“He’s leaving tomorrow, and he would like to do something more for you,” she said.
Was Donald really feeling guilty about all of this? I wondered.
“I appreciate it, but I don’t feel up to it, Jordan. I’ll eat whatever Mrs. Caro makes for me.”
“Well, I’m not going without you,” she said. “If you change your mind, let me know.”
I thanked her again, and she left. Not ten minutes later, the call I most dreaded came. It was Kiera. She began by telling me that she had checked out of the motel and returned to the college dorm. For a moment, I thought she knew nothing about Ryder Garfield, but then she said, “Boy, I guess there was a lot more wrong with him than you first thought.”
“No, there was a lot more wrong with his parents than I first thought,” I said. “That wasn’t a very nice thing you wrote in your e-mail.”
“Well, I didn’t know it was going to turn out to be that dramatic an ending.”
“It wasn’t dramatic. It was tragic.”
“Same thing.”
“Did you confront your roommate about it?”
She was quiet a moment. “Oh,” she said, as if she had just realized what I was referring to. “That blabbering idiot? I told her about Ryder just to make her feel guilty and terrible. She ran out of here in tears. I’m going to see about changing my room. Maybe I can get a single and not deal with any of these pathetic airheads. I’m beginning to hate this place.”
“Why didn’t you just come home for a few days?”
“I’m not that desperate yet,” she said.
I wanted to ask why she felt that way now, especially considering how big
this property was and how much there was to do on it. What had happened to all of her high school friends? Why wasn’t she ever talking about any of them, and why didn’t she want to meet any of them here again?
But I had no patience for Kiera March right now. Her problems looked trivial and selfish to me.
“So what did you learn about his suicide?” she asked.
“Nothing more. It’s all too painful to talk about, Kiera. I’m tired.”
“You should have stayed with me,” she said. “You’re probably just moping about there, and my mother is probably behaving like a worried hen or something.”
I didn’t say anything.
“What new wonderful thing is my father doing for you?”
“I think he feels bad. He wants to take us out to dinner, but I’m not up to it.”
“You’ll break his heart,” she said.
“I’ve got to go, Kiera. I’m not feeling well,” I said to cut off her sarcasm.
“So go. Send me an e-mail when you’re up to it,” she said, and hung up.
Since we weren’t going out for dinner, Donald decided to leave on his trip that night. Jordan told me that he had told her the faster he went, the sooner he could return. I didn’t ask her where he had gone or why. Right now, none of that really mattered to me. So many things I had once thought important looked insignificant.
Dinner, with only Jordan and myself, reminded me of the earlier days when everyone was feeling uncomfortable being together. Conversation was forced, as were smiles. Donald was so formal, and Kiera was usually sulking or just sullen. Sometimes I had no appetite because of them but forced myself to eat so no one would notice. I thought Donald would think I was unappreciative and Kiera would be pleased.
“Donald thought it would be better for you if you did as originally planned and didn’t attend school on Monday,” Jordan said. “That way, you’ll have until Wednesday.”
I nodded. I ate as much as I could and then excused myself and went up to my room. Somehow, no matter what I thought to do, it seemed wrong. How could I distract myself with watching television? How could I read or do homework? It was even hard to return to the Internet. Doing anything made me feel as if Ryder’s death didn’t matter if I could return to my normal life that quickly.
Of course, I couldn’t. I did know from my own experience after my mother’s death that time would bring me back into the world. Right now, I hated the thought of it. I tried sleeping but couldn’t fall asleep for the longest time, and when I did, I woke frequently. A little before ten, Jordan knocked on my door and stepped in to see how I was.