She was right about us being hungry, after all. When I looked at Daddy, even though he was eating, he seemed more stunned than sad. Every once in a while, I caught him looking toward Mother’s chair. Cassie was sitting in her own place again. We had just gotten seated at the table when the phone started to ring. Cassie took it on herself to handle all phone calls. She reported each and every one to Daddy. He smiled at some names and nodded, and then returned to his far-off look.
Later, he and Uncle Perry sat and talked. Cassie kept busy in the house but walked in and out to ask Daddy if he needed anything. I tried to stay up with everyone, but my eyelids wouldn’t cooperate. They kept shutting, and I kept dozing off until Cassie shook me and told me to go up to bed.
“I’ll come up to look in on you in a little while,” she said.
How she could be so strong and so helpful when I was nothing but a wet noodle amazed me. Once again, I thought how Mother had been right about her, how she would be a leader and would always have strong self-confidence.
Despite all that had occurred and all I had seen, I still couldn’t get myself to believe that Mother was gone, had literally been carted away under a sheet like something to be kept hidden from curious eyes. I had to go back to her bedroom and look in at the empty bed, praying to myself that this was all just a bad dream and I would soon wake up. No one had touched the bed. The blanket was still pulled back, her pillows showing where her head had been. I started to cry again and hurried back to my room. I cried in the bathroom. I cried when I got dressed for bed, and I sobbed into my pillow until I felt Cassie’s hand on my shoulder and turned to look up at her.
“Now, don’t cry, Semantha. Don’t worry. I’ll always be here for you. We’re the Heavenstone sisters. We can overcome anything together. I want you to be strong over the next few days. I want you to help me with Daddy, be at his side to give him the strength he will need, okay?”
I nodded.
“Just try to get some sleep. Remember, the sun in the morning is the kiss of life,” she said, which was something Mother always said. Then she kissed my cheek, stroked my hair, and fixed my blanket. “I’m right across the hall,” she said, “as always.”
I watched her leave and closed my eyes again. It bothered me a little for reasons I couldn’t quite understand yet, but Cassie was as comforting as our mother had been able to be.
In the morning, she was up ahead of me as usual and had done quite a bit before I ventured down. She had the table set and our breakfast prepared.
“I’m sorry I didn’t get down early enough to help you, Cassie,” I told her.
“That’s all right. You needed more sleep than I did. You went through a more trying time. I’m going up to see about Daddy. We must be sure he eats a good breakfast. He needs his strength. I know it will be hard for you, but try not to cry in front of him, okay?”
“Yes.”
I waited at the table, and when Daddy came down with Cassie, he looked as if he had aged years overnight. He wasn’t dressed as impeccably as he usually was, and his hair was not as neat. Surely, sleeping in the bed in which Mother had died was very difficult and very emotional for him. I was positive that he had not had a good night’s sleep and had probably woken up many times to convince himself that she wasn’t there and would never be again.
On the other hand, Cassie was as buoyant and energetic as ever, urging Daddy and me to eat, clearing dishes, pouring coffee, and serving her special egg omelette. She spoke to Daddy as if he was her child and not vice versa. He nodded and gave her whatever smiles he could. Somehow, she got him to finish his breakfast, and then I helped her clear the table so we could get ready to go to the funeral parlor. Daddy suggested that he would go himself, but Cassie insisted that we accompany him. She assured him that we would be fine and looked at me sharply to remind me how to behave.
Uncle Perry met us at the funeral parlor. I was grateful for that, because he held my hand and stood by me the whole time. Even so, I think the one thing that saved me was the feeling that none of this was real. Even when I looked at the choices for a coffin, it seemed as if I was watching a movie about someone else. The only time I reacted to anything was when Daddy asked us if what he had chosen was appropriate. Cassie assured him it was, and I quickly nodded. After all of the arrangements were made, we headed back home. Amazingly, Cassie already had organized the caterers and staff to handle the mourners who would visit.
Our days of mourning seemed to run into each other and become one very long, dreary, dark day. Although Cassie was polite to people, I could see she didn’t appreciate anyone’s sympathy or look grateful for anything except being left alone. She never tired or failed to be at Daddy’s side for one moment. The stream of mourners didn’t faze her one bit. On the other hand, their tears, words of encouragement, and dark faces draped in heavy gloom exhausted me. I slept on and off and fell asleep early each night.
Mother’s funeral was attended by so many people that the church overflowed, and people had to stand outside and listen to the minister on a speaker. There were many dignitaries. The governor sent a representative, and both of our state’s senators did as well. A great many of the mourners followed the hearse to the cemetery, too. Daddy stood betwee
n Cassie and me as the minister said his final words and prayers. I cried but held on to Daddy, who simply stared at the coffin. Cassie, on the other hand, seemed strong enough to be holding him up. Uncle Perry stood beside me and took my hand. After the graveside ceremony ended, we returned to the house for the final greeting of mourners.
I saw very few students from our school at the church and none at the funeral. When I mentioned that to Cassie, she smirked, nodded, and said, “The hypocrites told their children not to mourn someone who committed suicide, I’m sure. Who cares? Who wants their empty sympathy, anyway?”
I did. I wanted to see a friendly face. I had hoped Kent would come, but he didn’t, and neither did any of the girls who had become my new best friends. Cassie’s decision for me to stay home and then attend a private school seemed very sensible to me now. I hoped she hadn’t forgotten and would convince Daddy.
When everyone was finally gone, Cassie sent Daddy up to bed and took care of the caterers and locking up our house. She sent me up to bed as well. Before he left, Uncle Perry came to me and asked me please to call on him for anything at any time. He hugged me and kissed me.
“It’s all right to cry now, Semantha,” he said. “You’ve been a good soldier for your father, but don’t hold your grief in your heart. Let it spill out.”
I thanked him and went up to my room. I was still moving in slow motion like someone in a trance myself. After I got into bed, I heard Cassie come up the stairs, but I didn’t hear her go to her bedroom. I waited and waited but still didn’t hear her. Curious, I got out of bed and looked down the hallway. I didn’t see her for a few moments, and then suddenly, she emerged from Daddy’s bedroom with an armful of clothing.
Now she was the one moving like someone in a trance. She seemed not to see me standing in my bedroom doorway and almost walked past me and into her room before I called out. She turned slowly.
“Why aren’t you asleep?” she asked.
“I was just getting to sleep when I heard you. What are you doing with those clothes?”
“These are some of Mother’s things that I want to keep and wear,” she said. “We are about the same size. Daddy was always fond of these outfits.”
I just stared.
“Actually, I can fit into everything that was hers,” she added.