My heart seemed to writhe in my chest as my blood froze. For a moment, I couldn’t breathe.
“But how could I . . .”
“I’m making a great sacrifice in giving you up, Lorelei. You have to make one, too.”
“But my daughter, a daughter created from my husband and me, surely couldn’t be someone who would please you.”
“She will in a different way,” he said. “For many years, it will be like having you with me.”
“But . . .”
“It’s what I want,” he said firmly. “Do you want the alternative?”
I shook my head.
He smiled. “Good. The daughter of my daughter will once again be close to me.”
The very idea was so painful to me, but I was afraid to speak.
“You know that once you are impregnated by one of them, you will be one of them, and I don’t mean figuratively or symbolically, Lorelei. You will lose all that you have as my daughter. You will suffer the same slings and arrows of misfortune that they suffer. You will, as Ava alluded to before, be full of silly, vain jealousies, grow old and sick in a second of time compared with us.” He laughed. “Why, you’ll need to go to a dentist.”
“I don’t care,” I said.
His eyes brightened rather than darkening. “No, you don’t. You’re resilient. Ironically, you wouldn’t be if you weren’t a Patio, Lorelei, but you’d come back to us out of weakness and not willingly. I don’t want that. Go forth, and cross over into their world,” he said, like a bishop giving me a blessing.
He leaned toward me and brought his lips to mine. It was a kiss unlike any other he had given me. It was a kiss that sealed my fate. It was more like a royal stamp. I felt no warmth or love. He stroked my hair once more and then stepped back.
“Ava?” he said. “Leave on the feet of a kitten.”
“Yes, Daddy,” she said.
“Daddy?” I called. He turned. “That man, the guest in my rooming house, Collin Nickels.”
“Yes, that was your sister’s choice. Not the most nutritious,” he said. “But she was trying to make a point. Perhaps a little too enthusiastically?”
Ava smirked. He nodded at the door.
They left like a whisper dying in the aftermath. I watched them go, the door barely closing behind them as they wove their way out through shadows into the darkness Daddy treasured.
And I stood there trapped between relief and great sadness, escaping the struggle between these two feelings only when I managed to fall asleep.
21
I didn’t wake up until Julia touched my face and sat beside me on my bed.
“Sorry to wake you, but Mrs. Wakefield is pacing in the dining room. She’ll wear a path in the rug if we’re all not in there soon,” she said.
I sat up, feeling a bit groggy. “What time is it?”
“Eleven thirty. We’re going to call it brunch, not breakfast. The boys are showering. Clifford is moaning about his hangover and swearing he’ll never do it again. He will,” she said, laughing. She nodded at some clothes she had laid out for me over a chair. “I’m sure they’ll all fit well enough,” she said. “I’m also sure they’ll look better on you. It’s going to be a beautiful day. If you’re up to it, we’ll do some of that shopping we left for the last minute.”
“Thanks. Yes, I’ll be up to it.” I scrubbed my face with my dry palms and ran my fingers through my hair. As I did so, I looked about the room as if I expected either Daddy or Ava still to be there.
“Are you all right?”
“I’m okay. I just had a night full of dreams. The sort you can’t remember or don’t want to remember. You just have the heavy dark feeling.”
“I’ve had plenty of those.”