As Kinley sits before me, her fingers dancing across my chest, I think about how she hasn’t pushed me at all. She’ll ask if I want to talk, and when the answer is no, she lets it go. This time, she’s not going to have to ask.
“Let’s talk.”
Her hands move to my shoulders and stay there. “Okay. What about?”
“I want to tell you all the things I haven’t told you yet, about my family and Mike. If you want to hear it,” I add.
Kinley laughs. “If you want to talk, I’m not going to stop you.”
My mouth opens right as my phone rings from inside my pants pocket. I pull it out, a little confused when I see that it’s Mike. Why is he calling me? Glancing at Kinley, I tell her to hold on before I answer.
“Hey, Carson. Sorry it’s a bit late, but I needed to call you,” he explains.
“Why? What happened?”
Mike is quiet for a moment, which immediately makes me uneasy. “I don’t know how to tell you without just saying it,” he starts. “Your father died from an overdose today.” He keeps talking, but I tune him out, running that sentence in my head over and over. I’ll never have to deal with him again. He died the same way my mother did. “Carson?” I snap out of it and listen as he says, “You’re his next-of-kin. They’re going to want to know what to do with his-”
“I don’t care, Mike,” I interrupt him. “Make the decision for me and let me know later. I don’t want to handle it.”
“Okay.” He wraps up the conversation, and then we hang up.
Kinley is watching me, waiting to be filled in. I guess it’s a good thing we were about to talk.
“My dad’s dead,” I say simply. “Overdose.”
Her lips part with a bit of shock and her eyes widen. She looks sad for a moment, but there’s no reason to be. I’m not. Before she can say anything, I begin talking.
“Mom died of an overdose too. I lived with my dad for a while before I was put into the system,” I start recounting what I know she already knows until I can push myself to go further. “Mom was about to start getting help because she knew she needed it. She was an overall good person who had a problem. Dad wasn’t, especially when he was high. That was the first time I had seen or heard from my dad since I was removed from his care.
“He could be brutal and I used to wonder what my mom ever saw in him. He hasn’t been in my life for a long time, so it doesn’t make much of a difference that he’s dead. Before he showed back up, I hoped that because I hadn’t heard from him, it meant he was dead. Mom was way more of a parent to me than he ever was.”
She nods like she understands, and so I continue my story.
“After I was put into foster care, Mike took me under his wing as much as he could. He was my coach and he made sure that I could keep playing. He knew I had the potential to be the player I am today. The older I got and as I moved up, he kept me sane by making sure I had good equipment and he got me to where I needed to go. It’s no surprise that he ended up becoming my agent.
“I knew Opal because she worked at the home I was staying at back in Michigan. When I moved here and was looking to start doing some charity work, it turned out she moved down here and was working with Shelby. Once I knew she worked there, I chose that one in particular.”
Pausing, I take a deep breath before continuing. “I ended up turning into who you first met because it was easy and I was actually satisfied with it. Aside from having Mike and Opal, being by myself is how I grew up and what I was comfortable with.” I feel like I’ve said enough for now, but there is one other thing I could do. While reaching into my back pocket for my wallet, I say, “I do have a picture, by the way. I just don’t keep it out.” I pull out the photo of my mom and hand it to her. “That’s the only one I have of my mom and me.”
“Oh, Carson Lee, you look like your mama.” She smiles.
“Yeah, and that’s better than looking like my dad,” I retort. “So, um, that’s all I was going to say.”
She hands the photo back to me and I slip it safely back into my wallet. “I don’t think you know how much it means to me that you told me. I know that it’s hard. You know I’m a great listener, but my dad went through something similar. He might be able to give you some advice too, if you need it.”
“He’s told me some things, actually, and he gave me advice already, but maybe I’ll talk to him again.”
“He did? Wow, you must have made a good impression on him too. He doesn’t usually tell a lot of people.”
“It was when we went golfing. He even said something about you too. He told me that you knew I was a good man. Turns out, he may have been right about what he was trying to make me understand.”
“He’s a smart man,” she agrees.
“A lot smarter than my dad,” I pause, wondering if I should say this outloud or not before saying it anyway. “Honestly, I’m glad I don’t have to worry about him showing up anymore. Maybe I should be upset a little or care more, but I don’t. I hated him too much. I can finally move forward without looking over my shoulder all the time.”
Kinley responds with exactly what I want to hear. “I can understand that.”
I squeeze her hips before making her stand. “C’mon. Let’s go to bed.” Keeping a hold of her hand, we go to my room and get ready for bed, finally climbing under the soft sheets. Kinley cuddles against me and I hold her even closer. “Goodnight, sweetheart,” I whisper before closing my eyes.