"All right. Don't get upset. I'm just trying to be like a father to you, concerned. helpful."
"I don't need your help right now."
"Okay. When you're ready, I'll be there for you. That's all I want you to know."
I wiped the tears from my cheeks and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I made you cry. Grace. That really pains me." "It's all right."
"I'm sorry," he said again, and leaned over to kiss me on the cheek. He held his lips there just a second longer than I had anticipated, then pulled back slowly and smiled, keeping his face very close to mine. "Forgive me?"
"It's okay," I said, finding it hard to breathe. His lips were inches from mine.
"Great."
He kissed me again, this time smack on my lips, which really took me by surprise.
"Your problem is just your inexperience. Grace. A beautiful woman is like a beautiful race horse. You only have to find your stride. I can help you do that," he whispered.
"What? What do you mean?"
"Just a little thing like how to kiss. I bet you never kissed a man like this," he said, and brought his lips to mine while he held me tightly at the shoulders and pressed his tongue into my mouth. I tried to pull loose, but he held on as if his lips were glued to mine.
"There," he said. "That was like no other kiss you've had, wasn't it?"
I just stared at him, breathless, still spinning. He smiled, taking that for his love powers. I'm sure.
"That day you lost your bathing suit top, I said to myself, 'This is a beautiful young woman who, like a beautiful flower, just has to be brought to blossom,' Why not let me help you do that? You can trust me."
I kept shaking my head. What was he saying? What was he offering to do?
"Don't think I haven't noticed how you flirt with me. Grace. That's all right. It's only natural, natural instinct. You have needs you haven't even begun to satisfy."
"I don't flirt with you."
"You don't? Well, maybe you're not
consciously aware of what you do, but you do it." he insisted. He smiled and brought his hands up to my breasts. "How perfect you are. Grace." He leaned toward me. "You're more beautiful than Jackie and will always be." he said. "I know what you want. Let me give it to you."
"Stop." I said, putting my hands on his chest. I pushed, but he resisted, his face still close.
''Go on." he said. "Push me away. Go on." he whispered. his lips closing on mine.
I started, but my arms seemed to weaken. He kissed me again and then stood up.
"That's just a taste of what's to come. It's better if you are left in anticipation. It will make it all the more delicious and wonderful."
He stood there a moment longer and then slowly started away. "'See you later." he said from the door.
I was unable to find the breath to speak. In a moment he was gone, and I felt the need to embrace myself. Why hadn't I pushed him away harder? Why hadn't I screamed? Why was he so sure I wouldn't tell my mother?
Had I been flirting with him? I hated myself for what he had awakened inside me.
.
If I appeared introverted and withdrawn to people before. I imagine I came off looking
practically comatose during the next few weeks. I couldn't shake off the veil of guilt that had been thrown over me. I was afraid it was clearly written on my face, and so I avoided Mommy, getting up much earlier than she and Kirby and having breakfast by myself. They were usually off somewhere for lunch and dinner anyway. When they weren't. I made some excuses and had my dinner brought to my suite. I went to sleep earlier and earlier and slept or dozed for hours at a time in the shade by the pool. I felt like a clam slowly closing its shell. Even the brightest days were cloudy to me, and when it rained I enjoyed the wind and the darkness just as someone with a morbid view of life might.
Mommy was unusually distracted with social activities during this time, even for her. Somehow she had wormed her way onto a committee for a major charity event to be held at the Breakers hotel. and that led to another and another event. The truth was. most of the women who went to the meetings, went to socialize and not really to do work. Mommy, on the other hand, was eager to get her hands on real activities. She accepted as many of the real