Cassie said nothing, but when she turned to me, she had a smile so deep in satisfaction that it turned my stomach.
However, I knew what was going to happen as soon as we were alone at home. Seconds after I went into my room, she followed and came at me with her eyes looking like egg yolks. I actually took a step back in anticipation of her slapping me.
“How dare you criticize something I’m saying to Daddy like that? Did you think I was trying to hurt him, hurt his feelings? Well?”
“No, but I thought it would.”
“You thought? Ha,” she said, throwing her head back. “You know nothing about human psychology. Besides, you don’t pretend something doesn’t exist just because it’s painful to acknowledge it. If you do that, it ferments inside you until it does destroy you.”
She stared at me a moment and then calmed down.
“What am I doing? You’re still a child. Of course, you wouldn’t understand any of this. Just remember, keep quiet. If you have any questions, you wait and ask me them later, and I’ll do my best to get you to understand. Understand?”
“Yes, but I’m not a child, Cassie. I’m nearly fifteen. My birthday is in two weeks.”
“There are grown men and women who are nothing more than children. Age has nothing to do with what I mean.” She paused and shook her head at me as if I was beyond help. “Forget it for now. I’ve got to do some schoolwork and get down to the kitchen.” She turned away from me but turned back quickly. “And when Daddy leaves for the hospital after dinner, don’t ask to go with him. He and Mother need time alone now.”
She left my room, and I stood gazing after her, my eyes burning with tears.
When had I been at a lower moment in my life? I wondered. I was an object of mockery at school, and with Mother in this terrible state and Daddy acting as if Cassie was his only daughter, I had never felt more alone. But I wouldn’t permit myself to cry. Sitting in my room and sobbing would be just what Cassie would expect, would justify her calling me a child. Somehow, I had to become as strong as she was, so Daddy would see that I was just as capable of rising to the occasion. I could be just as mature and responsible and dependable.
The first thing I would do would be to start the housework and chores without having Cassie tell me first. And I wouldn’t ask her for anything, especially in front of Daddy. Mother and Daddy need me as much as they need Cassie now, I thought, and so, as Daddy would say, I took a lug wrench
to my determination and tightened it so much I could barely breathe.
The next morning, I was up before Cassie. The sight of me in the kitchen stopped her dead for a moment. I already had the coffee made and the table set for breakfast, too.
“What’s gotten into you?” she asked with a half-smile.
You, I wanted to say, but I just shrugged and said, “I don’t know. I was up, so I started on things.” Then I smiled to myself and added, “I know how hard you’re working and thought I should do more.”
“Well, yes,” she agreed, nodding, “you should. That’s very admirable of you, Semantha. I guess our little chat last night did some good.”
She went right to work preparing Daddy’s breakfast. After my last attempt to do that, I wouldn’t try again. I fixed my own cereal and fruit. We both heard Daddy come down the stairs and turned to the doorway.
“Look at my elves at work. I bet Santa Claus doesn’t have it any better,” he said.
“Well, you are our Santa Claus, Daddy,” Cassie said quickly. I wished I could have been that witty.
“Now,” Daddy continued, looking at us both suspiciously, “who put out my clothes for this morning, had everything hanging and waiting for me when I opened my eyes, just like your mother always does? Well?”
“Maybe you have an invisible third elf working here,” Cassie told him, and he laughed.
“Everything smells good. I have a good appetite this morning.”
“Your paper’s on the table, Daddy,” I said. Cassie had forgotten that. She whipped her head around and looked at me. “I got it first thing.”
“Thank you, Semantha.”
He gave me a kiss and then kissed Cassie. Usually, he kissed her first. She continued to look strangely at me for a moment after Daddy went into the dining room.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Nothing. Go eat your breakfast. I’ll bring the rest out to Daddy.”
“I called your mother this morning,” Daddy told me when I sat at the table. “She sounded a little stronger. I think she had a good session with the therapist.”
“When will she come home?” I asked, just as Cassie brought in his breakfast.