“That maybe a little more experience with boys would help me later on, help me become more like you.”
“What? That is such a load of crap,” she said. “I’m going to have to tell Daddy about this.”
“Why? For heaven’s sake, Ava, didn’t boys approach you for dates in high school? You said you were tempted a few times. Why make a big deal of this?”
“Yes, I told you I was tempted, but I quickly shut that down and afterward never entertained thoughts of going out with any of them like you’re doing.”
“Yes, you did,” I said, and tightened my arms around myself. “You’re lying. You just want to make me look bad in front of Daddy.”
“If any boy asked me out, I’d tell him where he could get off,” Marla piped up.
I spun around on her. “No, you wouldn’t, Marla. Don’t tell us that now. You were all excited in there that some boy might have approached me. You couldn’t wait for the details.”
“I might be interested in the details, but I wouldn’t think of doing something Daddy told me not to do,” she replied, now looking more like Ava to me.
Ava nodded. “She has more sense than you do already.”
Marla smiled smugly at the compliment. I could feel it coming, the day Marla would be breathing down my back to become Daddy’s best girl. She was different from the way I was at her age. She was more sophisticated, sharper, more intent, and, despite her sloppy ways at times, more anxious to please Mrs. Fennel. It wouldn’t be long before sibling rivalry would be spelled in all capital letters when it came to what went on between her and me.
“Don’t worry. I’m not going to do anything wrong,” I said.
“Oh, I’m not worried,” Ava said, “but that doesn’t mean you won’t.”
We drove on in silence. I felt all the conflicts raging inside me. I would never say it now, but I was more than just tempted to say yes to Mark. I really wanted to go with him, to be part of something people our age were doing. Why wouldn’t it be good for me to have these experiences now? Wouldn’t it make me smarter, wiser for the future?
Even thinking these thoughts created a battle within me. I tried to chastise myself, to make myself feel bad about thinking of doing something that would displease Daddy and in some way endanger the family. I could feel the tug of war going on in my brain, thoughts wrestling with thoughts.
Why was any of this surprising, anyway? Daddy said I was stunning now. Ava taught me how to flirt and be attractive. Where did they think I was going to school, a nunnery? This is just Ava’s jealousy again, I concluded. Daddy won’t be angry. He knows she’s been even more jealous of me these days. Let her go tell him. She’ll be disappointed in his reaction.
She was frustrated when we arrived at the house, because Daddy was still away. I thought she would tell Mrs. Fennel as a consolation, but she apparently said nothing to her, because nothing was mentioned at dinner. Just after ten, when I was thinking of going to sleep, Daddy arrived. I could hear he had brought a woman home with him, so I thought Ava surely wouldn’t trouble him with her complaints about me tonight, but to my surprise, she did. When he came to my room, he didn’t look angry, however. He looked more concerned than anything.
He was still wearing his tie and jacket and looked as handsome as ever. I had just gotten into my nightgown and sat on my bed when he entered.
“I must speak with you, Lorelei,” he began.
“I don’t care what she said, Daddy. It wasn’t my fault, and I didn’t do anything.”
“I know.” He sat next to me and took my hand. I felt like a little girl again, sitting with him on the gazebo in New York, hanging on his every word, his every look. “It’s my fault this has happened.”
“Your fault? Why?”
“I pushed you a little faster than I have the others,” he said. “Usually, I wait a little longer before I unveil one of my daughters, but I thought, and still think, you’re a little different, Lorelei, wiser in some ways, and certainly one of the most intelligent. From your questions, the way you look at things, I could see you were going to be… how shall I say… more complete. And you are, you are.”
He paused and took a breath.
“Of course, I would expect boys to pursue you, and vigorously, too. The feelings you’re having and the desires you have are natural but also dangerous. Oh, I don’t mean dangerous the way other fathers might feel it was for their daughters. You know that. I don’t believe you would lose yourself in some love affair and get pregnant or anything. But if you developed even a small romance now, you would have far too much to explain. You understand, right?”
I nodded.
“You’ll have plenty of time and plenty of opportunities very soon to enjoy yourself out there, Lorelei. Just be a little more patient and listen to your sister. She’s been through it.”
“I’m not sure she has,” I said, perhaps too quickly.
“Oh? What do you mean?”
“Ava’s a harder person than I am. She seems almost angry all the time, especially at men.”
He didn’t laugh or smile. The look he gave me instead put icicles down my back. It was as if he was learning more about me than about Ava from what I was saying.