I started to shake my head.
“Did you get your period…bleeding?”
“No, not time for it,” I said.
“So? You don’t know,” she said, satisfied.
The thought had passed through my mind, but I had chased it off so quickly it had been forgotten until now.
“Don’t worry. If you’re pregnant, I’m sure my mother will have it taken care of…abortion. Unless you’re so religious you won’t do it.”
I didn’t answer. I wouldn’t let myself think about it.
She smiled. “My mother would make you. She would be too embarrassed to have a pregnant teenage girl in the house. You have to be more careful, now that you’re going to have a boyfriend.”
She reached down to the bottom drawer in her night table and pulled it open to pluck out a small case. She smiled at me.
“Know what this is?”
I shook my head.
She opened it and took out a dome-shaped rubber disc.
“It’s called a diaphragm. My mother got it for me. Do you know what this does?”
I knew, but I had never seen one. Tía Isabela had bought it for her? It was like sending her out to be promiscuous, I thought, or at least accepting it. The widening of my eyes made her laugh.
“Don’t look so surprised. She just came to me one day and said, ‘I know you’re not going to be careful, Sophia, so I want you to be protected.’ She was right about that,” she added, and laughed again. Then she grew serious. “You need one of these. My mother should get one for you, too. I’ll show you how it works.”
She showed me the spermicidal jelly she smeared in and around it and began to describe how she inserted it. I imagined she had not studied or mastered anything at school with as much enthusiasm.
“I haven’t used it yet. The first time was supposed to be with you-know-who, but he wasn’t as interested in me as he was in you.” Thinkin
g about Bradley brought the rage back into her face. She put her diaphragm away, slamming the drawer closed, and fell back on her bed.
“I’ve got a headache,” she said. “I ate too much.” She leaned on her elbow and looked at me. “Don’t you eat too much ever?”
“Sí,” I said. “When mi abuela Anabela makes her chocolate mole chicken. She makes the best guacamole and the best burritos. I work with her in the kitchen. She has taught me many things her mother taught her.”
It looked as if hearing about my good family memories made her angry, so I stopped.
“You obviously miss her. Why did you leave her if you miss her so much?”
“She wanted me to come here. She is ninety years old and was afraid for me.”
“If she was afraid for you, she shouldn’t have sent you here,” Sophia said, lying back again. “Look at what’s happened to you so far. I bet you haven’t told her anything. I bet if she knew, she would just die.”
I did not reply. She closed her eyes and mumbled something under her breath. I sat there thinking and looking at her, waiting for her to say something else, but she didn’t. When I stood up, I saw she had fallen asleep. Quietly, I went to the door, opened it, looked back at her, and left to go to my own bedroom and think about all she had said. She had thrown my mind into a whirlpool of terrible thoughts.
Could I be pregnant? Would Tía Isabela send me back to Mexico like that, and would that break Abuela Anabela’s heart? What should I do about seeing Edward naked on the bed? Should I tell Tía Isabela? Would Sophia tell her, and then would she know I had seen it, too, and not said anything?
I was in such turmoil I didn’t think I would fall asleep, but somehow I did. I woke during the night and thought someone was in my room, standing by my door. It turned out to be just a shadow, but it put another shiver in my heart. I had a nightmare about it in which the ghost of Señor Dallas came to see me. He was very upset about both of his children but especially Sophia. He wanted me to help her, but he also warned me to be wary of her.
She did not come to breakfast as she had said she would. In fact, I did not see her until nearly one o’clock. Apparently, Jesse had stayed the night with Edward. In the morning after breakfast, he took Edward for a walk. I was afraid to speak to either of them and just watched them from a window in the living room as they strolled about the grounds. Edward still had his eyes bandaged. Jesse held Edward’s arm and guided him. They looked inseparable but also a little sad to me.
After I had some lunch, I went to my room to think about my preparations for the fiesta. Sophia came in, apologizing for not getting up earlier.
“I had a terrible headache this morning,” she said, rubbing her forehead to illustrate. “I didn’t think I’d ever get up. Did you take in the dress I gave you? Is it ready? The dress, the dress,” she repeated when I didn’t respond quickly enough.