Hadley: Fine. I’m home.
I sigh and start making my way home. For the first time, I’m nervous about seeing her. I’m not used to this. I mean, we’ve had our fights over the years, but nothing like this. The drive seems too short. When I enter the house, I don’t see her right away. I hear her in the bathroom as I walk down the hallway to our room.
There’s no reason to make this last longer than it needs to, so I grab a few suitcases from my closet and start packing. All I need are clothes and a few other things for the time being. There’s a hotel close to the arena that I’ll probably stay at until the season is over.
“Luca, are you sure you want to do this? We can work this out.”
I glance over to see her standing in the doorway, but I keep packing. My view on children has been the one thing that hasn’t changed over the course of my life. “No, we can’t. We want different things, and we aren’t changing our minds.”
“This is your baby, too. Don’t you get that? Do you really want our child to grow up not knowing you?”
“The baby will be fine because it has you.” That much I do know without a doubt. Hadley is too good of a person to not make a good mother as well. “I can’t raise a kid, Hadley,” I add.
“Why? Is this because of Valeria? Are you seriously going to leave me and our baby because of it? Luca, it wasn’t your fault.” Her voice is soft and tender, and it pisses me off.
“Yes, it was!” I yell, throwing socks into my suitcase. I take a deep breath to calm myself down. “And even if it wasn’t because of her, I don’t like kids. Never have. You don’t want someone like that around.”
“You don’t like other people’s children. This is our baby.” Is there really a difference between the two? Other than I’m forever tied to one of them? “This is a child we’ll raise together. This is your flesh and blood. Luca, why can’t you see this?”
For a moment, I wonder if I should tell her that I can’t even picture myself as a father, much less a good one. Instead, I say, “Because I don’t want it. The only way I’m willing to be involved is to write you a check every month. That’s it.”
“I don’t need money. I need you, Luca. I need you to help me with this. “
“I am helping!” I explode, giving her my full attention. “I’m helping by walking away. I’m not cut out for this and you know it.” She knows what happened with Valeria. She knows why me being responsible for a child is a bad idea.
“No, I don’t know it. The Luca I know is a strong, determined man. In front of me is a coward. You’ve never stepped away from any responsibility before and look at what you’re doing right now. You’re breaking my heart and leaving your child, Luca. Your child.” The pain in her voice and the sadness etched on her face stabs me right in my chest, so I reveal my pain right back to her.
“You don’t think it’s not killing me to walk away from you? You are the only thing I’ve ever wanted. You were supposed to be the one girl who could be happy with me and the fact that I’ve never wanted kids. But you do, and now you’re pregnant. I’m doing what I need to do for me, the best thing for me and that baby.”
“You’re doing nothing but making excuses and being a fucking coward. There’s no point in arguing since you’ve made your mind up. But, know this, Luca, I love you. There isn’t anyone in this world I want, but you. However, when I need you the most, when I need you to be the man I know that you can be, you failed me. I never thought that you of all people would do that.” Hadley walks over, removes her engagement ring, and places it on the suitcase before she turns and leaves me to finish packing.
“I’m sorry,” I mumble. After grabbing a few suits, I quietly make my exit.
Maybe it is stupid to leave her over this, but I know it’s better this way. It’s wrong to not what your own child, but I don’t. And it pisses me off that I didn’t question Hadley about it more to make sure this is what she wanted, too. I should have gotten a vasectomy years ago and then this wouldn’t have ever happened. Out of all my emotions though, I’m hurt. Hadley thought I would be strong enough to overcome my past, be strong enough to do what she thinks is right, and be strong enough to do this with her.
Unfortunately, I’m not nearly strong enough.
Chapter Seven
Hadley
“Thank you, Mr. York. I mean it.”
“It’s not a problem, Hadley. I’ll keep everything quiet until then.”
When I disconnect my call with Mr. York, I almost collapse in my chair. I want this job badly, but I had to tell him about the baby. I can’t spring something like that on someone who wants me to run his network.
Thankfully, Mr. York is a family man and proud of his children and grandchildren. He was thrilled of hearing the news of a hockey baby joining the Bucks clan. I lied when I told him that Luca and I didn’t want to announce it until after the playoffs, but what else am I supposed to do?
I page Amy to come to my office. Since I have the all-clear from Mr. York, now it’s time to get down to the nitty-gritty. I need to focus on the baby and me. With the break that I’ll be taking from KSPN to The Hockey Network, I can get the house ready for the baby.
I ordered six books from Amazon to help guide me into this. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I’m an only child. I never had any cousins or family, but Mom. I only have Luca. Had! I had Luca.
My heart twists as the argument from last week plays in my mind. We haven’t spoken at all. I’ve been trying to figure out if I should contact a lawyer about the house. I don’t think Luca will make me move. Then again, I didn’t think that he would have left me.
When Amy walks in, I quickly to my focus back to work.
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