Mom tries to smile, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. I already know by her expression, she would be.
“That’s a hard one for me, Quinn. I would never deny you a relationship with your mother—”
“Egg donor,” I say, interrupting her. “She’ll never be a mother to me. You’re my mom, and always will be.”
She reaches into her back pocket and pulls out a piece of paper, slowly unfolding it. “One year, you did a project in school for Mother’s Day. I don’t remember exactly what it was, but you gave me this letter. I always knew that I would need this again, that we would need to read it together.” Mom hands me the tattered paper.
I read over the letter I wrote to her many years ago. Tears fall as I remember the assignment. People rarely spoke about adoption or being adopted. I think because if they were, they didn’t kn
ow yet. I suppose I had it better in the end because I knew. Adoption is something the three of us wanted because we wanted to be a family, always.
“Backwards day. We haven’t had one of those in a long time.”
“Nope, we haven’t. We could if you wanted.”
I laugh. The twins and I looked forward to that one day a month where we decided what we were going to do. The girls went with our dad, and I with our mom. I used to drag Mom to kart racing, arcades, the skate park, and the dirt track. She’d never complain.
I read the letter again and focus on the end. “You chose to be my mom.”
She nods and lets the tears fall down her cheek. “I did, and I’d choose you again. You brought a joy into my life that I didn’t know was missing. I have loved every minute of being your mom and if you wanted a relationship with her, that’s your choice. But I can’t lie and tell you I wouldn’t be jealous or hurt. She, with the help of Sam, almost ruined your father and me with lies. Lies that I believed even when your dad was telling the truth, and if she hurt you, I don’t know what I’d do.”
“I don’t want to have anything to do with her, but she has a daughter. Right now, I think she’s as delusional as her mother, but…”
“She’s your sister.”
“Half.”
“More than the twins.”
I shake my head. “I don’t see Peyton and Elle that way. I never have. I hope you know that. I hope they know that.”
She nods. “I think they do, but—”
“But you think they’ll feel threatened or feel like I’m replacing them?”
“I don’t know. Everyone’s going to have their own feelings on this.”
“I don’t want to hurt the twins, ever. I’m also not saying I plan to have a relationship with her. I just… I don’t know.”
My mom takes my hand in hers and squeezes. “You’ll make the best decision for you, Quinn. That’s all you can do. The girls, they probably won’t understand because Mason, he’s not coming for them, and there are no hidden siblings out there, waiting to make contact. You’re in a unique situation with no right or wrong way to handle it. There isn’t a manual on how to deal with half-siblings from psycho mothers.” Mom covers her face. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t say things like that, but that woman… ugh.”
We both laugh. “It’s fine. She’s really in her own world. I found her really creepy. Like she’s done too many drugs in her life or something. And she called me Charlie.”
“You definitely don’t look like a Charlie.”
“I’m partial to Quinn,” I say, even though she had no say in what to call me. Her phone dings, she reaches for it and smiles. I know it’s my dad. They’re hopelessly in love and it’s rather sickening sometimes, except I want the same for myself. I thought I had it or was on my way to it. “What’s Dad say?”
Mom smiles and looks over her shoulder. “I’m going to give you two guys some time together.” She leans in and kisses me on the cheek. “I love you, son.”
“I love you too, Mom.”
I watch as she greets my father. He kisses her as if they just started dating. They’ve never lost their attraction for one another or even fell out of love, not even a little bit. Sometimes, I wonder where my dad and I would be if Mason hadn’t passed away, how different life would be. Nothing would be as we know it.
As my dad sits down, he pulls me into a hug. We stay like this for a bit. He’s crying. I can feel his body shudder and his tears are making my neck and shirt wet. I’d cry too, but my tears are all dried up. Everyone’s always been concerned about how I’d feel when Alicia showed up, but no one ever considered how my parents would feel. It’s probably uncomfortable for my dad to know this woman is in town and making her presence known.
We part, but he doesn’t let go of me. His hands are cupping my face and he’s looking at me, almost as if he’s trying to memorize what I look like. When he finally drops his hands, he lets out a large sigh. “Up until the day I met you, I never wanted kids. But there you were, in your carrier and the words, he’s your son were playing through my mind. I called your grandma because in my eyes, she fixed everything. I remember when she took you out of your car seat and held you, she knew instantly you were mine. You didn’t even have a name.”
“Charles, according to her.”