My father shook his head. “How did you let her get involved with this nutcase?”
“Neither of them was living in solitary, Mr. Fitzgerald. I think Haylee was intrigued and fascinated by him. She appeared more energetic, more interested in doing productive things.”
“And thought she could cure him?” I said.
“Maybe. More likely, she didn’t think of him being cured, just free. They’d both be free.”
“So she used him,” I said. “Whatever the reason, she was responsible for what happened to herself.”
“I don’t think we should blame her now.”
“So we’re back to that,” my father said. “Whom should we blame?”
“Either you believe what Cedar Thomas was taught, that there are demons in some people, or you accept that we all share blame. We don’t mean to do harm. Things we do get misinterpreted, misdirected. They’re mistakes, and maybe we miss seeing the effects of those mistakes, but we want good things for people we love. Your ex-wife wanted that. She certainly didn’t want this, and neither did you or Kaylee. I simply want you to find some peace with it all.”
I looked at my father.
?
??I don’t know if you’re right. I don’t even know if it matters, Dr. Alexander,” he said. “I don’t envy you for the world you’re in. It’s easier to believe that there are good guys and bad guys and leave it at that. But I appreciate your telling us about the boy and sharing your thoughts with us. Kaylee?”
We stood to leave.
“What about me?” I asked. “I’m one of the Mirror Sisters. Will I make a similar mistake, overestimate what I’m capable of doing, and cause more trouble?” In the back of my mind, I was thinking about Troy and how I had advised him.
“It’s not all in what’s reflected, Kaylee. I think you know when to ask for help.”
My father was quiet for most of the ride back. We both were.
“She’s right,” he finally said. “She’s like the rest of us, more educated but only out to do some good. It’s pointless to blame her.”
“I like that, Daddy. Maybe someday I’ll do what she does.”
“Maybe you will. That way, I’ll get some free therapy.”
It was practically the only time either of us had smiled during the last few days and practically the only time we would in the days to follow.
Mother was not well enough to attend Haylee’s funeral. Troy cut school to be with me. I knew his biggest worry was that I wouldn’t return to Littlefield. There would be too many questions and all the astonishment at my hiding the past and my sister’s existence.
“If you transfer to some other school, I’ll transfer there, too,” he promised.
That night, I called him after talking about it with my father.
“I’m coming back,” I said. “I’m not running away from anything anymore.”
“I’ll be waiting,” he said. “We’ll go for the best sundae in America.”
“In the world,” I said, and we started to talk about all that we would do in the weeks and months to come.
At the end of the week, I went to Haylee’s grave alone. There was no monument or footstone yet, just a small plaque with her name and dates. It was a bright day, one of those days when the sky is almost turquoise and the small clouds look like what my mother once had described as puffs of God’s breath. We were only about five when she told Haylee and me that.
Haylee had blown up her cheeks and looked at the sky and said, “I want to make a cloud, too.”
“And what do you want to do, Kaylee?” Mother immediately asked me.
“Whatever Haylee wants to do,” I replied. It was the answer she wanted, the answer she would never hear again.
I studied the mound of earth. I had seen the coffin lowered, but it still seemed unreal to me. Nevertheless, I stepped closer to talk to her.