The weekend flies by way too damn quickly, and before I know it, I’m kissing Sawyer goodbye at the airport while Presley hugs Abby. Everyone is sad as hell to say goodbye, but there’s nothing I can do. I told Sawyer I would figure this out, but the truth is, I’m not sure how to go about that. The thought scares the shit out of me because what if Sawyer was right? What if our timing is off, and by stringing us along, all I’m doing is hurting everyone in the process?
No, I tell myself. That’s not going to happen. I’m going to figure this shit out. Just like in football, I need to come up with a game plan. I’ve won five damn Super Bowls. Surely, I can figure out how to get Sawyer and me in the same damn state for longer than a few days.
CHAPTER TWELVE
HUDSON
“Get it! Get it!”
“We’re not a moving target on this!”
“C’mon, Matthews, get it together!”
“Go… Go… Go!”
I make pass after pass, but more often than not, I’m missing my mark. My coaches yell, and my teammates grumble, but I’m struggling. It shouldn’t be like this. We’re a well-oiled machine with five rings as proof of what we’re capable of. But I’m failing my team because my head’s not in it.
It’s been three weeks since I had to say goodbye to Sawyer at the airport. Training camp has started, and I can’t focus. I text her every day, asking how her day was and what she was up to. She’s busy preparing for the upcoming school year and for Abby’s birthday party. At first, she would respond with long, detailed messages. But with each passing day, her responses get shorter and farther apart. I can feel her slipping through my fingers, and I don’t know what the hell to do about it.
“Dammit, Matthews. What the hell is going on?” Coach barks, frustration seeping through every word. “We’re done for the day.” The disappointed, confused look he gives me has my heart plummeting into my stomach. These men are like family, and I’m failing them. My head and heart aren’t in it, and it’s not fair to them. I need to get it together.
I rip my helmet off and head to the showers with the other guys. I can feel their eyes on me, wanting to know what’s going on, but they don’t ask. They trust me. They’ve trusted me for years.
The second I’m outside, I pull my phone out of my bag and find several missed calls from Joanie. My heart stutters in fear when I worry something happened to one of my kids.
“Hudson, thank you for calling me back. I normally wouldn’t bother you while you’re at work, but—”
“It’s fine. Is everything okay?” I ask, worried.
“No, it’s not. Presley and Lucas got into an argument with a boy at camp. Lucas hit him, and I was asked to pick them up. He’s been suspended for a week.”
My thoughts go back to the last boy Lucas hit… in defense of Abby. “Did he say what happened?”
“No, neither of them will speak. They both went to their rooms when we got home, and they won’t come out or say a word.”
“All right, I’m on my way home.”
“Okay, umm… Hudson…”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t mean to overstep, but this is the third time in two weeks they’ve gotten in trouble. I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s not like them. And their attitudes…It’s like they’re mad at the world.”
“You’re not overstepping. I know. They’re not mad at the world… They’re mad at me.” They’ve made it clear on several occasions. The first when we had to say goodbye to Abby and Sawyer at the airport. Lucas was quiet about it at first until Presley started crying. Then he blamed me for upsetting her. I tried to explain it’s not my fault, and it was because we live in two different states, but he argued that I’m rich and can have whatever I want. I didn’t bother to explain that’s not how life works. He was an upset eight-year-old lashing out and wanted me to make it right. My heart cracked.
The next time they got mad was when we received Abby’s birthday invitation in the mail, and I told them we couldn’t go because I have to work. Lucas proceeded to scream at me and let me know that my job is ruining their lives, while Presley cried that Abby is going to forget her and they’ll never be friends again. My heart broke.
Then I sent them to camp. A camp Lucas has gone to every year. It’s run by the school, so Lucas usually loves it because he gets to hang out with his friends. This is Presley’s first time since she’s starting kindergarten. They both complained the entire way there and begged me to let them stay home. They asked to go away again with me, saying we had so much fun and why don’t I want to be with them. I explained I have to work for a living, and my job requires me to go back now. Lucas looked me dead in the eyes and told me he hates my job and hates me. And my heart shattered.