"She got hysterical. My father was so angry. They called the police and tried to keep it as secret as they could, but like I said, my mother was so upset, she said she had to confide in someone, only she picked the wrong someone, and soon everyone knew about me. especially Penny Martin."
"But if you were drugged, how can they blame you and make it sound like you wanted it to happen?" I asked.
"They just do. They blame me for being so stupid and trusting. Penny and Wendi tell people I must have enjoyed it. I wish it would happen to them," she said, her eyes flaring. "Then we'll see how smart they are. We'll see how much they enjoy it."
She looked down at her wrists. Tears began to trickle down her cheeks.
"Autumn," I said softly. "You'll be all right."
"No. I won't!" she cried. "Even though my father knows how it happened, he blames me, too." she revealed. "My sister does. Everyone does!" she cried,
"That's not fair."
"Tell me about it," she said, taking deep breaths. "They make you feel so dirty. A hundred baths won't make you feel any cleaner. No one wants to be friends with me. My own family hates me. I know my father hopes he's transferred soon. He wants to go somewhere where no one will know about me. I'm an embarrassment for him, especially now after what I have done. I'm like an ugly stain on his uniform."
"No, you're not," I said, but not with any conviction. Many of the naval officers and personnel I had met in my life gave me the feeling they had to have every aspect of their lives polished and shiny. Any blemish on their reputations diminished them dramatically. How many times had I heard the lecture about how we represented the country?
All I knew was my daddy could never hate me or be ashamed of me. I was luckier than Autumn. We weren't just another naval family; we were a family.
"Thanks for saving that," Autumn told me. -but you're new here, and soon enough you won't want to come around. It's all right. I don't care anymore. You want to know something? I'm looking forward to going to a special school. I'm looking forward to going anyplace else."
"I hope you don't. As soon as you can, come visit me," I said. "I'll be your friend." I promised.
She looked at me skeptically but with some joy in her eyes.
"Just be careful." she said. "Don't trust anyone. You're better off." She closed her eyes. "I'm so tired.
" she said. "It's because of some medicine they are giving.
"Okay. I'll come back to see you soon," I said.
She didn't reply. She slid dawn in her bed and kept her eyes closed. I looked at her for a moment. Most of what she said and felt unfortunately was true. In the world we lived in if something bad happened to you, it had to be your fault. You didn't do something you should have done to prepare or to prevent it. You should have anticipated, expected, known, followed procedure. There was no such thing as a pure victim. We were all guilty always,
"Bye," I said softly. "I hope you feel better soon."
She barely acknowledged me with a slight nod. and I left her room.
As I started out of the house. I saw Mrs. Sullivan sitting in the living room, staring at the doorway.
"Oh. I'm sorry. Mrs. Sullivan," I said "If you were sitting here when I came in. I didn't see you."
She looked up as if she had just that moment realized I had come to visit.
"I wish I really was that invisible," she said.
"Autumn will be all right." I told her. I don't know from what well of information and confidence I drew that, but it raised her eyebrows.
You think so?"
"Yes, ma'am. I do." I said.
You young people today... nothing important seems to matter to you All that's important is a good time."
"No. ma'am. That's not true for everyone."
"You all behave as if there are no consequences to your actions." She nodded, "We all learn pretty fast that we pay the piper," she said. "Just remember that."
"Yes, ma'am."