She turned and waited for my response.
“You don’t have to wear the girdle anymore, Semantha,” she added, granting it to me like some sort of bonus.
The air around me still felt too hot to breathe.
“I’m going to lie down,” I said. “I don’t feel so good.”
“Of course. Go on. I’ll bring you something to drink, some warm milk.”
She approached me and ran her right palm gently, lovingly, over my cheek. “When you’re hungry, I’ll bring up your dinner. That will make Daddy curious. I’ll tell him our story and ask him to be kind to you. I’ll explain how upset and frightened you are. You’ll see. I’ll get him to accept it and be concerned for you, too. Yo
u know I can, so be relieved. Rest.”
Before I could prevent it, she hugged me and kissed my cheek.
When I looked into her eyes, I saw only love and hope.
However, it didn’t reassure me. It only made me more afraid of what was to come. I said nothing.
I hurried to the sanctity of my own bedroom. Now more in a daze than anything, I lay back on my bed and stared up at the ceiling. It began to swirl. I felt as if I were looking into a whirlpool. Images slowly rose as the swirling sped up. I saw Mother’s loving smile, but that was quickly followed by Daddy’s face of tragedy. I saw Cassie choosing my sexy dress, and I saw Porter Andrew Hall handing me the box of candy. Then I saw him naked, approaching me in my bed, and I quickly turned over so I wouldn’t look up. I slammed my eyelids shut. If only I could wish hard enough for all of this to be untrue.
As if my baby inside me could hear my thoughts, he kicked. I turned on my back and put my hands on my stomach to feel his movement. Despite what that phony Dr. Samuels had told me and what I had read, in my heart of hearts, I had known I was really pregnant. I had let them fool me. I had wanted their story to be true so much that I had convinced myself as well as, if not better than, they had convinced me. I had never told Cassie, but I’d had dreams, nightmares, in fact, about my baby. In them, I had heard him cry. Was that impossible? Did babies cry in the womb? Did the baby inside me know he was being denied? Did he want to announce his existence, demand to be recognized?
The avalanche of emotions that had begun when I entered Cassie’s room and heard the truth exhausted me. I couldn’t keep my eyes open and soon fell asleep. I woke to the sounds of Cassie’s and Daddy’s voices in the hallway. Daddy was very upset. I had never heard him speak so sharply and angrily to Cassie. And I had never heard her words so muffled by sobs. That was something usually reserved for me.
Moments later, Daddy entered my room. He stood gaping at me. Cassie drew up gingerly beside him.
“Then this is true?” he asked me.
Lying there without the girdle and my hands still on my abdomen, I was sure I presented a clear picture of a pregnant girl. He approached slowly, his lips pulled back tightly, looking like someone who had just swallowed something very rotten. He grimaced with pain and disgust. I looked past him at Cassie. She wasn’t looking devastated or even upset. She wore a slight smile and nodded to tell me that all was as she had planned.
“If you would have had the courage to tell me about this immediately, Semantha, I would have done something. Now look at the mess we’re in.”
“We’re not in any mess, Daddy,” Cassie insisted, stepping up beside him again. “I told you what we’ll do, and we’ll do it.”
“How could you have done this, Semantha? How could you have been so stupid, and so soon after … so soon?”
Everything in me wanted to burst out with the truth. I couldn’t stand to see the pain on my father’s face, pain he believed was solely and wholly my fault, all my fault. All I could think was that he was going to stop loving me or would never ever love me the same way he had.
“I didn’t …” I started to say, but Cassie stepped up quickly.
“She didn’t mean for it to happen, Daddy. No girl actually plans such a thing. It happened. She was in a precarious emotional state, as we all were after Mother’s tragic death. People do unexpected and foolish things when they’re like that. Things they can’t explain afterward or defend. Surely, you understand.”
He wilted and sat at the foot of my bed, lowering his head into his hands. “I let you girls down,” he muttered. “I let Arianna down by not stepping up to be twice the parent when it was necessary.”
“Oh, no, don’t blame yourself, Daddy. You were under great emotional strain as well. Neither of us blames you for anything, right, Semantha?” she said, looking intently at me.
I shook my head, but Daddy didn’t see.
“Right?” she repeated.
“Yes, right. This is all my fault, Daddy. I’m sorry.”
He sighed deeply and lifted his head from his hands.
“Please don’t worry, Daddy. I’ll handle all of this,” Cassie told him.
“How can you handle all of this?” he snapped at her. The immediate expression on her face told me how shocked and disappointed she was. “She needs medical attention now. She has to see an OB and be set up for a delivery this late in the pregnancy.”