“You are,” I said.
She gave me a big hug. “Okay, now, let’s stop talking about me. Tell me about school today. I’m sure it was another exciting day, and I’m sure Ryder Garfield noticed you.”
I shook my head.
“Don’t be shy, Sasha. No one is very shy in this house or in your school, I bet.”
“I’m not shy, Jordan. Ryder Garfield is a very unhappy person.”
“Really? You can tell that already?”
“You have to be deaf and blind not to see it, but I’m afraid most of my . . . acquaintance
s are just that. They think he’s super-conceited. In Pacifica, being conceited is normal, so the only way for them to interpret his indifference to them is to describe him as super-conceited.”
She laughed and then turned serious. “You’ve been through so much darkness and despair, Sasha. Don’t go looking for it in other people. Everything I’ve done for you is designed to bring light and happiness into your life. Don’t waste it on someone who won’t appreciate it or care. You just avoid him, then.”
“I’ll see,” I said. I was just as surprised as she was to hear me say it.
She leaned to the left and looked at me with a smile on her lips. “You’re not smitten that quickly, are you?”
I felt myself blush, the heat coming into my neck first and then spilling into my cheeks. “No,” I said, even too emphatically for my own satisfaction. “I just don’t like to judge people too quickly or unfairly. It happened to me.”
She nodded. “Well, you’re right. That’s a good quality to possess. Just be careful with your relationships, and don’t hesitate to come to me for anything.”
She looked out at the lake again. The afternoon sun at this time of the fall was low enough to have its rays filtered by the treetops. It turned half of the lake into a kaleidoscope of shapes and colors. One lone tern wandering inland swooped down with curiosity and seemed to glide over the water before rising over the trees.
“I’d better let you get to your homework and tend to some of my phone calls. I’m on the board of directors of the MS Foundation, and we’re setting up another gala to raise funds.”
She rose and reached for my hand as we walked back to where I had left my schoolbag.
“Mrs. Caro is preparing one of your favorite dishes tonight, her vegetarian lasagna.”
“She’s a wonderful cook. Where did you get her? I never asked her or you, and Kiera never told me.”
“Donald stole her away from another family. They were getting into a bad divorce, anyway, and she was unhappy there. She’s been unhappy here, too, but not since you arrived. You’ve brought sunshine into this house.”
She kissed me on the cheek and went off to her office to continue her charity work. Although I saw that she enjoyed helping people—after all, look what she had done for me—I knew as well that she did the work to distract herself and keep her sanity. She had lost a daughter, had a daughter who was almost as good as lost, and now possibly had a husband who was drifting away.
Why couldn’t Kiera see all of this and care more for her own mother? As soon as I was in my room, I checked my computer, and sure enough, there was another e-mail from her:
Well, it happened.
Richard went and did it.
He bought me an engagement ring with an enormous diamond, but I didn’t take it yet. His face almost slipped off his skull. Gruesome thought, but that’s how disappointed he looked.
Oh, I didn’t turn him down. I just told him to keep it in his pocket, and I would think about it. I like him enough. Maybe I even love him.
Can you tell me exactly what falling in love is supposed to mean and what exactly is supposed to happen inside you? Don’t give me some romantic drivel, either, or quote some romance novel. I know you’re not sure, either, because you’ve never been in love, but I’d like to know how you’re going to know that you are and it’s not just another crush. I read where someday people will try each other on like clothes. I suppose I’ve been doing that all my life. I can see you smiling and nodding.
Well, what’s wrong with that, anyway? I can tell you this. I don’t want to end up like my mother, and don’t start firing back all the good things about her and my father or become like my therapist and try to get me to express why I feel that way. I just do, and that’s that.
Anyway, back to Richard. I enjoy making love to him more than I’ve enjoyed it with any other boy. Sometimes it does feel like it’s for the first time. I’m not always the wild daughter of the Kama Sutra. Often, I’m as tender as he is. Once recently when we made love, I actually began to cry. He thought I might be upset, but I was happy, contented. Is that love?
He still amuses me with his English expressions and his surprise at practically everything I say or do. I suppose that’s fresh, and maybe that’s part of being in love.
He’s one of the most handsome men I’ve ever been with. None of the other men at this school is as well put together. He told me he had a valet taking care of him from the age of four. If there is something about me out of place, he gets right to fixing it. I’ll never be unpresentable with him. Having someone look after you so attentively is important to love, I guess.