“She called you?” Of course, she did, he just said as much. “What I mean is, why does it matter?”
Dad sets his chopsticks down, rests his elbows on the table and links his fingers together. “I’m not sure it matters for anything, Quinn, other than the band set-up seems pretty solid and it sounds like a great way to start your career.”
“Are you saying this because Ajay is the drummer?”
He shakes his head. “No, I’m saying this because the talent Elle’s lining up has the ability to really do something in the industry. I thought this is what you wanted.”
“I don’t know what I want. I’m content with the gigs I have.”
“You don’t want to at least see if you fit with the others? You have so much talent, Quinn,” Mom adds. She reaches across the table and places her hand on top of mine.
“It’s not that.”
“Then what is it, son?” Dad asks. “What’s holding you back?”
I look from my dad to my mom. It’s when I see her face, her kind eyes and soft features I about lose it. I excuse myself from the table and head out toward the ocean, needing to get lost in my thoughts.
The sand is warm where I sit, and the ocean is angry. Harsh waves crash toward shore, making me wish I were out there, catching the big ones. My mom would freak out though and it’s not worth seeing her cry.
From behind me, someone approaches. I turn to see my mom just as she sits down next to me. She hands me a beer and holds another bottle in her hand.
“Thanks.” I take a drink, letting the cold amber liquid cool my heated body.
“I hate beer,” she says, taking a drink. “I don’t know how you kids drink it.”
“And yet, here you are, drinking one.” I tilt my bottle and clank it against hers.
“I’m trying to be cool.”
I laugh. “I’m not sure any of us have ever thought of you as uncool.”
She leans her head on my shoulder and sighs. “You know, I’ve known you since you were eight. This shy little boy came into my life and showed me that I had so much more love to give.”
“Still shy.”
“Nothing wrong with that, Quinn. Is that why you don’t want to be in the band?”
I shake my head. “It’s Alicia.”
Everything goes silent. Even the waves have seemed to calm, and the birds have stopped chirping.
“Has she contacted you?”
“No, but I fear that if I’m out there, then she’ll reach out, and I’m not sure if I’m ready for that. I don’t want to meet her or have her in my business. I’ve gone all this time without knowing her and if I join the band and we do well, I could end up in her radar.”
“Quinn, look at me.”
I do as she asks. My mom’s so pretty with her dark hair and tanned skin. “Who’s your mom?”
“You are.”
She gets up on her knees and places her hands on my face. There are tears in her eyes, which spur mine to let go. “And you’re my son. No one can ever take that away from us, especially not Alicia. You, my son, are so talented and beautiful. I don’t want to see you wasting your dream because of a what if. The James don’t live that way. If we did, I would’ve never gone to your dad and asked for a second chance. If you want to be in a band or have a solo career or go work for Frank Carey, do it, but don’t let some woman who means nothing to you, who you don’t even know, hold you back. You’re worth so much more.”
My arms collapse around my mom as she hugs me. I cry into her shoulder, thankful to have someone like her in my life, but still fearful that the other woman, the one who gave birth to me, is out there waiting. And if she is, I don’t know what I’m going to do.
6
Eleanora