He started to dress, but he looked very unhappy. “Did I do something wrong, say something wrong?”
“No.” I turned to him. “I wish you had,” I said, and walked out of the bedroom.
“Huh? Why?”
“I’ll wait for you out back,” I said.
Before he could reply, I left. I wanted to be alone for a few moments to argue with myself.
What are you doing? Are you mad? Daddy is waiting. What possible excuse can you give, and what good would even the best excuse do? You would have failed, and Daddy would be in grave danger. Mrs. Fennel and Ava would be furious.
Ava was right. This was too easy. But it shouldn’t be this easy. I shouldn’t be delivering someone as wonderful and good as Buddy. I should be delivering the type of young man Ava delivered and Brianna delivered—lustful, selfish, deceitful men who had hoped to use them for pleasure and leave them. I didn’t have to use any guile or any seductive tricks to capture Buddy. Besides, he had captured me as much as I’d captured him. It couldn’t be. It wouldn’t be.
You’re the one who won’t be, my other self replied. That’s what won’t be if you don’t bring him to Daddy. You will be cast out and be less than an orphan.
“What’s going on?” Buddy asked, coming up behind me.
My heart was pounding. Thoughts and words became jumbled in my brain. A hot flush came over me and was quickly followed by a chill that almost made my teeth chatter. My body was in turmoil, a part of it in rebellion, a part of it opposing that rebellion.
I took a deep breath.
“We don’t have to wait here any longer,” I said. “We can wait for him at my house.”
“Oh. Yeah, I suppose we could. That makes sense. You’re a character. You scared me, jumping up like that. Talk about your impulsive person.”
I turned and looked at him. “It occurred to me that you should have more time.”
“More time?”
“To meet my younger sister, our housekeeper, and even Ava. That way, you’ll be more comfortable when you meet Daddy.”
He nodded. “Sure.” He leaned toward me to kiss me.
“Let’s go,” I said, walking away and into the house.
He followed quickly. “You certainly can be confusing,” he said when I opened the front door. “First, you were adamant about keeping me away from your house, your father, and now you can’t wait to bring me to him.”
I turned to him. “Yes. I know. I’m sorry.”
“Nothing to be sorry about. I’m just amused. You’re full of surprises.”
We headed for his car.
I’m sorry, I repeated, but only to myself, and under my breath, I whispered, “I don’t think I have the strength not to bring you to him.”
20
Tomorrow Forever
Buddy couldn’t stop talking as he drove. I knew that my abrupt decision to leave immediately disturbed him, even though he agreed it made sense to go to my house and spend some time with my sisters before my father arrived. Try as I would, I couldn’t pretend to be as enthusiastic as he was about our future relationship. I knew most of his effort was going toward getting me at least to sound half as excited as he was.
“Now that I’m going to meet your family, you’ve got to meet mine. Maybe next week, we can take a drive down to Long Beach. You’ll love my mother. She’s pretty hip and very pretty, if I may say so myself. Most of my friends tell me she looks more like my older sister than my mother. She dresses in up-to-date fashions, likes a lot of the music I like, and has a bubbly personality.”
“Bubbly?”
“Yeah, you know. She’s always up, and if something unpleasant happens, she always seems to find something positive to say. You know the type.”
“No, I don’t,” I said.