deep breath, I heaved myself up off the bed. It was time to get it together and be with my family. I changed into a fresh pair of jeans and boots, and one of the new sweaters I picked up while I was here, and headed back to the kitchen where the family was all gathered and getting ready.
“Aunt Sam!” Daisy shouted.
“Are you ready to go? It’s going to be so fun, and there’s so many good snacks,” Delilah added.
“Well, who can say no to good snacks? Certainly not me,” I replied.