I stopped smiling.
“Doesn’t that make you happy?”
“Yes, but it frightens me, too.”
“Frightens you? Why?”
“I told you. I don’t want you or me to be deeply hurt by disappointment.”
“Never happen,” he said.
I stood up.
“I swear, you look taller,” he said.
“Do I?”
I went to the mirror over the dresser and looked at myself. He’s right, I thought. I do look as if I’ve grown taller. Was it just our imagination?
“Maybe you’re just happy, fulfilled,” he said. “You know, like a beautiful flower now able to blossom? Don’t look at me like that. I’ve never said these things to any other girl. I swear.” He raised his right hand.
“Okay,” I said, laughing. “I’m convinced.” I looked at my watch. “I have to go.”
“To face the music for yesterday, huh?”
“Yes. I might not be able to see you again for a while, Buddy, and it might even be hard for me to call you.”
“You can call me anytime, whenever you’re able to call. I don’t care how late or early it is.”
“I’ll try,” I said.
“You look really worried,” he told me as we started out together. “Are you sure I can’t meet your father? I’m a charmer,” he kidded.
“Not a good time,” I said.
I paused when we stepped out of his uncle’s house. The street was as quiet as these cul-de-sacs could be. Nothing was moving, yet I had the sense that we weren’t alone. For a moment, I felt the way Daddy often did when that sixth sense of his was triggered by something. I stared ahead.
“Something wrong?” Buddy asked.
“No.” I moved quickly to my car. When I reached for the door, he reached for my hand to stop me and turn me around so he could kiss me again.
“The way you’re talking, this kiss has to last a while,” he said, and kissed me again.
“I will try to call you,” I promised, and got into the car. He stood with his hands on the open window.
“I’m afraid to let you go. I have this sinking, sick feeling that I’ll never see you again.”
“No matter what,” I said, “I’ll see you again.”
“You had better, or I’ll find you, no matter where you are or how big your father might be.”
I nodded. How ironic every word seemed to be. If he only knew how big my father could be, he wouldn’t even think those words. I flashed a smile and then started to back out of the driveway. He walked after me, as if he really feared that he would never see me again. The look on his face was breaking my heart, but I couldn’t stay any longer, and no matter how many promises I made, that look wouldn’t go away. He would always hear the hesitation and doubt in my voice.
I watched him in my rearview mirror as I drove out of his uncle’s street. I had come there with tears streaming down my cheeks, and I was leaving the same way. Really, how could I continue this love affair? Daddy was planning our move away. In a short time, Buddy would never be able to find me again. I truly would be like a dream he’d had. In time, I was confident I would fade. He’d find someone new, and whenever he did pause to try to remember me, he would smile and shake his head as he asked himself, What was that all about, anyway? He would rationalize away his disappointment by thinking of me as strange, weird, whatever would ease his pain.
But what about me? Wouldn’t I go on to become Daddy’s new Ava, and wouldn’t that harden me so that I would never find anyone like Buddy again? Maybe I would come to believe what Mrs. Fennel taught us, that love was a disaster for us. Years from now, I might even persuade myself to be grateful for the separation. After all, I had come too close to a catastrophe. I had taken a drink from the poisonous fountain and, luckily, had survived.
For now, however, I had to throw off sorrow and brace myself for the cold waves of anger that I would soon face at home. Ava was right. I could look and act sorry, but I couldn’t overdo my remorse, or I’d give it all away. I drove faster. There were still a few hours left before Daddy and Mrs. Fennel were to return. I decided I would take a soothing bath and do my best to relax.