"Dr. Anderson said similar things to me," she told me. "Well, he wasn't wrong, Grace."
"Somehow." she said, turning to me. "it didn't sound as convincing as when you say it."
I smiled. "I told you it's more effective to do unorthodox things with your patients."
Her smiled widened.
"If you're up to it." I said. "I'd like to show you the view from that rise there." I nodded toward the hill about a thousand yards or so ahead of us. "It's quite beautiful."
"Sneaking up on me again. Dr. De Beers?" she asked and I laughed, Then she looked out toward the hill, and after a long moment of decision, as if this one would change her life somehow, she said. "Okay."
Sometimes, Willow, your mother's voice sounded like the voice of a little girl. She retreated to that innocent vulnerable state, and when she did, my heart went out even more to her. It took all my professional bearing to keep from putting my arm around her and pressing her to me. I so wanted to kiss that cheek, to touch her hair, to trace the perfect lines of her perfect lips. but I shut all that up in the deepest place in my mind and rose from the bench we were on to walk again. She kept her anus crossed under her breasts, her head slightly lowered, her eyes mare thoughtful now.
I am writing this just after your tenth birthday. Willow. so I don't know how often you might have visited me at my clinic before you actually read this. but I do know that when you are old enough. I will take you far the same walk I took your mother that day. I might have the courage to reveal everything to you then, and if I do, there would be little reason to have my attorney iiive this to you.
As you know, we have some beautiful grounds at our home, but because of the hills here at the clinic. I have this wonderful view to share with my patients. From the crest I brought your mother to, we could see the river snaking along, its surface now gleaming with an opalescence in the strengthening late morning sunlight.
"My mother used to tell me rivers are the circulatory system for the earth, carrying the earth's blood: water. She was a very intelligent, well-read woman and she had a big influence on me and my success in science," I said. "It was like having a home study program."
I remember thinking I never talked about my personal life like this with any of my patients, but ever; time I did, it brought a new smile to Grace's lips. Was I doing it just to win her trust, something a doctor needs to help his patient, or was I doing it because it felt good to speak about myself whenever I was with her, because it was something special?
"I read where you wanted to become a teacher. Do you still want to do that?" I asked her.
She looked at me, and I could see the idea of her ever becoming or doing anything with her life anymore seemed incredible.
"I don't know," she said timidly, as someone afraid to have any hope would.
I was angry, angry at all the events, the people, the forces that had turned this remarkable, beautiful, promising young woman into an unconfident, weak shadow of what she had every right to be.
"Now, you listen to me," I said, seizing her just below the elbow and stopping her on the path. "You're going to have a future. Grace Montgomery. You're not going to be here or in the care of doctors forever." I said with steely eyes of determination.
"'What makes you so certain of that?" she asked, obviously impressed with my firmness.
"Experience, years of study, and..."
"And what?"
"Faith," I said. "Faith in you. Grace."
"But you hardly know me. You're read the file Dr. Anderson sent to you, but that's not me."
"I know it's not."
"Then how do you have any faith in me?"
"Maybe it's the faith I have in myself," I said, trying not to sound too arrogant.
"You're not what I expected." she said again after a long moment, and this time we both laughed.
Oh. Willow, the sound of her laughter... it was truly music, a free and melodic song. It had been sa long since I shared such a happy, carefree moment with anyone. I felt a little liberated myself. Suddenly it was brighter than I had thought. Those clouds were fleeing. The sun was making every color more vibrant, the very air we breathed was sweeter.
I wondered to myself. Is this what is meant by falling- in love? As a psychiatrist. I often had trouble with such romantic concepts. Nothing in the world seemed magical to me before I met your mother. Willow. Everything had an explanation either at the bottom of good scientific analysis or in its very physical qualities.
We were living in a world in which more and more accurate prognosticators were designed and created to predict what people would do, how they would vote, what they would buy, and even, in some people's way of thinking, whom they would love.
I was part of that world, one of those prognosticators. If anyone should be skeptical of magic, it was I. Willow, but I loved the possibility that there was magic in the world, that there were things that we were incapable of anticipating.
I couldn't remember enjoying a session with any patient as much as I was enjoying this walk with your mother. I wished it would go on and on and even considered walking with her down to the river's edge. I was invigorated. I felt gigantic. I could cure her in one session. Ralston would be waving his finger at me. I thought. but I didn't have a chance to do any of that on our second day.