"You have so little in common with her. Grace. Winston has introduced you to so many girls from substantial families over here, and you haven't so much as exchanged phone numbers with most of them."
"I'd rather be with a substantial person than a substantial family," I replied. I suppose it wasn't so much that Kaye was substantial as she was safe. She never demanded much of me, never talked about boys or our lack of romantic adventures, and was in no way competitive.
Mommy grimaced in pain at my response and shook her head, "I don't know why we even bother anymore," she said.
She didn't need to worry. When the summer session at the language school ended. Kaye and I rarely saw each other. She took a job in a small hotel in Beaulieusur-Mer, a beautiful coastal village. Mommy and Winston had too many places for us to ga and things for us to do for me to find time to visit Kaye, and then we returned to Palm Beach.
Kaye and I had exchanged addresses and had promised we would stay in touch, but after she wrote two letters and I didn't respond she never wrote again. I was occupied with starting college and used that as a rationalization for why I didn't continue our friendship. Mommy was right, I also told myself. Kaye and I came from worlds so different we might as well be from different planets.
I was accepted to every college I applied to but decided to attend the University of South Florida in Saint Petersburg. I suppose when it came right down to it, despite my bravado. I wanted to be somewhat close to Mommy and Winston. The day I was to go to the school and settle into the dormitory just happened to be the day of a major off-season charity event, an excursion to the Bahamas. Mommy had her heart set on going. I think she believed if she attended every possible social function right from the start she would somehow reclaim the place she had temporarily held in the social scene after she and Winston had married. The compromise was that she would go. but Winston would accompany me. I told them I didn't need either of them, but he was persistent. and Mommy agreed.
When I look back at all the things Winston did for me and with me. I have to put this at the top of the list. I recalled how Daddy used to fantasize about taking me to college.
"Leaving home for the first time is one of the most dramatic and emotional things you'll do, Sailor Girl," he told me, and then described what it had been like for him.
Winston had the private jet he leased fly us over to St Petersburg, He had planned to have a car and driver waiting for us. but I thought the sight of me being brought to the school in a chauffeur-driven limousine might be too much. He laughed but agreed, and instead we had a rental car and arrived just like most of the other students, their parents visiting the campus with them and delivering them to their dormitory rooms.
My roommate was a Cuban girl from Miami. Celia Caballero, a diminutive five-foot-one-inch zirl with ebony eyes like beautiful black stones. She was bubbly and outgoing and probably the sort of personality I needed. I know Winston was delighted with her.
"Well," he said when it was time for him to leave. "I know you will make us proud. arace. You've already done it in so many ways."
"Not according to Mommy," I muttered.
"Oh, she's just too intense, too worried. Shell come around and learn how to relax. I'm dedicating myself to it," he promised. He gazed around, "You know what. Grace. I would trade everything I have to be your age and starting over like this. Now I know why Shaw said 'Youth is wasted on the young.'"
I laughed, and he hugged me and started for the car. I had been on my own much more than most girls my age, and in foreign counties, too. We were an independent bunch when I was one of the naval brats. Yet somehow seeing Winston drive off, thinking about Mommy involved with socialites instead of being involved with me at this moment, I had never felt as alone.
"Come on," Celia cried, seizing my hand before I could refuse. She practically tugged me off my feet.
"Let's go to the student activity center and join the other freshmen."
I wanted to remain and unpack, but I went along. I was happy I did because I discovered I could sign up for the sailing team. I also joined the student educational association. After all, my goal was still to go into teaching. Celia, who was already in the college band, having qualified in an audition with her clarinet, also joined the glee club. Our interests were quite different. but I didn't think that would present any obstacles to our rooming together.
Mommy was happy to hear I was doing something else beside studying and going to classes. I knew again what she expected would came of it. Celia gat into the dating game much faster than I did, practically the next day, in fact, and soon was dragging me along to meet the friends of friends. I dated three different boys during the first half of the year. but I didn't get seriously involved with any of them. Maybe I was being too picky. I knew I had developed a reputation of being too
Some of the boys nicknamed me Grace the 'Virgin Queen, referring to Queen Elizabeth who had kept a variety of suitors at bay for political reasons.
In time Celia stopped trying to fix me up with one of her current boyfriend's friends, and I was left to my own resources. I did begin to develop a
relationship with one of the boys on the sailing team, Walker Thomas. He was one of the most, if not the most, dedicated team members. In the beginning almost all of our conversation centered around sailing. He came from Marco Island on the west coast of Florida and had a boat like Winston's. A number of times we went sailing together and had a wonderful time.
I liked him a lot because he didn't seem driven to be as intimate as possible as quickly as possible. He wasn't shy, but he was easygoing, moving in small ways toward a more intense relationship. Maybe I was old-fashioned or something, but I actually set a date in my mind when he and I would make love. I had slowly permitted myself to feel more affectionately toward him than any other boy in my life, and I believed I was ready.
He was coming over to the dorm. Celia was going on a date that she made clear would keep her out all night. Walker and I were going to have a light dinner. go to a movie, and then return to the dorm. About five-thirty, however, he called to tell me he wasn't coming. In fact, he was on his way home. His mother had suffered what looked like a stroke.
He called a few days later to tell me she had indeed suffered a stroke. It was massive, and she was in a coma. I was in the middle of finals, but I offered to go to him. He refused to hear of it. Two days later his mother passed away. I had taken my last exam and was packing to return to Joya del Mar.
Walker and I had planned to spend a good deal of our summer together. I had already informed Mommy and Winston that I wasn't going to Europe with them. I was, after all, nearly twenty now. There was no reason I couldn't spend my summers as I saw fit. I called Walker with the intention of flying to Naples and then driving to Marco Island. When he was hesitant about it I took a deep breath and finally asked him why.
Sometimes you can hear everything in a small silence. Your heart has already heard it before the other person begins to speak. It was that way for me. I kept my eyes closed and listened.
"There's someone here. someone I was kind of serious with before I started college, Grace. She's been at my side the whole time, and we've sort of gotten back together. I'm sorry," he said.
"That's okay. As long as you're doing fine." I said quickly. "See you on deck." I added.
"Grace..." he called, but I was already hanging up the phone.
"Jonah," I spat at my image in the mirror and crawled under my blanket, wishing I could sink into the mattress and disappear altogether.