We shake and let the awkward silence fall over us. Ajay picks up the papers again and starts reading them, while I try to focus on the words in front of me.
“Married, huh?” I ask, randomly.
“Yep. I was so in love with her. I thought that was my ticket to life, more or less.”
“What happened, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“What didn’t happen? We fought, made up, fucked like rabbits, got pregnant, lost the baby, she got depressed and I packed my shit. I headed to Nashville to look for some work, fully intending to go back, but I didn’t. She tracked me down, served me with papers and I signed them without even calling her. She’s better off without me.”
“That’s rough.”
He nods. “So, what’s your story? Last week you were happy, today you’re wallowing in self-pity. What’s her name?”
“Nola, well actually it’s Eleanora, but she lied about her name, so I don’t even… I got played.” I don’t know what spurs me to tell him my saga, but I do. It’s almost refreshing, talking to him and not my family.
“Jamie’s my girl or was. I used to call her Whiskey because she’s named after her daddy, Jameson. Man, that fucker hated me. Pulled a shotgun on me when he found out I knocked his baby girl up.”
“But you married her, at least you took responsibility.”
Ajay laughs. “We actually married on her birthday. Her daddy caught us one day. He busted my balls big time. Chased my naked ass down the road. I figured if she were my wife, he’d have no say.”
I don’t bother to tell him that my mom caught Nola and me together. It’s embarrassing, mostly because I was being irresponsible. It seems that when it comes to that girl, irresponsible is my middle name.
“My problem was, I didn’t have a good example on how to be a husband. No job, underage drinking with my buddies, playing in bands. I was stupid. She was the smart one, asking for a divorce. Anyway, what happened with you?”
“I have a life-long situation and it came to fruition the other night. She was involved with orchestrating the entire thing, blindsided me, and then I found out she’s engaged, and yeah… I don’t know. I’m here, trying to write when I just want to go to her and ask her why she did what she did.”
“Sometimes confrontation isn’t worth it though, you get answers that you don’t expect or can’t handle.”
I’m in agreement with him, but I still want to know. The one time I put myself out there, put my heart on the line, I get burnt. Honestly, it’s a complete turn-off and makes me want to reevaluate how I do things in life.
“I think we should work on this, put some music to them. Want me to call the rest of the band and see if they’re free?”
As reluctant as I am, I nod. Ajay excuses himself and goes to make a few calls. I stare down at the sheet of music and sigh. I feel as if talking to him, airing out my issues and hearing about his life, has lifted this weight off me. Still, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m in a funk.
Within an hour, everyone’s here. While Ajay and I waited, we put the lyrics together, sang it a few times to make sure it worked and made copies for everyone. Right now, the group is putting together a melody, each trying to find our own rhythm that’ll work for this song.
It’s when Liam walks in and takes a look that things change. It takes him about thirty minutes to put the melody together. It’s rough, gritty and perfect.
“It’s something you and Dana should sing together,” he says. “The contrast in your voices and the battle that takes place between love and lies in the song, you both can portray the different characters in the lyrics.”
Dana and I nod in agreement and take our respective places. Liam goes to the booth and starts recording. Dana, she belts out her lines, adding so much emotion to the words. For me, my voice is soft, the pain I’m feeling coming through. The song allows me to express myself. To tell the world about my heartache. And Dana, she counters everything, fighting back. Screaming that she’s the one, despite everything.
When we’re done, and Liam plays it back, he leans down and whispers, “Don’t be me. Don’t give up on the one you love because you’re blinded by what surrounds you.”
36
Eleanora
It’s crazy what a wedding does to people. Everyone in my house is overjoyed with tomorrow’s ceremony. My mom is running around like a chicken without its head, barking orders all while humming the wedding march. My dad, he’s outside, directing the tent company on how to put up the giant white marquee for the reception, as if they’ve never done it before. Rhett, bless his heart, is holding court in the living room with possible dates for tomorrow. I’ve told him that Kellie’s coming, but he doesn’t believe me. I swear, those two just need to do the deed and get over their mutual crushes. And me, I’m content with my maid of honor duties and trying to get over the perpetual lump that lives in my chest.
It’s been almost two months and there’s been no word from Quinn. It’s not like I expected him to call but had hoped there would be some kind of contact, even if it was just to see how I’m doing, but let’s be honest here, I don’t deserve anything from him. Of course, I tried calling him, numerous times because I was unable to get the hint that he’s changed his number. He has though and realizing this was heartbreaking. The words he said to me that last night in the Bean Song were pretty damaging, but to make sure I could never apologize hurts even worse. I’m healing, but I don’t know when I’ll be fully healed and ready to date again.
I step out onto the porch and marvel at how different everything looks. My dad had a massive archway built and set over the entrance between our driveway and house so that when guests arrive tomorrow, they’ll know they’re here for a wedding. I thought for sure when my mother told him about Susannah wanting to get married here, he would flip out and say no, but he didn’t. He welcomed the idea, saying we haven’t had a reason to party in a long time, which is odd considering my mother throws soirees all the time. I also expected him to say we could have a double wedding, but he seems to have taken a backseat where Roy is concerned. Maybe it’s because everyone in town knows Roy’s about to be a father, whether he wants to admit it or not. Roy though, hasn’t given up. He seems to think the indiscretion, as he calls it, is going to go away. The man is utterly clueless.
And he’s walking up the driveway now having to sidestep the crates, boxes and lighting tubes scattered all over. The scowl on his face tells all, he’s not impressed. He’s dressed as usual, never opting to embrace the weather by putting on shor
ts. I suppose it is a Friday and he’s likely on his way to work, but still, it’s blazing hot outside.