What would the Two Rivers folk do if he stepped down as their lord?
In a sinking moment of realization, he knew that Faile was right. Surely they'd pick someone who'd do a better job of it than me, he thought. Maybe Master al'Vere.
But could Perrin trust that? Men like Master al'Vere or Tam might turn down the position. Might they end up picking someone like old Cenn Buie? Would they have a choice? If Perrin stepped aside, might some person who figured himself highborn seize power?
Don't be a fool, Perrin Aybara, he thought. Almost anyone would be better than you.
Still, the thought of someone else taking control someone else being lord filled him with intense anxiety. And a surprising amount of sadness.
"Now," Faile said, "stop your brooding. I have grand intentions for this evening." She clapped her hands loudly three times, and movements began below. Soon, servants crested the hillside. Perrin recognized them as people she'd appropriated from among the refugees, a group as loyal to her as Cha Faile.
They carried canvas, which they spread on the ground. Then they covered that with a blanket. And what was that he smelled coming up from below? Ham?
"What is this, Faile?" he asked.
"At first," she said, "I assumed that you had something special planned for our shanna'har. I grew nervous when you didn't mention it, however, and so I asked. It appears that you do not celebrate it in the Two Rivers, odd though that is."
"Shanna'har?" Perrin asked, scratching his head.
"In the coming weeks," Faile said, "we will have been married one year. This is our first shanna'har, our marriage celebration." She folded her arms, watching as her servants arranged a meal on the blanket. "In Saldaea, we celebrate the shanna'har each year in the early summer. It is a festival to mark another year together, another year with neither husband nor wife fallen to the Trollocs. Young couples are told to savor their first shanna'har, much as one savors the first taste of a succulent meal. Our marriage will only be new to us once."
The servants laid out a meal, including several glass bowls with candles in them. Faile dismissed the servants with a smile and a wave, and they retreated down the side of the hill. Faile had obviously taken care to make the meal look lavish. The blanket was embroidered, perhaps taken from Shaido spoils. The meal was served on silver plates and platters, ham over a bed of boiled barley and capers across the top. There was even wine.
Faile stepped closer to him. "I realize that there has been much, this
year, that is not worth savoring. Maiden, the Prophet, that harsh winter. But if these things are the cost for being with you, Perrin, then I would pay them freely a dozen times over.
"If all were well, we would spend this next month giving gifts to one another, affirming our love, celebrating our first summer as husband and wife. I doubt we will have the month of ease that is our right, but at least we should spend and enjoy this evening together."
"I don't know if I can, Faile," he said. "The Whitecloaks, the sky . . . Light! The Last Battle itself is almost here. The Last Battle, Faile! How can I feast while my people are being held under threat of execution and while the world itself may die?"
"If the world itself is going to die," Faile said, "is this not the time when a man must take time to appreciate what he has? Before it is all taken?"
Perrin hesitated. She laid a hand on his arm, her touch so soft. She hadn't raised her voice. Did she want him to yell? It was so hard to tell when she wanted an argument and when she didn't. Maybe Elyas would have advice for him.
"Please," she said softly. "Try to relax for one evening. For me."
"All right," he said, laying his hand on hers.
She led him to the blanket and they settled down, side by side before the array of silver dishes. Faile lit more candles off of the lit ones the servants had left. The night was chilly the clouds seemed to draw summer warmth away. "Why do this outside?" Perrin said. "And not in our tent?"
"I asked Tam what you do in the Two Rivers for shanna'har" she said. "And as I feared, I learned that you don't celebrate it. That is really quite backward, you realize we'll need to change the custom, once things settle down. Regardless, Tam said that the closest they had was something he and his wife did. Once a year, they would pack up a full meal as extravagant as they could afford and hike to a new place in the woods. They would dine there and spend the day with one another." She snuggled up against him. "Our wedding was done in the Two Rivers fashion, so I wished this day to be after that fashion as well."
He smiled. Despite his earlier objections his tension was easing. The food smelled good, and his stomach growled, prompting Faile to sit up and take his plate and hand it to him.
He dug in. He tried to keep his manners, but the food was excellent, and it had been a long day. He found himself ripping into the ham with ferocity, though he tried to take care not to drip on the fancy blanket.
Faile ate more slowly, the scent of amusement mixing with that of her soap.
"What?" Perrin asked, wiping his mouth. She was lit only by the candles, now that the sun was fully down.
"There's much of the wolf in you, my husband."
He froze, noticing that he'd been licking his fingers. He growled at himself, wiping them instead on a napkin. As much as he liked wolves, he wouldn't invite them to the dinner table with him. "Too much of the wolf in me," he said.
"You are what you are, my husband. And I happen to love what you are, so that is well."
He continued to chew on his cut of the ham. The night was quiet, the servants having retreated far enough away that he couldn't smell or hear them. Likely Faile had left orders that they weren't to be disturbed, and with the trees at the base of the hillside, they wouldn't have to worry about being observed.